kay so me and my girl have been going out for about four months, and I really really like her a lot. The problem is, we started talking about stuff that we had done and past relationships. So my friend whos friends with her too had told me that I was the first guy she had ever even made out with, so I thought she was really innocent, and shes like the second person I've ever made out with. So we started talking about relationships, and I asked her how far she had gone with a guy, and told her that I had only kissed before, and she said "I dont know how to answer this" cause apparently, when she was like ten or nine, her sister in highschool would take her to parties and let her take a ton of pills and do whatever she wants, and she would black out and not remember what she did. So her sis told her she gave some dude a handjob, and like, she says her sister told her other stuff so bad that she doesn't even want to tell me what they were now, I'm depressed and have high anxiety, and I have for about half a year, so when I found this out, I had a gigantic anxiety attack and like felt even MORE depressed. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. and like I told her how I felt about everything that was going on and how I was insecure and felt depressed and had anxiety, but she doesn't even want to tell me that stuff? I told her it was fine and she didnt have to tell me if she didnt want to, and I apologized sorry for the long read, but WHAT IN GODS NAME SHOULD I DO
if you really care about her you will try your hardest to get over it, plus you can't blam her she was young
What?!?!?! Forget about her age!!! You can't blame her because she was RAPED. She was intoxicated to the point of being blacked out -- any sexual interaction beyond that point is rape, regardless of her age. Beyond THAT, she was 9 or 10. Any sexual interaction whatsoever (including just manual stimulation of genitals) with someone of high school age was molestation. So, to the OP, this is not a set of issues where you're dealing with someone who has experimented a bit more than you have. You're dealing with someone who has been sexually assaulted, regardless of how she phrases it (I wouldn't be surprised if she refuses to think of it as rape). I would suggest going to talk to a counsellor about how to deal with this. If you regularly see a counsellor for your anxiety, you could talk to this person. Otherwise, you could get some free guidance at a local rape crisis center. Please please tell me this girl's sister is no longer around young girls?
dude like I'm really trying not to think about it. but its gonna be hard. I dont know if I'll be able to look her in the eye anymore, cause it makes me sick to my stomach to think about her doing stuff with someone when she was ten. I'm about to get therapy for my depression, so I should be able to talk about it with someone. her sister is in college and hopefully will never let my girlfriend get hurt anymore I"m really really trying to forget about it, but its hard, seeing as how she wont TALK about it because shes ashamed to tell me the other stuff she did besides giving some dude a handjob
if you go through life looking for a perfect woman (in this case, some sort of 'virgin'), then you'll be looking forever. Accept people for their flaws because you aren't perfect either. The question is: do you like/love her NOW? At this point in her life and yours? People change. She may have done stupid stuff when she was younger, but how does she act NOW? That's what a relationship is about, not about the past, but where you are right now and in the future.
Her sister is a bitch and could have lied to her. Don't stress if you like her the way you say you do that let it go.
thanks for counseling me y'all. She told me she thought her sis might have lied to her to freak her out, but that she wasnt sure, and that she was calling her to find out. But from the way she was talking to me the next day, I'm guessing she did, but I guess I'll just have to put that behind me and forget about it I just wish she would talk to me about the other shit that happened, but you know, if shes not comfortable with it, then I wont make her
there's nothing you can do to change what has happened. What you CAN do, is be supportive and try to be understanding. It's not like she exactly had a choice about this stuff, you know? It was RAPE. And you breaking up with her because she was raped is only going to add on to those scars.
Who really knows if her sister is telling her the truth now. I would have never allowed my little sister to be put in any situation like that. If it really did happen it sucks and you need to stand by her and not judge her for it. It doesn't matter what happened in her past all that matters is how much you care for each other.
Just let her talk on her terms. Don't judge her and when she talks just listen and let her know that you will do what you can to help.
agreed, don't judge her. also, if it helps, after dating my ex bf for a while he had told me that he was suicidal, and that he had tried to kill himself twice, but failed, before we started going out. he's still kind of messed up, but we talked through it and i showed him the positive things in life, and we had a lot of fun just living. i have a hunch that if we didnt go out at that period of his life, he might not still be around. anyway, my main point is that sometimes things happen for a reason, and maybe you're supposed to be with this girl during a time when you both feel insecure and such. im sure itll all work out fine, but just remember to be yourself, and keep an optimistic look at things.
Beef - your girlfriend was taken advantage of when she was 10 years old and doesn't remember what she did, if anything happened at all. IT WAS NOT HER FAULT -GET OVER IT.
