Pardon the redundancy, but my position is unique enough to merit it's own post, in my opinion. I'm another one of those guys that prefer 99% woman 1% men. When it comes to girls i have really low standards. I like them all. The only time i could even consider being with a guy is if he's in the top 5%, or whatever. I'm not looking for a relationship, it's crazy, i just want to be on the other side of intercourse (fondle, jerk, suck, take it, etc), with little to no attention to me at all (wierd huh?) It's to the point where i can't even watch porn without thinking something like yeah, i'd smoke it too, or i find myself captivated by a guy's package. And it varies depending on how horned up i am and what part of the month or w/e. I'll go one week never thinking about a guy to the next thinking about them as much or more than women. At any given time, even when i'm least gay, i could never pass up the opportunity to anomously fondle a hot guy. So that's what i'm going for. I'm a young, tall, athletic guy, so i figure i'm not asking too much. There's a much larger town about 30 minutes from where i live, i'm sure there's a gay bar or 2 there, so i'll check things out soon. The only thing holding me back is the fact that i stayed with a girl for a year until about a month ago. We had monogomous (at least on my part) sex twice a night for the year (and then some before). Since we just broke off a pretty big relationship, i haven't jumped back on the dating scene, but i'm dieing to jump back on something... But yeah, i'm holding back my gay sex experiments because i'd kinda like to be content sexually before i get into that (when i was with her maybe the monogomy made me gayer at the time, like, you know, i'd be willing to be with anyone except the person i'm with now, sorta thing). But imagine thinking your gay but maybe not but why does cock turn you on but then again you've never felt gay towards anyone really etc etc etc and i'd just like to spend a night figuring this shit out so i can either be like "guys are gross, women 100%" or "Yup, i'm bi, and that's cool" and go about my life like that. And also i'd like to know extent. Like, i know i'd like to fondle/jerk a guy. I've done it to myself, i've seen other guy's junk, i've seen girls fondling/jerking other guy's junks, and it looks fun. Going down on a guy is the thing i think about the most but i'm also very unsure about it. I'd love the act of doing it, but i doubt i'd respond well to semen, and i know different guys leak more or less than others. If a guy would not leak the whole time i know for a fact i'd like it, but that doesn't happen, so it's something i need to try. Barebacking. In theory i'd love it. But what it really comes down to is pain vs pleasure. If it hurts, fuck it... i mean dont fuck it, bleh you get it. But yeah, i think i'm on one of those gay weeks this week, and might give it a try tomorrow night or sometime later in the week. Oh and about keeping it a secret... since i dont want an actual, emotional, relationship, it's definitely in my best interest to keep it a secret. It's just something i enjoy. Pretend you like a certain flavor of chips. For some stupid reason, everyone will stop being your friend and treat you bad if they found out you liked that flavor. So what do you do? Go to the next town, stock up on those chips, and eat them in private. Problem solved =D ... and also i'm not even to that point yet. But yes, i'm motivated and i want to find out damnit! EDIT oh and my psychological explination. See, i dont really enjoy gay porn that much, unless it's simple softcore stuff. I dont really get into the whole idea of 2 guys loving on each other or w/e. I think it basically comes from, like i said, wanting to be on the other side of intercourse, i want to be the "girl" so to speak. Now, i dont want to be a girl at all, i love being a guy, i think that exact phrase at least once a day. Nor am i much into crossdressing, as i'd just look like a dumbass in girls clothes. If i was with a guy, i wouldn't want mirrors, b/c, like i said, image of 2 guys "making love" or w/e still is kinda ew just like it is for a completly straight person. Should we call it roleplaying? I dunno, but it's something i want to do.
have a look back on the other threads in here and in 'coming out and confused' forum, i think you'll find your not alone. but anyway, why do you have to figure it out, your in the postion of being single and so can explore this issue, so be couragous but also be safe, if you go barebacking your leaving yourself open to catching all number of STD's including HIV S
ah. those tentative first steps. always a highly confusing time, eh? just be safe and do what you want. if you don't like it, stop. either way, you're okay.
