i was cheated on...by the one i want to spend my life with

okay, i'm nobody's luv!!!! really1 it's fine by me if you are somebodys 'luv' but im nobodys... !!! it's the same as 'mate'... except worse!!!!!!
anyway... just a pet hate of mine.

To define cheating.... as suggested by a poster.
To me... it hurts becuase it is an act. I understand desire and attraction, but when you're with somebody, and you are both declared exclusively to each other, the sexual attrtaction that you feel for others should never be acted upon.

This kind of relationship is one based on trust. You give your body to each other, and you trust that they won't abuse it, that they will honour it, respect it.
Fucking hell, it makes me very angry that has been dishounered.
However,... this person said, to hope for happiness from others actions is the path of dissapointment...this is very true.

the reason it hurts me is becuase I know how easy it is to be attrtacted to someone, to kiss them... but when you're in a relationship with somebody, sexual and commital... thats an exclusive thing. i want him to honour me and respect that i love him and am commited to him. i dont want him to kiss people he meets at parties. !!!!!!!!!

otherwise what relationship do we have betwen us??... not one of respect but one of dishonesty and betrayal.

its the act that uspsets me... you can have desire, but you dont act upon it because you know you love someon, and you dont want to dishpnour that trust and level of honisty and openess you have with each other.

however, i ma a hypocrite in that i have been very close to doing the same thing.

waht upsets me is that, in being close to it, i knew that what i had between us wasn't 'real' if i was capable of wanting somebody else, i knew the in my heart that i didnt really want my boyfriend, wholly truly and deeply.
i wanted it to be more free.

so he must have felt the smae way...

so what does that say about us, and our 'relationship' ??

 

I think you're unbelievably jealous and controlling. You just addressed ^ above that there are two types of cheating - the physical as an act, or the emotional or mental as thoughts.

He's guilty of the former while you're guilty of the latter. Do you understand how both are very hurtful? What has he said about your flirting? Have you been completely honest with him? Do you dare?

It's very painful to know that someone you love shared something intimate that supposed to be between only the two of you.. with someone else. I also think you're reading too much into this kiss and SUPERIMPOSING / pushing your ideas of what a kiss means onto your boyfriend's situation. He has plainly said that it was a drunken kiss which he ended.

My advice: I'll be very honest. I have an intense jealous streak also, and was possessive in my first relationship because we were both virgins, and it was our first serious relationship for both him and I. I couldn't imagine spending my life with anyone else. But the fact that I could not get over some issues due to my jealousy was one of the major factors that finally broke down a very painful relationship.

So PLEASE, get a grip, and don't let the small things worry you. You can dump him and cause you both a lot less pain with your jealous flashes, OR you can learn to deal with small fuck ups like this. Although you should make it clear to him that you were hurt and it's not acceptable.

I DON'T recommend about you airing your dirty laundry about flirting. Sometimes shit happens and I do not condone cheating, but sometimes some things should never be said. Don't hurt people unnecessarily if you know it didn't mean anything.

 

thanks for your response... i can apprciate what you are saying, and have taken it on boad.. peace

 

You had an open relationship if anything. Jealousy gets you knowhere in life.

 

yeah.. it sucks, i dont want an open relationship. i'd rather not have one. that settle for that. looks like i should call it a day and look to the stars or somethng!

 

Well once you find the right person you shouldnt even think about wanting someone else. Thats how i am anyway, if they make you happy, what more can you want?
But i wouldnt like it if my gf got pissed and kissed some other guy, i would consider ending the relationship. I'm strict like that but, if she's capable of doing it once, she will most likely do it again.

 

thats what i mean... if you meet someone you love, you wouldnt do that i you really did love them... so it seems like we dot really love each other.

 

^^^I think that's being a bit too idealistic actually... Everyone is human, we all make mistakes. A drunken kiss is not a huge deal, and if he ended it when it could have actually gone further, then it was truly a mistake. And as for love... relationships aren't always sunshine. Most serious and long relationships have periods where one person falls out of love with the other for a while. It's the fact that you can talk about it, and mend your relationship and fall back in love again that strengthens your relationship. It's never easy. Every relationship is going to go through hard times (if yours doesn't, I envy you), and you're going to mess up and he's going to mess up and you'll either learn to forgive each other and work through the problems, or split up and try again and give up the next time things go wrong in your next relationship. I'm not saying you have to forgive him, it's up to you whether the relationship is worth going through a few rough times or not.

 

hmmmm. interesting. i think it is worth it. i know evryone who's been together a long time has at some point had rough patches, where they discussed splitting up.

peace , thanks for the advice.

 

come on now "were guilty of the same thing"
its so true. You flirted wiht another guy, he kissed another girl. your just doing what your instincts are telling you. Like the dready said, be less drunk or less fucked up if you dont want to embrace your instincts. but why deny something? the more you deny it, the more it lingers, embrace it.. we are not meant to be monogamous. its possible yea, but if you guys already started doing these things, take it as a reality check and see us humans are programmed to be attracted to eachother. if you make him feel guilty for being attracted to other girls when you two must be lonely away from eachother, then he will make you feel guilty for just doing what you feel aswell. its hard isnt it? im going through the same thing, but i have never done anything with someone else. but i am starting to see, it creates so many problems denying what you feel. its not like i feel like having sex wiht another girl, its just like, denying what you feel fucks things up. we are just creatures. dont deny what you feel. let eachother be free.

 

Yea but sometimes someone in the relationship might get a bit drunk and kiss someone else and realize it was a mistake. You make mistakes when ur drunk, its not instincts at all. Heck you dont even know ur ABC's when ur drunk.
Anyway, the other person in the relationship finds out about what happened, then goes out and flirts with someone just out of anger and revenge. But relationships like that only last a few weeks anyway.

 

hi, i think you should try and work things out if you can, be with him, love him, hold him, dream with him, have his children, seriously
go for it!!
don't look back on this in a fue years and go, why o why did i miss out on that chance, trust me, it will be worth it if you can work things out.
good luck
{{{hugs}}}
l
xxx

 

You got what you deserved, calling him up when you were drunk. L=Kiss anf make up.

 

o bugger..., i've been there
called one of my x partners on the phone totally pissed out my mind, said sorry for what i said the next day mind you
the thing was, i couldn't remember what i had said to him
shit!
ah well, never mind, you will learn from your mistakes eventually

 

I might forgive a drunken kiss. MIGHT. no guarantee there. i always think that if someone will do that while drunk, what else will they let themselves do?

but i say give him a chance if its what you feel is right.