I have had two very weird experiences since Halloween. One, was hooking up with my friend of 7 years whom I had never as much as kissed, after which we become awkward in ways we weren't before. After a month of constant communication and arguments which we thought would end our affectionate liason, it looks like we were making progress and even willing to debate the possibility of a commitment. Well, my friend left for Mexico with her brother the day after X-mas and because of the holidays and her oversolicitous family, we haven't had the chance to really square things off before she left. Come New Year's Eve, yesterday, I hook up with someone much older than me who looks and acts younger than her age. There's also a lifestyle differential, since she's got children, is highly successful and wealthy, and I'm a bohemian student. Our common interest, aside from physical attraction was pool, since she plays in a bar league and I play tournaments. At the bar we met, she would ask me questions about her shot selection, technique, etc. Anyways, we had good sex, but this morning, on top of a hangover, it was AWKWARD. I mean, I don't know how many anxiety attacks I had during our conversation. We seem to enjoy each other's company and exchanged numbers, but I just couldn't get comfortable. When I left she wouldn't even kiss me because of the discomfort. Finally, I'm now going to have to explain everything to my friend who'll be back from vacation in a couple of days. I and the older woman I met yesterday, had unprotected sex on top of it all, since I figured what the heck, she's past menopause (I assume/hope) and not a likely candidate for STDs. It was a risk I decided to take. Oh, and the two women in question have interacted at the said bar... I already bothered my friend when I had unprotected sex with my ex-girlfriend, after the relationship was over, and by messing around with two other women in chance meetings at the bar (one of which happened after she left), whom I didn't have intercourse with, however. I feel a total wreck. I'm afraid of calling the woman I met yesterday, who'll also be out of town until my friend is back. And I'm scared shitless of my friend's reaction, whom I love to death. Please, help. Ask me questions, give me suggestion. It'll be much appreciated.
This is basically a desperate bump. But I understand my thread post is a little long so I'll summarize it for those who prefer shorter reads: 1) Halloween - hook up with friend of 7 years whom I never as much as kissed. She goes on vacation with her brother after X-mas and much talking about the difficulties in our relationship and the possibility of a commitment in the future; 2) New Year's Eve - I hook up with someone who's almost as old as my mother. We have great unprotected sex. Morning after was veeeeery awkward. Our lifestyles differ greatly: she's wealthy and has teenage children, though no longer married. We exchanged phone numbers and like each others company; 3) My friend and my New Year's Eve affair have interacted at the bar I go to. The latter is out of town till tomorrow, when my friend of 7 years will be back from vacation; 4) I'm freaking out. Afraid of calling my New Year's Eve affair, and afraid of my friends reaction when she comes back. Please help.
It doesn't sound like either woman is suitable for having a good relationship with you Since you are not comitted, and did not have an affair, i wouldn'tr even tell the first woman about the new years thing tough living in new york, lots of sex
I can't leave my friend of 7 years...lol. Depending on whether she'll still take me in after knowing what happened, I might cut off the New Year's Eve hook up, even though I like her and I feel like we didn't get total closure or follow up.
Thanks for responding! I really have no one to talk to about this, and I'm bracing for what's to come tomorrow. I absolutely have to tell what happened... We were essentially sex confidants all this time, and our friendship is based on total honesty. Also, knowing me, I'd start feeling stifled hanging around her if I'm hiding something. I love the girl... That being said, I don't know if we're suitable for a commitment or not. Tomorrow will be the first test.
oooo beautiful, seems like you've got your self in to a bit of a corner doesn't it? i wouldn't tell your 7 year friend about the one night, its not worth it!!# things will sort them selvs out, give it time!! promis!! they will!!, even if they don't seem like they will!! trust lizzie, i know what i'm talking about
The old broad is no good. Either is the not old one. You've fucked 'em both. Move on. Shit ain't right, boy.
There is no way I'm not telling her... It's that simple. Also, it wasn't just a one night stand. Like I said, we are interested in each other. And it would take a commitment to make me let it go...That being said, the morning after was so awkward, I don't even know if she'll want to keep seeing me. I will be talking to my friend today.
Hard to decipher your second sentence. But why is she no good, again? Is this just a prejudice? I do have an Oedipal complex, and that's clear...
