if there was no reason to break up...

if you break up with someone you really love while you still love them, do you ever really get over them?

my boyfriend and i broke up because he moved back to his old town (in a different state). we'd stayed together through him going back before, because he was coming back in the summer, and i'd gone to visit him. he called me drunk and told me he'd do anything he had to to keep us together, that he had everything i'd ever given him, that he wore the bracelets i made him and never took them off. he wanted to get a job and buy me a ticket to visit, and he told me he loved me. but he was drunk, so even though i knew he meant it (i know him drunk ) i didn't expect him to follow through (i know him sober), and he didn't. but it didn't stop me from still loving him. then maybe a month later, i called him, and we actually talked about the fact that we might never see eachother again, never be Us again, and by the end neither of us could talk except for whispers and one-word replies. i was crying. he was trying really, really hard not to. we decided it would be hard for us to keep talking knowing we couldn't be together, even though we really didn't want to just disappear. so he said he wanted me to do what would hurt me the least, and the phone cut out and died.

that was about three months ago. the last thing i heard him say might have been the sweetest thing he's ever said. i've tried really hard, but i just have no reason to feel any different about him than i did when we were together. he's a cancer, and cancers are really sentimental and attatched to the past, which he is...

another thing you should know, i spoze... the summer he was here, he was really hardcore into drugs and drinking and i didn't see him much; it was impossible to keep track of him. since he's moved back, he went to therapy and quit everything (except drinking. but if he didn't drink in his town, he'd have no social life at all), and last time we talked he said he was getting back into his art. which is amazing, because he's a great artist. he said when his mind cleared up he realized he was a huge asshole for not spending that time with me, and he wishes he had...

sorry this is such a long story. i've been kind of suppressing it for a long time . soooo my question i guess is, i'm moving to california and eventually getting my own apartment... if it were you, would you hold out hope and try to save the relationship? is it worth trying to uproot him and steal him away? if you were him, would you still even be interested? i don't know, i already know he doesn't like it there. i guess i just need to hear from someone else that i'm not insane. or if i am, i probably need to hear that too. i'm going all crazy gemini, with my rational skeptic side beating up on my idealistic dreamer side. if you've ever been in a situation like this, i want to know what you did and how it turned out... even if it's not what you think i want to hear, tell me what you honestly think

thanks...

 

Drunk or sober dont lose your composure.
Do you know why I pulled you over?
Because the way you swerve, sir, you cant be sober.
Rza.

This relationship sounds bad. I think you should forget him, you made him out to be lacking any real good qualitys except that he's an artist. PLENTY of others out there who make more sense.

Aiyo I live by the rules, trust nothing in skirts
Cause with that big butt and a smile, she be waiting to flirt
With a next man, a next hand, up under the skirt
Another dick in the jaw, more dick in the george
While you home sleeping, she creeping, you thinking it's yours
That's just how women is, I reminisce
On when I had to learn from experience, why they call you a bitch
And I ain't the best, but I ain't never denied
Tell me what nigga, flow sicker, spit shit better than mine
The plot dope on these tracks, you get federal time
You get your wig pushed back, that clap metal with mine
I'm on the grind, I don't settle for mines, nigga
With this track, a broad, with a pack, before I peddle a dime
Line for line, whose the best artist, the rest y'all garbage
But it's awkward, it's ass backwards, they still spinning your garbage
It's me, blunt: the artist, y'all niggaz is garbage
Khalid.

That's reality, open your eyes, everyone lies.

And I think your too cool to be messing with cats like this

 

dammit, i wish i didn't trust your opinion so much.

he really is an AMAZING person. the sweetest, most genuinely caring person i think i've ever met. and the most free and open and insanely creative. he does have a lot of good qualities... i guess if you don't know him he might sound assholey but i don't know... mlegh.

 

Well, your suggestions and ideas are much better than mine, so really just follow your heart, Im sure you know what to do already anyway All I wanted to say was that there are good people and you can love again. Plus Im sure this guy has good qualities, everyone does, but maybe it just wasnt meant to be?

 

he doesn't sound like he's good for you, to me. I mean, you're an amazing, wonderful woman and you don't deserve someone who's fucked up like that... yes he's trying to fix himself and that's awesome but realize that it may be years before he's sorted through his issues to a point of being able to handle a real relationship with someone as spectacular as you.

 

Exactly. What I was saying, the message behind my rap lyrics lol, but I cant explain it like she can. Im too dumb, dont waste your time

 

heh, I can't really read lyrics, I have to hear them to make any sense of htem, or read along while listening, can't just read them. I r smart

 

I would do anything in my power to be with you (if we clicked that way)
you are such an aweosme person
that being said, get rid of this loser


and even if you don't wanna follow that piece of advice
if he's still going to therapy and such
he is nowhere near ready for a commitment like you want

 

thanks... i love you all ... i trust each of you guys a lot so i think i'm actually gonna listen. it makes me sad because his family and friends all love me so much, because i guess they think i'm good for him. i'm gonna try to keep him in my life, but not go out of my way... just let him know i'm his friend...

ihmurria, nice under-the-name-thing . though i'm sure most people will still spell it wrong anyway...

 

I don't know where all the 'he's a loser' hate is coming from but it's always seems to be the first train people jump on in these threads.

This isn't about who's good or bad, it's about accepting reality and the reality is: He doesn't live near you and the relationship is impossible to sustain. He knew this. You know it. Time to move on.

Now the pain of loss isn't something that goes away or heals in an instant but if you keep latching on to this 'hope' of saving things, it's just gonna slow things down.

 

thanks. yeah... that's what i've been trying to tell myself.

something i should probably add is him and his family own a house out here, so they are going to be back and forth for a long time. the whole family wants me to keep in touch, and that makes it hard just to think straight about it, even though i want to stay involved. they included me so much, and became my family... this guy and i were together about 8 months, but we'd had the exact same relationship, minus physical stuff, for about 4 or 5 months before that...

augh. it's hard. but i really appreciate you all helping...

 

You'll get used to that though, I was with my ex for 3 years and her family is still inviting me to all kinds of things, and I have to talk to her at least once a week because of our baby.