whenever my mother leaves a message...

and wants me to call her back, she just blows a raspberry, very noisily, on my machine. it's loud, it's obnoxious, it's so my mom.

 

do you mind?
S

 

hell no. it's perfect. i think it's really funny.

she's not a bitch, she's THE bitch. she's honestly one of the funniest people you'd ever talk to. in fact, i'll give you her number.

 

can i ring you and do that?
S

 

I'd like to rasberry your bottom.

 

now WHO was that directed too?
S

 

That's pretty funny KC! My mom just kind of mumbles, talks really soft-like, you can barely hear her on the message, you've got to strain to hear what she's saying.

 

it might confuse me. i think perhaps you should make the sound an upset spider monkey makes, then i would have the funniest answering machine messages ever, which would further solidify the reason why dave NEVER EVER answers the phone.

 

tell you what i'll ring you but don't answer it and i'll leave a daft message, tell me when your ready!
S

 

well, there's a wheezy, in-drawn breath, *raspberry* , wheezy chuckle then she yells at someone while she's hanging up the phone. sounds like "BLAAAAAAAT* DL! WHY THE HELL DID THE WESTMINSTER POLICE CALL ME?!!! WHY THE HELL WERE YOU THROWING EGGS OUT THE WINDOW???!!!! DID HE DESERVE IT?! oh...."

 

That's hilarious, your mom sounds like a trip!

 

i'm going to be just like her when i'm older, i'm probably just like her now
S

 

she's a hoot and a half. my sis, too. she tends to call and sing whilst crapping on the toilet. it's fantastic. on dave's last birthday, jocie called while shitting very noisily and sang happy birthday to dave. he nearly wet himself.

 

i should only hope to ever be so funny. her pic is in my gallery. she's buying my dad a kegorator because she's sick of him putting beer in her wine fridge.

 

shes the lovely looking white haired lady?
S

 

I hope I'm like that when I get older too! That would be a riot! I can get pretty silly at times, but I don't think I'd have the nerve to call someone whilst using the toilet!

 

Very attractive woman. I want to rasberry her bottom too.

 

who's bottom did you want to rasberry in the first place then?
S

 

yup. she deliberately makes ugly faces for pictures. she used to be an astounding beauty, for real, but got sick of men following her home from work and stalking her. but she's a big top circus in a 5' body. and SHARP! so damned funny. i love my mom, in case you can't tell. i've seen her take on 6'5" marines and win, and i've seen her hauling ass up the road being chased by a whole swarm of wasps...bitch can run!

she bought my husband a couple of fantastic hawaiian shirts for dave for christmas. good quality, authentic. she wanted a picture of dave wearing them and sitting in the snow, and this is the picture we got...

 

lol. i went to the toilet twice while i was talking to samhain. totally comfortable.