Parents beating their Gay child

Soo, my best friend that I've known since forever. Came out to me when he was 12, same time I was came out that I was Bi.
I told my mom when I was 13.
Then when my mom didn't take it so bad, he decided to tell him mom about it. Well after wards, his father divorced his mom because he was disgusted of his son. But not after beating him, for the first time, and putting him in the hospital with 2 broken ribs & a broken arm & hand.
Now for some stupid reason he wouldn't tell the doctors what happened and he told me to keep my mouth shut. I was furious.
So then his mom told the school he had Cancer and had him homeschool himself. Which he still does until now. She also would not allow his TWIN brother who is STRAIGHT be around him anymore. They hate each other now. She always insults him and beats him. So then he'd start sneaking out at night and having sex with random blokes he meets. He got into drugs. He was just really going downhill and he was only 14.
So this summer, his family moved away to the states (I'm in Canada). He left with an eating disorder because he's always ridiculed at home. He tells me he's better now, with his eating, & that he hasn't done drugs since he moved.
He's now 17 & his mother still beats him. His weight is barely over 100lbs, and he didn't get anything this christmas.
I asked him is he wanted me to send him anything for christmas and he said "No it's fine, you don't have too. This is the only time my brother & mom are a little bit nice to me, so that's all I need for christmas" Can you tell me why someone as sweet & loving as he is deserves such a life?
Hopefully when he turns 18, he'd have saved enough money to come back here & live with me. He knows he's more than welcome.
But I'm just really worried about him, I don't know what to do & I was wondering if anyone has been through something like this & is there's any advice I can give him?

 

thats a terrible story, unfortunatly parents don't really need an excuse to abuse their children and many do so on many levels.
the other unfortunate thing is many children don't want to be taken away from there abusers because even though its terrible thats often the only love they know.
try and encourage him to seek some kind of support, do they have anything like 'childline' (where children who are being abused can ring up?) in the states.
it also sounds like your a great friend, just be there for him, as you are already doing
S

 

He said he doesn't want to go anywhere for support because he's been in & out of hospitals because of his eating disorder & he says he feels unconfortable.
The only thing I can really do is keep checking up on him and telling him how much I care & to hang in there. & of course give him a home after his mom'll most likely kick him out once he's 18. I'm also encouraging him to keep doing the home school so we can go to college together. He's keeping up so far. Thank goodness.

 

the other advice is that you should tell him often 'that his parents are in the wrong here and he has done nothing wrong or anything to be ashamed of'
S

 

He needs to call the police, and i don't care who the fuck these people think they are for beating him. there's my piece of advice, and if my parents try to pull some shit like that, i'll screw them over.

 

I know that but it depends on the kind of person you are also. I've told him thousands of time to call someone, but he just won't do it.
What people don't get is that he doesn't feel he deserves any help. How am I supposed to tell him to get help if he doesn't want it or think he needs it?
It's easy to say that when you're just hearing about it, but knowing what he goes through and being in his place it's so much more harder.
He doesn't want to be taken away from home, to him; if his mother isn't treating him right, than why would anyone else treat him any better?
I really try to make him understand but all I can do is just encourage him and tell him to hang in there cause it's not that much longer before he can brake free & be happy.
What really gets me thinking though, is how he's going to be after he's out of the house & away from his family. I really hope he can have a functual & happy relationship with someone one day. But right now, I don't think he even thinks he'd be anything close to being happy with someone else.
The only person he says he has is me. That's why I'm here. I want to know what I can do for him when he comes to live with me. I want him to get better. But I just don't know what else to do.

 

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I know it is only words on the screen, but I can't help but keep the tears from my eyes. The broken ribs. (I didn't go to the hospital) the shame and the need to keep quiet. The father did more than break his bones, because that probably wasn't his intention, he broke the boys will. How can he trust a person in authority again?

And the mom was upset by the level of brutality? (at least it wasn't directed at her) but she wasn't upset by the reason for it. She divoriced the SOB, and she blames the kid? What they do to us- it's a shame.

Now he doesn't want to make waves, and he doesn't want to eat, and if he's like I was, he wants to be so small that he disappears. A shadow, a glimpse, a dot, nothing.

