I'm an alcoholic

I've been inspired by the "Alcoholics Everywhere" thread. It's o.k. if you don't want to read this entire post. I'm sorry about the lengthiness, I love to write/type.

I started drinking when I was 15 after one of my friend's 21st birthday party. It started off with a six pack of Smirnoff Ice hidden in the woods behind my house. Eventually I was stealing alcohol from my parents' cabinet, and I've been doing so for a few years now. As hard as it is to believe, my parent's are clueless to my drinking habits. My motto is "where there's a will, there's a way", and I've never been caught. I drink by myself, at home, with or without anyone around. A few weeks ago, I took Friday off from school, started drinking at 9 a.m., and finished around 10 p.m. Monday night.

I was sick of feeling sick all the time, and I walked myself to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting to get help. I didn't want my parents to know where I was going, so I told them I was going to my friend's house, and I had her cover for me if they called to see when I was coming home. It took me about 40 minutes to get there, and I only caught the last 20 minutes or so. When I tried to get into the gym where the meeting was being held, the door was stuck, so a very nice man helped me open it up. When I walked in I was surprised at how many people were actually there, and I was glad that nobody looked at me oddly for being the youngest person there. After the meeting, I spoke to the woman who was running the meeting, and she offered to be my sponsor. I've talked to her everyday since then, and she's helped more than I could have ever expected.

She offered to give me a ride to the next meeting, and told me her boyfriend was going too. It turns out that her boyfriend was the same man that opened the door for me at my first meeting. My sponsor and her boyfriend have taken me under their wings, and I'm very grateful to both of them. They don't judge me, and they don't make me feel badly about my problem. They only offer me advice, and lend me their ears when I need to talk.

I figured I would make this thread so anyone that may be going through the same thing can share their stories. I now know that talking can really help release emotions, and through communication I've been able to stay sober for seven straight days.

Thanks for reading!

Much love,
Alyssa

 

Hope everything works out for you and you get a handle on your life -- it seems you're well on the way to achieving it.

You're obviously a strong chica, keep it up.

Peace ~

 

Pretty far away from real alcoholism.

 

I had gotten to the point where I needed to drink to start my day off. I was purposely missing school so I could get hammered, and I used alcohol to get me through anything that life threw at me, happy times and sad ones.

Alcoholism is in my blood, and many of my relatives have gone through awful times with it (divorces, car accidents, license suspensions, time in jail, etc.). I know I haven't gone through what many other alcoholics have but, alcohol controls how I think and how I feel everyday of my life. I am predisposed to this awful disease, and I know how terrible alcohol can be when abused. I have made way too many enemies out of friends, have neglected and lied to my family way too many times, and have screwed up way too many times at school and work due to my drinking.

I know this is your opinion, I respect that, and I can't change that, but I do wish you wouldn't be too judgemental before you got to know more of what I've been going through.

 

Thanks GGN!

Much love.

 

Wow, I hope it all works out for you. Kudos to you for having the guts to attend the meeting and to stick with it.

 

Thanks a lot thinkingbaseball76! Much love to you!

 

good job getting help

 

Good for you =) I hope it only gets better from hear on in.

 

Today is my ninth day completely sober! Thanks for all of your support and kind words! I really do appreciate all of you guys and gals! Much love to you all!

 

before the body, i like to say congrats to the poster who overcame this affliction and the thread maker tootles to you

i always wondered how people get hooked to alcohol. I guess smirnoff can be slightly addicting. i always see that one or two or three girls/guys that drink there heads off at a party, i mean i drink but never get drunk. There are no strong substances that addict you to it. So the addiction is mostly mental. In my own life i addicted to things, that would hurt my mood if i didn't do them. like reading, and if i didn't do my afternoon run i would be in a sour and sluggish mood.

To get to the point, what does it feel like? How does it feel to be addicted to liquor? just curious

 

Thanks sin!

I started out with Smirnoff Ice, but then I started doings shots of overproof Jamaican rum, vodka, whiskey, cognac, whatever else I could find in my parent's liquor cabinet. I started out drinking a little bit every day, and then eventually a little more than that everyday, and then I was binging on the weekends, and even during the week at points. It was extremely hard for me to get through my day without drinking.

