Friends who aren't really your friends

This has been bugging me lately...

My college "friends" never talk to me anymore...if they do it's an email once every three months or a stupid IM conversation talking about the weather. There was a group of us that were super close...then at the beginning of last year they just sort of drifted off, got into relationships, and now...nothing.

Great friends, Humph.

Just makes me wonder why they pretend to try....I still want to be their friends and genuinely try...but...sheesh...when is enough, enough?

 

And you contact them how exactly?


Relationships are made of at least two people... it always sucks when it feels liek one side is putting in a lot more effort than the other side. I've drifted from a lot of my high school buddies, and gotten even closer to some of 'em. 'Tis the way of the world methinks.

 

People grow apart, especially when their in different situations, different locations, different jobs,

Growing apart from people is kind of natural. Try not to be too hurt by it. It doesn't mean you can't remain friends with old friends, it just usually takes a lot more work then when you were going to school together and could see each other more frequently.

 

I'll drop them emails and call them on holidays and birthdays. I'll call them just to talk sometimes and they're always "busy" or their girlfriends are there...or whatever...

I've graduated and they are all still in school...but this drifting has been taking place while we were all still in school.

I don't know...I guess I just try to hold onto friendships because I don't really have all that many friends, especially close friends.

 

you're telling me...taking a semester off from school, i've seen that only the closest of my close friends have really stuck by me...its no coincidence that those few friends that have stuck by know the whole story of why i took the semester off. whatever though, i rather have my few close friends, than just a bunch of people to hang with.

before i sent in my readmit application, i had asked over 30 people for a simple paragraph, telling why i should be let back into school - a little recomendation letter. yea, out of that 30, i recieved 2 letters. 2 letters! really put things in perspective for me.

 

I understand. I feel kind of like I'm alone a lot of the time.

On the other hand, I hate feeling clingey. I'm pretty emotionally conflicted.

I can't help it. I'm a sensitive guy,

I feel myself drifting away from a lot of my older friends, and I don't trust people I meet that much, so it's kind of a catch 22 thing.

Stupid brain!

 

Sometimes it's depressing because I don't have any close best friends (except my partner, who is my number one best friend), I have lots of acquaintances...through my two workplaces. But none that I could just go over their house randomly and hang out or talk to on the phone or anything. Two of my closest friends...one lives in Oregon, the other lives in Chicago...I try to keep in touch with as often as possible, but everyone is so busy these days. Sometimes I feel like I'm left behind.

 

i know how you feel.. too well
i keep trying to make new friends and move on, but it's hard...
i'm the only person i have really i haven't had a best friend since i was 10 maybe....

 

my ' friends ' are constaantly bugging me . they come by all the time and i cant get anything done ....they are good peeps n all.... but i am crushed , like totaly invaded and distracted . im not blaming them for how fucked up i am , but shit ....i couldnt concentrate if i wanted to .

 

i only speak to a handful of school friends...

i only just finished uni so i dunno who will stay in contact, i wouldnt expect constant visits and invites out but id be cut if i didnt get an email or call every now and then

im actually having my uni mates over tonight, i cooked up a massive lasagne (my specialty) and a flourless chocolate cake, plus chocolates and chips with dip.

 

friends who are real friends are friends. "friends" who are sometimes supportive, and or mututaly useful, are called associates.

me, i get alone just fine, with only a relatively small cadre of real friends, and well there are i suppose people who know me or know of me who wish me well, whome i can't always remember even who they are or what they look like, mostly they were friends of my dad from when he was alive. then of course there's all of you on here. but outside of on here, that's mostly just an idea, i concept in my mind, as most of you i've never met and have no idea what you're really like.

the one or two people i've met from online in real life, i've only met a couple of times and really can't say as i know all that well either. well a couple of guys from one of the furry boards i sort almost really know. and then there's a couple of you from on here who i think are also on there and also i've met, like again maybe once or twice.

