so I just smoked some dried salvia leaves

4 hits to be exact....... and I feel ....hazy.
thoughts come to clear if that makes sense. typing is difficult.
I cant explain things thru my mind to my finger tips. they arent realy thinking the same way right now.

I am relaizing alot of things. its hard not to close my eyes.

im listening to modest mouse.
the words I am typing seem distant as do I.... I feel like smomeone else. cuz I am not typing this.... do you understand/ everyone has an inner spirit that is seperate.

I closed my eyes and saw a violin that twisted and reshaped into a pattern.

red and blue now....yeah thats eerything. oceans and people swimming and drowning but they dont care.... there happy and so am I we are all happy...

I have never been happy.

how long has it been....how should you know?
once I was dxm andI saw a face behind closed eyes.

it was beautriful. she was an angel. I loved her in a split scond.
I cry when I thnk about her.

I saw her agian last night when I first brokethru.
I kissed her lips and when I did the color in her went into me and she smiled.
I never thanked her.

does this seem right.

It hink im down now. but im not sure.... I ahve no idea what I just wrote so enjoy..

-rydns

 

Interesting...I wish I had enough control to write while on Salvia.

 

wow I wrote that..... thats pretty much what happened. sorta....

I remeber the violin and the people drowning but what the fuck is everything else.
I think im gonna smoke more than I did and try to write.

 

I did it the first time friday and couldnt remotely write or think in or near the "amnesia" state I apparently reached. Very trippy around that point. Coming down I could write, when it was just a hard "high". When youre really gone its like falling into cartoon, comic strip jim carrey the mask kind of bizarro world. No writing then...

 

fleeting glimpses and brief interpretations.
this is very rich.

the dull comment "I have never been happy" is like a rock on the bottom of a riverbed, something to return to when you forget that the good stuff is flowing by in brief flashes.

this medicine helps you to tune into the ephemeral, not for lasting meaning, but to reorient to the living and fleeting things instead of the river rocks, which are better left underfoot.

 

I would have thought that the important observation would have been the realization of unhappiness, certainly from the point of view of a psychologist. Its a telling comment. Youre (redgreenvines) offering escapism as a solution to a problem which requires deeper and more concrete solutions. Once aware of the rock, it is changes to dissolve the rock into the stream which are the most necessary for the individual's happiness. Everyone has the right to be happy; no such rock is natural, or healthy to be ignored, right?

Which is more important, the anti depressant used to offset unhappiness or a substantive change in lifestyle once one realizes their own depression? Escapism is never an utimate answer, though it may buy you some more time to solve deeper problems, or to seek their solution.

No truly happy, stable, normal person would want to do drugs, their own full life would be reward enough; its the full life that is the goal, not the drugs. Im not saying that an average person WOULDNT try to escape their unhappiness or problems, wouldnt try to escape rejection and seek social acceptance through the use of drugs; this is perfectly normal. Im saying you should be aware of the fact that that is what you are doing, and use care in doing so while your life changes for the better, and the rock inevitably dissolves. If the goddess revealed to him that he has never been happy, who are we to tell him to ignore this message? Some lessons are painful ones...

 

since my younger brothers death and nephews miscarige I have becom emotionaly numb.

I havent been happy in about 6 months.
but I ahve known this but never ealy confronted it....
when I thogught about my nephew last night while on salvia it sorta made me cry...

I have been trying to be hapier since...

thanx for the responces

 

I wish I tripped off salvia leaf that easy. I smoke it every week almost and the best I get is a feeling that feels like I smoked a lot of weed, I see some colors, and have seen some movement illusions, but nothing like that.
Its quite easy to write on salvia leaf for me, I treat it like weed.

 

I'm sorry...I hope you find some happiness.

 

what is all the fuss about happiness.
who can even define it.
mostly what I see is that people assume that someone else is happy and they want it
or they want to suggest that they are just as happy as the otherone thank you very much.
but this is all very weird stuff and it comes down to possessiveness about toys in a sandbox, and who has more money and sex?

I have not seen any good explanations of happiness.
pain yes
pleasure yes
sadness and complexity yes.
happiness, no.

there is no magic for happiness, and no need to make the rock bigger than it really is.
something sublime happens when the river is noticed and the rock is allowed to sit where it has always sat.
life is in the water not in the rock.
(relatively speaking.)

 

One cannot be happy by society's definition, but by their own. Happinness is impossible to universally define because it means something different to everyone. I think of it as being content with yourself and who you are, the next person might think of it as having money and a big house. I contradict myself there though because that 'next person' has the possessions which make him feel content with himself, therefore he's happy. By rynds' posts, he doesn't seem 'happy' in the sense that he's not content with himself and his emotions. I'm not saying that he should look for happiness in a shallow sense, but in self-discovery and contentment.

Are you telling me that your 'happiness' is living without happiness?

 

touche!

I ahve a good life.... I have a great famly that loves me and alot of good freinds.
other than them I hate evryone else.... its not becaus eI wish I was them its because there so fucking stupid.

there little cares and there sub dramamatic lives make me think how fucked we are as people.

 

bbbbecccaaa;
i don't use words that are impossible to define except to highlight how and why I don't use them. the closest equivalent I have to happiness is homeostasis, i.e. a normal healthy temperature and healthy body/mind.
you have recycled the term to a kind of definition by itself by not being other people's happiness but you did not go deeper.
anyway - it is really not worth arguing about.

rydns
you have some other stuff besides rocks.
have fun with that river.