I know what you mean about the addictions to daily things (reading, going for walks/runs, checking e-mail, etc.). When I don't drink, I get shakey and I get really bad headaches. When I don't check my e-mail, or go online for a day, then I'll just be in a grumpy mood. Alcohol has a more physical addiction capability, rather than a mental one that would just put me in a bad mood.

I'm on my 11th (or 12th since it's past midnight) day without drinking. The first couple days were hell, because I couldn't think about anything but drinking, and I was angry because I knew if I wanted to get better, then I couldn't drink anymore. It's been a little easier now, but the cravings still come on stong, and I still get shakey when I really want a drink.

 

Aw that's a shame it got bad enough you had to stop, you live close, we could've drank together lol. Good look with sobriety though, you're braver then I am.

 

i understand you so much, being in europe tho ive never had to hide to drink as there's no enforcement, but maybe that makes it easier. the making enemies out of friends and lying to family is so true and ive had way way too many regrets due to drinking too much. cnt even remember most of the time, and ive just lost the trust of too many ppl who are sick of my explaining and lamely trying to justify myself using the excuse of alcohol. and they're right i do not know who i am because of that poison, leaving myself hating and regretting everymorning. the moment that tipped me over was having sex(first time) with someone and barely remembering it and not having any feelings for that person anyways.it just plays too big a part in my life and the person i am then disgusts me. im so happy to hear youve found help.. i wish it was that easy here, but im simply going to try so hard and watch out for myself, but so far that's never worked but after fking this guy i hope ive learned something. even tho i think ive been ''that wasted'' for the last time after everytime i drink, that ive learnt something and wnt do it again.
anyways i will try and good luck to you!!

 

I've had a lot of "last" times too, but I'm fortunate enough to to say I'm 22 days sober as of today. Stopping is extremely difficult, especially if you self medicate with it like I did. I literally just got off the phone with my AA sponsor, because I've been stressed out and I've been really wanting to drink. Is there anyway you could get involved with some kind of group? It's a lot easier to stop when you have a support system like AA, or even close friends and family members, but from your post I can tell you probably can't find such a great support system in them, at least until your relationships with them improve. If you ever feel like talking I'm all ears. Maybe we could help eachother out, because it's always good to hear what others have gone through, and how they've gotten out of it. Send me a PM if you ever feel like talking, and I'll get back to you as soon as I possibly can (I'm an internet junkie, so chances are I'll respond quickly). Much love to you, and the best of luck!

 

thanks, im posting this quickly because i wnt have internet for the next week, just to let u know i read your answer..thanks and though i'm not sure where i can find an actual group it's already help to have ppl here
and ive gone for a month without alcohol even though it was long, its not so much going without it, but the problem is not stopping and just losing complete control really quickly after the first couple drinks..but i realise its not so uncommon and ppl are dealing with this problem all the time so hopefully i'll manage too, it's good to know others are going thru the same thing. thanks so much for ur support, means a lot! and congrats for the 22 days - keep it up!
im posting this here and not as a PM so if anyone else reads this thread looking for support they can relate..well, thanks again and ill check this thread as soon as i get back and have internet again

 

Good for you! I know what you mean about the losing control thing. It's hard to drink in moderation once you get going. I used to drink until I couldn't physically bring the bottle up to my mouth. I like your idea about keeping the support thing open for others, kudos for that. I have to go to, because of a long overdue Spanish class project, but I'll see you around. Take care! Oh, I like the Shakespeare quote, very nice!

 

Well I am very proud of you for going to an AA meeting, and trying to get your life back. I know how damn hard it is to stay away from alcohol as a teen, I (being 15) know this totally, and so far I managed just fine, but keep at it nad it will get easier. Please post updates kinda like taking your chip.

 

Wait until you get older and life REALLY starts fucking with you. I myself have no power to quit drinking, nor do I really want to. I drink everday, but I still go to work, pay my bills, and I am a good father to my son even though I am a single parent. BTW I started drinking at 12

 

hey ,i'm so srry i haven't posted in so long.
well i've been sober since new years.. i think got scared out of it - but thats happened before and itll start again.
but it's so good to have ppl to talk to now.
it is such a powerless less.... it's got too much control.
but for now i'm okay and i hope AA is helping you out(cntsmokenomore)
ill post later, cheers