Would you tell another women............

If you knew her man was cheating?

Ok how about this scenario -

My ex & I have a child together, we are friends , get along ,raise our child etc....

He is with a girl for 3+ years now and I wouldn't say I am "friends" with her per se but we get along and talk when we are around each other - she is very nice and very nice to our son and I have no issues.

Well - found out that my son's father is cheating on her.

I have the proof & whatnot - also found out he didn't use protection with the other girl and HE is worried about STD'S etc....

I think his g'friend has a right to know - she thinks he is the most wonderful man ever and well - he's not.

Would you tell? Would you tell in a annoyomous way?
That is the only way I would consider it as I have to deal with him for the next 18+ years since we have a son together - but I feel the need to let her know since I am a women and she is a women and women need to watch out for each other.

what to do ?

 

If it were me, I hate to say this, but I probably wouldn't say anything. I'd feel like it wasn't any of my business and not want to get involved.

 

I don't want to get involved at all - I am his ex so when I say anything about anything they will always take it differantly since I am an ex ya know.

I just hate when guys are deceiving to good girls -
she is a great person and here he is messing around and not even using protection - stupid men!

 

I would definitely tell. I would get a third party to tell her that he was cheating on her, as to not put the relationship you have with your ex and your child in jeopardy.

 

I might create a new email account and email her anonymously about it, provoke her to thinking about it and let her discover the rest of it herself
but
I'm not sure. I've never been in that situation and it's a hard decision between trying to help the one being cheated on and butting your nose into someone else's business

 

if the whole STD wasn't a problem, i wouldn't say anything. however, with the virulence of so many STD's, and the potential of HIV infection (hetero sex with partner still really high for women), i'd say something. if i didn't and he gave her something horrible because he's stuck it off in some sorry trashbin without protection, i'd never be able to live with myself.

 

no, definitely not. Totally not your place and none of your freakin' business. It will only make you the bad guy if you stick your nose into their relationship, especially you being the ex and all.

 

I agree with drumminmama. I wouldn't say anything to her...because you'll come off as the "jealous" ex...I'd put pressure on him to come clean with her...because ultimately, he is the one that made the mistake and should have to face her and tell her himself.

 

I'd stay out of it too. I'd try to get him to tell her, but it's really not your place.

 

Do you have hard evidence, or just hearsay?

If you have some form of hard evidence, leave it for her anonymously. If not, that's a tough place to be in.

In any other situation, I would definitely suggest telling. However, as his ex, you risk both ruining your relationship with him and looking like the "jealous-ex" type. You can get around the stereotype if you have some hard evidence... Otherwise, if she doesn't already suspect him, she'll probably just suspect your motives.

Do you have any mutual friends that you can trust to not say where they heard it?

 

You know, this type of response really bugs me. That's the way people used to react when they saw a man beat the crap out of his wife. That's the way people used to react when they saw a parent abuse his/her child.

There are a lot of things that I would agree are not really anyone else's business. But when one is putting the other's physical well-being at risk (in this case by potentially bringing home a serious STD, whether he has already caught one or not, as he will eventually if he continues this behavior), I think the only socially responsible response is to at least try to figure out a way to let the potential victim know. Yes, there are contingent factors, like the fact that the OP's position as his ex- makes it unlikely that his current gf will believe her, along with the fact that the OP has to have a cordial relationship with this man for her child's sake, that complicate the issue.

But, if I were in the current gf's position, I would certainly wish all kinds of ill upon anyone who knew that my partner was cheating and didn't tell me just because they thought it was "none of their business". The OP's position makes it forgivable not to tell, but I would likely cut all ties with anyone who didn't have at least as good of an excuse if I ever found out...

 

I was cheated on and my best friend since high school told me that my x b/f was cheating on me. She found out when the girl was bragging and didn't know she was upstairs in the same house. She helped the all of us actually. He thanked her because he couldn't tell me himself, which is fucked up, but whatever. The other girl thanked me for helping her realize how stupid she was to fall for his shit. This all happened this time last year. All who were involved are now friends. It took us a year to get to this point. I would say tell her because as a friend it is your obligation to help out in any way. It is a horrible feeling to be cheated on and not knowing it when you are completely in love with the person hurts more than anything you could imagine. It may create drama, but in the end it'll be worth it for all parties involved. Good Luck!

 

If I wasn't really friends with this woman, I wouldn't say anything. It's none of your business.

If she thinks he is the greatest guy in the world, she probably won't believe you anyway, she will think you want him back.

 

fuck it. i'd say it and she can take it or leave it. disease is involved here. i'm not going to deny my ethical response because it might be construed as "wanting him back." i know better. i'm not worried about a little embarassment when someone's health is as stake. and he'd better learn not to bring info like that to his ex and not expect her to be honest. i'd warn him that i was going to say something if he didn't, though. but i dont fuck around.

 

I would tell him that you found out, and that if there are possible stds involved he should tell the girlfriend before she finds out along the grapevine like you did... I would definately push him to tell her, or at least make sure he gets an std test to make sure he isn't putting her in any danger. If he isn't man enough to fess up, he should at least be adult enough to make sure there are no medical problems that might arise from the situation.... and if you have a child together, I think it'd be nice to know if you need to be concerned if your husband were to get a cut around your child, but I guess that'd depend on what disease there is concern about.

I actually had to do this with a friend a few years ago, found out that she cheated on her boyfriend with someone while on vacation who had herpes. I confronted her and just asked if it was true. She lied and said no and I started crying because I was so glad I didn't have to be the one to tell her that she potentially had an std. She asked why I was so upset and I told her, she fessed up to it and I told her to go get checked out.

I've had too many friends get std's because no one had the balls to tell them that they had a disease...then again, I've had too many friends with a disease who were also very careless about not spreading it to someone else.

 

No, and I am horrible for it and I despise both of them and still can't bring myself to do it because even though I don't like her I know she loves him and it would kill her. He's not cheating anymore so that's my justification. Am I wrong for holding this in?

 

I'm confused... I thought that dragonflymoon was the op. But either way, you have to do what you think is right. If you feel it is the right thing to do not telling, than that is what you need to do. If you feel it's wrong to not tell or at least urge him to get tested, than you should go with what you feel is right.

 

As an ex you are in a tricky situation. On the one hand she deserves to know, but on the other you have your child to think about. So, ask yourself a simple question.....why do you want to tell her? In your last post you said "even though I don't like her I know she loves him and it would kill her." so I wonder if your intentions are for honorable reasons. JMO
You want her to know...... have someone leave a note on her car or house and take yourself out of the picture.

 

anonymous email if u have to. dont get into it! especially since it might effect your child in some way.

she probably suspects somthing anyways. most ppl know, they just dont want to believe it.