a hippy, a black man, a mexican, & a red neck r all in a car...who is drivin??? the answer: the police
Father Tom sez to the little old lady: "Isabelle, you're getting on in years. Are you giving much thought to the hereafter?" To which she replies: "Oh yes, every day, Father. "I get up out of my chair in the parlor, and go into the dining room, and I think: "what am I here after?"
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket." The man leans out and with a glint in his eye said "I've got a better idea ... let's pretend we're married." "Why not," giggles the woman. "Good," he replies. "Get your own blanket."
A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora") because: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic. 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it. (THIS GETS BETTER!) The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("el computador") because: 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on. 2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves. 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time, the ARE the problem; and 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
Try and make sense of this one. A man was walkig one day and suddenly felt thirsty. He turned and walked into a bar, and said "Ouch."
The above appeares to be a variation on the following: Two guys walk into a bar; the third guy ducks. I have come up with a couple of variations on my own: A guy walks into a bar, and then stops to wipe the chocolate off of his face. and... (this is a bit obscure) Two guys in Kentucky walk into a bar. The third guy aims his gun, shoots, and having made his kill, carves his initials, "D.B.", in a nearby tree.
A doctor, a lawyer and a priest charter a large boat to save children after Hurricane Katrina. After they get the children on board and head out to sea, the boat strikes a hidden reef and the captain shouts "we're going down!" The doctor shouts "Save the children!" The lawyer yells "Screw the children" The priest asks "Is there time?"
A Glesca lassie was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to see a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see a well-known Chinese sex therapist, Dr.Chang.Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all you crose." The young girl did as she was told. "Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odder side of room." Again, she did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me." So she did, once again. Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said, "Your plobrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates." Worried, the girl asked anxiously, "Oh mah Goad, Dr.Chang, whit's Ed Zachary Disease?" "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your arse."
