the marriage has been over for years, so I guess it's divorce

I just wanted some input before I actually go ahead and walk out that door, because there are children involved. But how over does it have to be before it's ok for me to move on? No sex for the past 5 years. Doesn't sleep in my bed. Literally walks out of the room and shuts the door while I am talking to him. No emotional support when I faced a death in the family(well, he did say "bummer)". Didn't come to the hospital when I had surgery. Tried to force me to have an abortion. Refuses to help with our youngest because I wouldn't abort him. Tells my daughter I am lazy if I ask her to do any housework. Is rude to my family and to his own. Tells me nobody will ever want me. The thing is I am tired of crying and just want to live again.

 

You -know- that you can do better than that hon

 

I'm so sorry to hear this.
I was there two years ago. We split and I swore i wouldn't go back. 3 months later I went back (Things are kind of back to almost as bad as they were before the split). We hired the lawyers, went to court and I contemplated ending it all. Thankfully I smartened up.
We went to marriage counceling (which we had done 8 years before) and this time it helped way more that earlier.
OK, have you asked him to go to marriage counsing? Probably said he wouldn't go, right? Then if you feel you are at the end of your wits, see a laywer and have papers served to him. Maybe this will turn things aroung for you, maybe it will be what you need and is long overdue.
I don't mean to be so vague, but each couple's situation is different.
Good luck with that, and I wish you the best.

 

Ahh terrapin ....blossom girl - unfold the choked bud and blossom into the wondeful hidden rose, so that all may be blessed with the heady cleansing fragrance of yet another finding a Way to Open to Self and Be True - Fly high girl - accept no limitations - they are in truth but the fear trying to offer yet another excuse on why you should not try and Be

BE !

Blessings


Namaste

 

I am so, so sorry you've had to deal with this. I think you and your children will be better off getting out of that destructive relationship.

Much love, hugs, and sympathy...

 

hi tp, i'm so so so sorry to hear what your going thrue, you deserve so much better honestly you do!!, i really think you deserve to live again too, good luck
{{{hugs hugs hugs}}}
l
xxx
ps, i will pray for ya if you want? do you believe in jesus?

 

right, i know im only 17 n all, but marriage is a mutual thing, and this is just- not!

it seems you're free in your mind about it....and hopefully in your heart. you WILL find someone else, no doubt about that. someone who'll respect you, for every bit that you are and do. so please, rid yourself of these chains, & breath.

...good luck in whatever decision you make, and all the best for you & your kids's future. [=

 

I'm answering this as a child of divorce, and as having watched a half-brother grow up in a house where his parents have about as dysfunctional of a relationship as what you just described.

GET OUT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Go, get, walk out that door before he does any more damage to your children.

If he is willing to go through counselling, great -- but get your children out of that house until BOTH of you have made significant progress.

Being a parent, you are modeling for your children what "love" is. The longer you stay, the greater the chance that your daughter will learn to accept the sort of mental abuse you are taking -- after all, that's what mom is teaching her love is all about.

I thank the gods that my parents divorced when they did. My father was far from perfect, has yet to actually find a lasting, healthy relationship. But, I came out of this far less damaged than my mother's "new" child, who was raised in a toxic, verbally abusive environment.

 

Get out while you still have half your mind and emotions left.
This guy sounds like he's destroying you. Don't let him. No one deserves that treatment.
I was part of a divorced family, and it didn't really make a big difference once I got a little older and realized it wasn't my fault. Just assure your children that it has nothing to do with them, and don't stop until they KNOW it.

 

eeeek
yea i gotta agree..enough isenough ...andthats way more then enough...u8 stuck it out longer then u shoulda and put up with far more then u desserved..so now its time to do whats right for u and the kids too..
its a hard process, but in the end wont it be worth it to just havge that peace and happiness and to put that all in the past?

 

thank you all so very much for your words of love and support. It means alot to know there are good people in the world.


and Old Wolf, old friend, special thanks to you

 

we're here to help
{{{hugs}}}
l
xxx

 

I am only 20 and have been in the same situation only with out children of my own. I got out as soon as I could, and I am glad that I did, I was the 3rd wife, and it wasnt a good thing. He was so horrible to me, there was always the beating a verbal abuse. Also I was the product of a divorced parents, and I turned out fine. You just have to let your children know that it's NOT their fault, and keep telling them that. My mother raised me and people ALWAYS tell her that she did a wonderful job raising me, and doing what she did, and being so strong. Just stay strong and do what you have to do to get out of that relationship, it seems to me that he is tearing you down.

 

yea tr you can do so much better i know you can!!, get out now!!

 

As a lawyer, I can say that divorce was invented to protect people like you - you need the legal system to enforce your rights against this torturer you currently call your husband. There are things like child support and alimony that he will have to pay (if this loser has any money). He put three kids into this world, and they are his responsibility.

There are at least five separate grounds which would justify divorce in almost any state requiring grounds. Many states have "no fault divorce", and the process is relatively painless. It is not clear where you live, but from your internet name it might be Maryland. Is that right?

Get yourself a lawyer now and stop the torture.