but anyway i don't have any kind of false friends, at least that i ever meet or run into or anything, probably because there's nothing in it for anyone to pretend to be. i mean it's not like there's any reason for the world to be beating down a path to win my favor or anything. that i know of anyway.

hey if someone wants to call me their guru or something i won't turn them away or anything, but i can't immagine why they would. well almost.

so anyway it's not like i'm all that social or like what really interests me in my life involves or requires being so. i'm a happy hermit.

and if anyone really wants to cross paths in a happy hermit kind of way with me that's ok too. but i've got all the emotional support i need. and then some.

and it's not like i need all that much.
then again i'm not going through the hell that highschool was and probably still is and even more so. that's years and years behind me. thank whatever god or gods.

well i didn't have all that many friends, just a few good ones, then either.
my destressification in those days, long before the internet or personal computers even existed, was to go for long walks out in the woods by myself, and find a nice big flat rock to sit on and meditate.

neither i nor my parents had a car then either. well most of us didn't ourselves. though most of the others in my school, their parents did.

=^^=
.../\...

 

T'is why when we find those of likemind, we never turn our back to them; but allways have an open hand, both to hold and to let go.
We are here to learn and Grow - and more than I want any wonderful friend or lover to stay with me - I wish their Growth - as They would Be.

Bleesings Be along your Way

Namaste (my spirit bows to your Spirit)

 

I know what you mean since I've graduated from highschool the only friend that I've managed to keep is the one that I roomed with for two years and I am considered part of her family. We are still in a way close but now we live far apart, can only talk on the phone for a few minutes a week, and that whole sort of thing. As for my other friends... they've all moved on to bigger and better things I suppose.

 

I've come to learn that it's the way of the world. As you get older friendships fade out and family fades in. I've got two friends left from highschool. Neither of them I see very often, but we make time when we can. We all have seperate responsibilities, relationships, families, etc.

As one of these friends put it, "I've learned that as time goes on you see your boys less. You still make time to see them, but not as much time as you make to see the girl you're trying to fuck"

Or as my dad said, "I realized that as you guys got older you'd figure out that I'm kind of ugly, and girls are worth kissing. It wasn't easy, but I understand that this is how life goes. You guys will call when you want, or when you can, whichever comes first, but you'll build your own lives and your own families".

Just the way it goes. Friendships come and go, and while some people will forever be a part of your life, it is very rare that one person remain a major part of your life forever. Usually when that happens, it's called marriage, which again will detract from the rest of your friendships in some way or another because it takes priority over other friendships.

 

You should find new friends. I know many people like that, you are good friends with them and the next year or the year after they barely talk to you.

 

the other day i asked myself where all my friends went. like adam said, all i really have left is my family. well not my real family but the people i live with are like family. but yeah, people come and go. i live in a small town so ive known all the same people and seen the same faces all my life. and to be honest life is cheap around here. its funny when your a little kid, and theres no way you can possibly picture the way things are going to turn out. a lot of my friends are in the ground. i will always remember them as a little kid. some of my friends are in jail, but most of them are just fucked up and tweaken. and some are still around, some have families and are doing well. and ive always just kind of stayed the same. but its been interesting seeing it all. interesting and really sad in a way.

 

Every little human being in the world is my friend... or at least I treat them as such until proven otherwise.

My mama says that I can easily get hurt.

I disagree... if someone fucks me over in any sense... then oh well... it just helps me learn to read people better... and I'm good at reading them in the first place... if someone seems fishy, then I will keep him in a good distance, but still treat him like a brother.

(now that I have told you that... please do not ask me to bum a cigg... I will be left without any!)

 

I hate talking on the phone, and I rarely IM my friends. But with my friend Mamie we can go two years without talking but when we see each other it's like we had been talking the whole time. That's how you know who your friends are. I'm bad about losing touch with people...but schedules can be conflicting. Maybe you should just try hanging out with them in person. It's always easier that way.