Am I a bitch or is he extremly needy?

So i posted a thread earlier about my bf, and i love him to death, but some problems that i have buried have been arousing many times. He wants to be with me ALL the time, i mean 24/7. 1) my parents wont allow this and 2) i really need some privacy and personal space sometimes. Ive told him this and he gest mad at me, saying hes just trying to hang out with me, so why should i complain? its a good arugment but he doesnt understand, my needs are not physical, rather than mental, I need him to not get mad at me when my parents wont let me chill, it really frustrates me and wears me down, and i need him to give me space. he gets mad at me if I want to have a girls night, saying since i can realy only hang out for long amounts of time on weekends, i should spend time with him since i cant with him during the week. i cant be with my friends like i want, he gest jealous and hurt, and ive tried so many ways of explaining but it upsets him everytime. Am I a bitch? too independent? or he is really needy? what should i do?

 

PS: I love spending time with him, its not THAT im bitching about, i just want a little more wiggle room in my life, like flexibility, free to do what i want, and i know relationships are about dedicating your life, but do you really dedicate your LIFE, like every aspect? what about personal time and relaxtion. Sometimes i feel like im always rushing to get thigns done bc he wants me to chill at a certain time, and he says i should be responsible and get them done ahaed of time knowing we are going to chill, its like, what i do revolves around when we hang out, i cant just say "oh ill do it later" if im hangin out with him later. its made me cry so many times beacuse i dont know what to do.

 

Funny I stumbled upon this post...this is exactly what im going through. Except my parents dont care how late I get home since Im an adult now....which makes it even harder to try to get my alone time. I have been with my bf a week and he wants to see me 24/7 as well.....complete with showing up at my work...texting me ALOT when hes at work...and if there is ever a time when we are home and not around each other, he is calling me or IM'ing me. It is driving me a bit insane....and I do like spending time with him and Im very much in love with him...but I have had to distance myself a bit. I think you should just be honest with how you are feeling even if you think it might upset him. If you hold it in its going to eat away at you and cause even more problems. Just tell him honestly and nicely about your feelings and hopefully he is understanding. If he gets upset then you really should tell him you need alot of alone time.....continuing to go on like that with you feeling that way will majorly affect your relationship....and your sanity for that matter....I mean....you arent married for goodness sakes! hehehe...I should really take my own advice hah. Is he a really jealous person...maybe he needs to have you around him cuz he is in fear of losing you...which is my bf's problem. There could be some sort of trust issues or this is stemming from his insecurities....either way....understanding and communication are essential ....good luck. Let us know what happens!

 

Sounds like he's needy...this is exactly what my cousin is going through too. He wants to spend every second with her and she hasn't been able to do what she loves (reading, spend time alone, spend time with me) because he occupies her all the time. They got in a huge fight the other night because he was leaving for 2 days and wanted to spend time alone with her but I was there (she lives 2 hours away, I couldn't just leave, I was stuck)... He doesn't understand that family/friends are very important to her as well as her freedom to be alone when she feels the need. Like your boyfriend, he thinks that she just doesn't want to spend time with him. He's a difficult person to compromise with on that subject and he hasn't changed/doesn't seem willing to change. I can't really give advice since I don't know you personally, but you can keep trying to help him understand your needs a little better and let him know that it's just your personality. It's not healthy to be too restricted from your own life. Good luck, hope it works out.

 

thanks, yeah mines not too easy to compromise with either, he doesnt understand the IMPORTANCE of family, like, he doesn't undertand that him being at my house will effect my "family time" because even though i LOVE him, my family doesn't.

 

sounds like my mom's ex
who's an ex for a reason. Needy and clingy.

Best bet is just to tell him the truth. You need time alone to rejuvenate, re-energize yourself. You need time with just your family. And that being together 24/7 is both too intense for you and reduces the importance of the time you do get to spend together (I mean, when you spend all your time with someone, you start to take them for granted, appreciate the time you do get together less and less, etc.)

 

ILove - print out this thread and leave it around for him to see. Your guy is smothering you, and needs to know that he is destroying his relationship with you by being so needy.

Perhaps a little couples therapy might help too. It might uncover why he is so insecure he cannot let you out of his sight.

 

thanks : )...yaeh, we just got in a big fight about all this, mainly because i told him alot of it...he said "i shouldnt have to BEG you to hang out with you! i didnt know my prescence was such a disturbance...and blah blah" he really just doesnt get it...he also said "fine! forget it alex, we will have two seperate lives and not care about what the other does! fine, we wont act like were married!" that sent me into shock, i went on to say that we were dating and shouldnt act married until (and if) we actually are because its practically impossbile...he got really really upset...ah this sucks.

 

Next time, you might point out that a healthy marriage involves a healthy amount of "me-time" for each partner, as well as the trust that a person's need to have friends outside the relationship, to have time with their family, or to spend time alone does not mean they love their partner any less. If smothering is what he thinks marriage is about, I pity his future wife (though hopefully he'll grow up a LOT before then).

Personally, I would drop any guy who acted like this like a hot potato. If he can't respect your space, he doesn't respect YOU. This is all about him and his needs -- which come before your needs, hands down. That is not a relationship worth continuing.

 

ummm, its definately not a healthy situation.

 

to ILove's boyfriend - Take it from a guy who was married for many years (until my wife died) - to keep a reationship fresh, you need to give each other space to do your own thing. Being a couple does not mean you are together all day long - in fact that DESTROYS relationships. There is a saying that "you are married for better or worse, but not for lunch". Each party to a marriage or a relationship should be together in the morning and evening, but doing their own thing during the day.

You might see a psychiatrist or couples therapist to find out why you feel you must be with your girlfriend at all times. There may be some deep seated insecurities inside you which can be treated.

Trust me.