First off, I feel you, that's an incredible tough situation to be in. And while, honestly, not the wisest of moves, I can understand it happening since chemistry was obviously going on strongly and you weren't in any sort of committed thing with anyone. So yeah... but definitely a rough spot. And were it me, I'd be COMPLETELY freaking out with no clue what to do. I was in enough of a mess when I'd had two complicated and intense hook-ups in a week (1 was an ex with possibly stuff going forward again, 1 was someone new I was totally into)... I hope talking to your friend today went alright. I agree with what you said, you feeling you had to tell her about the other woman. Because... yeah, if it were me, there's no way I could actually keep that from her. I wouldn't be able to. It's hard to know how she'll take it. If you were talking commitment before she left, even if you hadn't decided on it, it's hard to see it not being a big deal. But... i truly hope, for your sake, it can work out. I couldn't tell you which to go for. were it me, I'd try with the friend... or even if it were a matter of not getting into a relationship with the friend but just getting the friendship straightened out, I'd absolutely put it first. In terms of the older woman, while there was compatibility there on some level, I think the awkwardness is indicative of what you'd have to overcome in trying to get something going. It'd be awkward for both of you, and whatever her kids' views on her dating, probably would be harder with them given the age difference. Not to say it can't happen, but... would seem hard. Mostly just wishing you good luck. I sympathize... i'd be freaking out beyond words if it were me.
Thanks a lot, dspiel, for a very lucid and empathetic post. The conversation (Remember Coppola?) didn't happen yet. They've both been busy so it's the weekend. I was a little turned off by my friend's blase behavior when she came back. She said something like, "I guess I'll see you in the weekend or whatever." That's my issue with her anyway, I know she loves me, but she's got an indifferent streak about her that I just can't tolerate. I'm waiting to see her in person before I tell her. So...my attention is divided. I'm actually thinking more about the older woman, the past couple days, but I haven't contacted her yet. Should do tomorrow. For now I'm just recovering from a bad cold and gearing up for a set. I actually got a good game after a bunch of months of a dry spell. I'll play this guy 9 ball even up, 5 ahead, post a buck ($100) for starters (but I'm giving myself a couple barrels to gamble with), no side action or sweators, and you can quit winners after 3 hours. We are going to do it Saturday around 3 in a more obscure room so I don't get bothered by the people I know and the party crowd that gets to the poolhall later. I like my chances because the guy is really a banker, not a 9 ball player. But the main thing is to just get up there and fight, that's the big thing... Unrelated I know, but not as much as you would think...
Just related to one thing you said about indifference... I agree. While desperate clinging certainly doesn't do any good, it's never a good feeling to be given the indifference treatment either. I've had close friends who do that, and it really gives you this belittled feeling. Good luck this weekend with everyone!
Hey, dspiel. I've been convinced by my two previous relationships that it's all an issue of friendship. The sex is really the cherry on top, no pun intended. I also think it's generational. Young women simply do not know how to treat me like a human being. I am a convenience. When things get rough, you put me back in the jar. That simple. Of course guys do that too, and I've had exactly the same kind of feeling from a male friend of mine. Just for you to have an idea how psychotic the whole thing with my friend is, we haven't spoken today (partially my fault since I didn't call), but I have spoken to my new-found older companion. Is it any wonder? She says, "I'm at the bank and I'll call you back in another 5 minutes..." and she actually does. This was one of the issues I had with my 7-years-going friend. She's flaky. And blase. And she won't get up off her cute little ass to meet me either. I have to come to her. And her attention is always divided. It's never about me unless we're in bed. She won't say, "you're sexy", she'll say "I need good sex"; she won't say, "I really miss you and want you to come over", she'll say, "You know where I am, you can come over." I'm tired of it!!! Well, that is why older women are more fun to be around. And to be quite frank I have been thinking about my New Year's friend, despite our differences and the fact that our relationship won't ever develop into something else, much more than the person I was considering commiting myself to before her vacation. What an idea! Tomorrow I'll be speaking to my older friend. We might go to a poolhall. My 7-years friend never even asks me about pool, and she knows how important it is in my life. Thanks for all the encouragement!
There is no reason to tell the young one about the old one. BUT, you have to get checked by a doctor for STD's BEFORE you sleep w/ the young one again. There is no reason to think that her possibly being passed menopause has anything to do with whether or not she has STD's. In fact, she is older and MORE likely to have STD's. You seem to have a problem wrapping your sht up! Do you have a death wish? You could die from an STD. You could get an STD and have it your entire life. You could get one pregnant and pay $1000 child support for the next 18-22 years. Get your arss to the doctor and ALWAYS wrap that sht up....DAMN!
Keep your zipper up and use condoms in the future. Why try to pass on your guilt to your old friend? It will only ruin your relationship with her forever. You fucked up and so live with it, unless you got a disease from the unprotected sex or made the older woman pregnant. Then you should fess up to your friend. And don't do it again.
