Can anyone explain why I'm attracted to gay men without realising they're gay?

This has bugged me for years, and I'd really appreciate some feedback, because it's really confused me, and I don't understand it.

I'm a straight female. However, I'm not often attracted to straight men. When I'm attracted to a man, I later find out he's gay. On TV, if I'm attracted to a straight man, he later comes out of the closet, and turns out to be gay. I've noticed this over many years. I'm also attracted to a few straight-acting gay men on TV.

Don't know whether this just means I'm attracted to unavailable men? Although I'm not often attracted to straight men who cheat on other women, either. So could it be because gay men are more in touch with themselves?

As a female, I think on the same side of the brain as most men, rather than the sides most females think with.

Any ideas? Would appreciate any feedback.

 

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You sound really cool and together about this.
You dig metro and gay men, so what.

Find a metrosexual straight man, you'll understand him and he'll treat you right.
Enough, with the practicing on gay boys, nk!
You're ready for a real sissy.

You know, for a woman with your taste in men, about 25 years ago you'd be SOL. Now you can go to any upscale Wi-Fi coffee shop and find a plenty of straight guys who are "in touch with themselves." You're not looking for the unavailable, you're just asking the wrong men for what you need.
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The only men I find physically attractive are gay, too. ::sigh:: one of them calls me a fruit fly lol- god he's beautiful.

 

I think it's the unavailable thing. Also, you probably want to prove your allure and satisfy your ego by seducing a gay man. I think that even though you say you don't realize it, you probably actually do.

 

you are person that i would like to take on date you tell me who you attracted to and i do the rest

 

I'm a straight woman who, in the past (and even in the current, but not as much) find myself attracted to gay men too, so I know what you mean.


You can't help to whom you're attracted to. There are beautiful people out there, but men and women, gay and straight, and that's jut the way it is.

Now, if you find yourself in a situation where, for example, you're a woman chasing after only gay men or a straight man chasing lesbians exclusively or a gay person running after folks of the same sex whom are straight or whatever, then you have a problem. For that, I can't help ya.

 

I'm a gay guy. Here's my take on females who "only go for gay guys."

I think when a women has really bad experiences with straight guys, she needs a way of emotionally coping with it. She sees gay guys, and has never dated them, and assumes that only if staight men were more gay acting, then she would get along with them. After that, she just starts only checking out guys that seem gay, and then just verifies her own instinct. ("Oh, he's gay -- I knew it! I'm only attracted to gay guys.")

Gay guys aren't so much easier to date. I know, I'm a gay guy. We're really picky, and gay guys can be incredibly mean to each other, just like straight guys can be to girls.

The truth is YOU are doing something WRONG when you are dating, and you can't figure it out, and so you're just avoiding figuring out how to get things to work.

Find someone who will be honest about what you are doing wrong. Yes, it's you. But hey! There are a lot of other people with bad dating luck, myself included. Figure out what is really happening.

 

I dunno, maybe if you're more masculine you're looking for a more feminine guy. Maybe it's because gay guys tend to take care of themselves a bit better. Maybe it's because gay guys are easier to get on with, on account of how they're not constantly thinking about getting into your pants. These things all contribute.

I have the reverse problem, that I always prefer straight guys, a lot more than the mathematics should permit. It's probably more down to personality than anything else.

SOmeone above (sorry, can't remember the user name) said some stuff which I think was a bit harsh. If a girl was aware that the guy was gay and still actively considering him as a potential mate, then yeah, that'd be their problem. But if it's just a case of finding out later, you can't really blame a person or even assume that they were subconsciously aware of it. I'd be the first to admit I rarely know if someone's gay or not first time I meet them. I wouldn't say that's me being deficient or anything. I'm just honest about what I'm attracted to. If I see someone I fancy, I don't think about their sexuality as part of that process. If someone's hot, they're hot regardless of whether there's any chance that they'd fancy me back.

Rambling thing.

 

Homosexuality isn't a salient feature. Honestly, I think this may just be a case of confirmation bias.

 

Meaning?

 

I have been burned that way a few times myself. Maybe try and analyze what characteristics you like in men. The things I liked aboult these people was physical build (they tended to be thin and graceful) and also, they seemed like more smart and/or sensitive guys. perhapse we are attracted to the same thing? maybe you should look for someone who is bi, or just metro. I dunno... could help.

 

ok i'm gay and straight girls are always attracted to me. Like my homegirl Candice, omg she's like my sister, but anyways, I think it's because the gays (or bi's even) are just on a more familiar wavelength with most women, and you just happen to be one of those women. You connect emotionally with them, whereas that can be a bit more difficult with straight men. Like most of the people on here have said, I'd just look for a really metro straight guy. That's probably the closest you're gonna get to a gay guy without the whole homosexual part.....

 

i was trying to figure out how to word the explanation of "information bias," gave up, and found a quote: "How we lie to ourselves, edit reality, alter the significance of events and practice denial to maintain our self-concepts."

so she could be attracted to dozens upon dozens of men, but the ones she mentally bookmarks are the ones she later finds out are gay.

 

Hey, I'm a "straight" woman too with EXACTLY the same problem - the guys I like ALWAYS turn out to be gay!!! (Whether I like their looks or their personalities!)
I cannot class my sexuality as 100% straight because of this.
Just because I don't fancy women, I obviously fancy "femininity" within a male body! Women are just too feminine to attract me, but straight men are nearly always too masculine!!
I really do feel that this should be classed as a type of bisexuality!

 

lol. i really love it when people post without reading the whole thread. i do that, then i come back later, when i have time to read the whole thing, laugh at my totally mindless post and leave it there, to humble me.

 

Well, I'm sorry, but that's just my opinion I'm afraid.

Sorry if you don't like it !!

 

i ration myself as a gay man inside a womans body...i like gay men but i also like straight men

people are often attracted to simular characteristics in someone..because you're often attracted to gay men maybe theres specific qualities about them that makes you like them...possibly what you can do is take those qualities and look for someone that has simular ones but is straight, there will be someone out there for you, it might take some time to find him though

 

Hey that's how I feel too - a gay man in a woman's body!!!

I certainly hope I can find a straight man with the right characteristics cos I would prefer a man who is happy to be with me... it's really awkward because a gay man is everything that I want in a man (except I don't want him to be gay)!

 

whoa! I feel like I'm a lesbian in a guy's body.
Whats going on here??

 

Maybe you have some subconscious deep appreciation for feminine characteristics. Or maybe you're kind of more masculine than feminine and are therefore attracted to people who are more feminine, if opposites attract.