TORN and WORN

So, im not talking about your crazy grandma or cooky dad...I'm just having a conflict with my parents and would TRULY LOVE some advice. So I will start by saying that my parents HATE my current boyfriend. I am only 17, but I am not nessicarily your typical "oh my gosh i love him so much" gushy teenage girl. In fact, I am very independent and strong willed, so falling in love with someone has been an experience. My boyfriend is 19 and is very responsible. I have always grown up in a high class country club society where all the girls date all the guys in the "country club." My boyfriend is from Peru and moved here with his parents 4 years ago with practically no money (which is strike one with my parents). He amazes me, hes so genuine, honest and responsible and believes completly in taking responsibilty for himself and the ones he loves. A year ago he got busted with marijuana in my drive way at my after-prom party. Now, this can definatly be looked upon as disrespect to my parents because, after all, it was their property, so he apologized to my dad and mom without anyone telling him he needed to do so (i.e his parents)- so this was strike two with my parents-they now know im having sex with him, and understandably, this is strike 3. But he treats me like a princess and is there for me no matter what. I am having a problem though, because their is very high tension between my family and him, I fear it could laed to the downfall of our relationship. I have always been one to please my parents, but I love my boyfriend who is also my best friend. These complications lead to daily battles with my parents and him over hanging out and spending time together, and this puts stress on me. It truly wears me down, if anyone has ANY advice, I am open for suggestions, THANKS so much.

 

Well the way I see it, if you really do love him, then all you need to do is, and now this is for both of you, is to stay strong and show to your family that you are both growing in experience and maturity, and if you two can gain the trust by showing responsibility and determination, not to mention love lol, then you will surely gain the acceptance. (That is, if you have at least partially reasonable parents, which you probably do but I cant really give much more advice as I dont know the whole situation) Good luck to the two of you, if it was meant to be then it will be.

 

At 17 and 19 it is too early for any permanent relationship, especially with someone from such a different background than yours. He may be very intriguing to you, but the difficulties are great that this relationship will ever last. Give it some space, and some time, to see if it has a chance in the future when you are older.

 

I know, and I've thought so much about our differences and obstacles we would have to overcome for it to be permanant, it really sucks...another delimma is college, he couldnt afford to go to the college i was oringinally going to go to before we met, so now I'm not going there so we can be together...and ive gotten over it, it just tears at my heartstrings knowing i got into where i really want to go, and im not going.,\

 

Well that could also be a big reason as to why your parents don't like him... Spend time with him, but you're 17, don't let a relationship hold you back in life. Go to school, if you two are determined to be together things will work out. If a boyfriend/girlfriend was holding my kid back in life I'd be pissed at them as well.

 

yeah but my parents dont know thats why, they just dont think i dont want to go to that school because i dont know anyone else going, and i can understand, i can see it from their point of view completly, but at the same time, their comes a point in life where their feedback every day on my relationship really just wears me down... theirs a difference between planting seeds in your kids on life lessons, and drowning the seeds to death...know what i mean?

 

I've been in a similar situation, and there were some days i just wanted to quit and let them be their way...but my bf was werry suportive so we sucsided to pass trough the hard times together. Now almost everything is ok.

You parrents will accept the fact that you are together and that's not going to change (at least for a while), just give them some time, in meanwhile show them that you are mature and that you know what you want.

 

sounds like your a v lucky girl
not all 19 year olds are responsible you know, so you've struck lucky there i think

i think you should stick with it and show your parents that you and him are serious about each other and that you love one another deeply and you wanna be together
my mum didn't like the person i am marryed to when we first started seeing each other years ago but now she's grown to like him a bit so that's nice
i know its hard and things can be really tence at times but stick with it and hang in there and it will get easyer for both of you.
take care.
love ya
l
xxx

 

thanks, yeah theres been so many times where ive just almost let my parents "win" and give up because theyre such a huge part of my life and i think it would make life easier, but in the long run, i dont want to lose someone i really do care about over my parents, my parents aren't really reasonable, they are very hard headed and have threatended so many times to "get rid of him", like make me not see him anymore, i duno, its just one of those things thats a stress in my life, and takes its toll some days. Im thinking once i go to college with him it will be better, because they will have less say in what i do.

 

good luck!

 

thanks : )

 

10 years from now,when the guy from Peru is a fond but distant memory, you may regret that you made a school decision not on something that was best for you, but for someone else. It is hard to think that far ahead, but try. All of us reach crossroads in life, forks in the road, and we have to make a decision which fork to take. Sometimes when you go down one fork, there is no turning back. Don't make hasty decisions. Make the best decision for yourself based on all the facts you have. Don't just base decisions on emotion.

 

but who knows? mabu they will end up togather...

 

yeah, thats what i want to happen

 

i am all for love. but you should go to the college you want to, and that your parents will pay for. it is not hard for a 19 year old man to get a job, buy a car, drive to your new school, find a job, and rent an apartment. its quite easy. there are comunity colleges everywhere that he can attend. as far as your parents not likeing him, so what. just dont do anything to make them unhappy with you, but continue to date him. go ahead and agree with everything they say to you, and then do as you please. but i wouldnt sacrafice your gift of a better education, for feelings of love. if he loves you then he will want to see you succeed.

 

thanks, yeah we've talked about apartments and community colleges, but he cant enroll in a community college because hes already gone to one for two years, and most dont offer the second to/getting a major thing...i duno, its so complex, and sometimes it hurts him when i talk about the college i wana go to...he doesnt want me to leave him, and i really dont want to leave him either...ive never had to make a decision like this before, i will probably go to college with him, only because the college i would end up going to with him is almost as good as the private one i got into, i just feel like im lessening myeslf sometimes, i dont know if that sounds bad, and im sorry if it does..

 

exactly. you know that you are potentially lessening yourself. so i think you should go to your private school, as long as it does not put you in debt. you two are not married yet, so you dont need to be everywhere together. if he loves you enough, he will follow or visit often. there is no reason that he cannot take classes at a community college, and then finish school later, after you are done with your school. but the way the world works, at leastin happy relationships, is that the man saccrafices for the woman. when it happens the other way things get messed up.

 

you gotta do what's right in your own heart
at least i think you do...
depends on you doesn't it...
good luck...

 

I was 17 and he was 20, my parents begged me to leave him....sound familiar?? I had a scholarship and the chance to live out my dream, but instead I chose love. While that may sound romantic it was the biggest mistake of my life. I spent the next 10 years trying to make our relationship work and helping him live out his dreams. Needless to say it ended in a divorce.

The hard lesson that I learned through that is that no one will live your life for you, and sometimes you have to make sacrifices to acheive your goals. I understand that you love your boyfriend, but you have a long life ahead of you and need to put yourself first. Go to college and get your degree, because it will enhance your life in ways that you have yet to imagine.

Now I am two years away from my Masters degree, and it is because I was lucky enough to marry a wonderful man who supports me in everything that I do. Second time is a charm:hurray: I am proud of myself, but I wish that I had gone to college at 18 and not in my 30's.

I wish you the best in all that you do. Just remember to follow your dreams, because they can come true.

:goodevil:

 

Bad choice. You should NEVER decide where you are going to schhol based on a girlfriend or boyfriend. End of story.