No, he doesn't deserve the treatment his family gives him. No kid does.

His only relief now is what? If he can still sneak out of the house, get high, fuck a stranger. Does the mom let him do it so that she can punish him later? That type of environment destroys anyone, it is destroying him. I can't imagine how he could save enough money to get away, even if he had a job. He has no control of his environment and no way to take control and he's afraid to live in an environment where he does have control. The monster you know is always more appealing than the monster you can only imagine.

You're name says you are 16, but you say you hope he saves enough money in a year for him to live with you. Are you living on your own? Is it possible that your folks would take him in now. It is always a burden to take in an abused teen. However, if your folks know him, perhaps they can send him a ticket, to visit. If he stays okay, so what's the problem with that. He sneaks out and hops on a bus, he doesn't even have to pack a bag. They have on-line tickets you can buy on the internet. I doubt his mom has the facilities to find out where he went or contest it if she knew.

In the U.S. we have a General Equivalency Test for high school, for kids who are home schooled or drop out. He could study for the test, then come back to the states to take it. There are mail order materials for that. If he was born in Canada, he would be able to claim Canadian citizenship at 18, but still take the same kind of test there, I am assuming that Canada has the same sort of thing.

If there is any way to get him out of THAT situation now, I would do it for him -if I had to lie, cheat or steal. But you may not have those resources. In that case it's almost more painful to know about the abuse and be helpless to do anything. I am sorry for you, too.

Even if you can't get him out now, you have to remember that one friend is really all that anyone needs. It is a burden for you now to be that friend, but I feel like this boy will repay you. You know, he has a well of love he has never been able to share with his family. And that's sad too; but you seem like a mensch; and your love can guide his, like a drop of water primes a well to bring up the gallons that lurk below.
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God , ........I want to take that poor Baby out of That house myself.........I swear to God , people should have to go to school and be certified before they are allowed to have children!!!!!!
I hurt so bad for the boy , and I pray to the gods he will survive with enough sanity intact to be able to ask for help , and accept it , when he feels safe enough.

 

I think he should be pulled out of there whether he likes it or not, for his own safety.
Once he recovers from his pain he'll see that it was the right move.

I can't think of any other way because he doesn't want help and you don't want to break his trust by calling people who can help...This world is very farcical indeed, sometimes to the point where I'd destroy it given the chance just to end the utter idiocy that people produce every day.

 

well im telling you to be a friend to him, get him help, and i dont care if he wants it or not, its up to you to decide if what youre doing is really being a friend and just let him be, taking all the abuse, or you can get him the help he needs and deserves regardless of what he says.

 

Like others who've posted here, I wish I could take him out of that house myself and show him some love. How could any parent hurt their own child that way?? I just can't comprehend it, I don't even spank my son, for the simple fact that I believe it teaches kids that hitting is acceptable, and it just is not. My parents never knew I was bi, I didn't really either until the past year or so, and I'm 37, but I can't imagine they would react in that way (although, in our society, female bi is more acceptable than male bi or gay, what the hell is that about, but that's another topic).


Do whatever you can to get him out of that situation. It's not a home for him, it's a prison, and the warden is abusing her authority. I'm praying for him, and you. Blessings to you both.

 

I really wish I could do something, or call someone up, or I don't know, but if i do, I won't be there with him when he's taken away from his home & he's alone. I'm just really confused right now.
My parents know him & are going to allow him to stay with me when he's 18.
& Thanks for all your blessings & advice.

 

This kid deserves love. The house he lives in is not a home. Like everyone else, I want to take him out of there. No human being deserves that, no matter who they are. Abuse is unacceptable and I would anonymously call DYFS and tell them about what's happening.

Hopefully he soon realizes that he can't live like this. He's worth so much more than this. He deserves a home where he's loved and not beaten up just because he's gay and being blamed for a divorce. News flash: a child's sexuality does not give the green light for parents to blame them for their problems. I can't believe his father would beat him like that and leave the family just because his son felt confident that his family would be okay with his being gay.

I hope that he knows how much you really care about him. I can tell you always let him know how much you care and that he's worth much more than he thinks. I pray that he doesn't fall back into drugs and promiscuity to dull the pain of home.

It isn't right. He deserves a life of his own where he doesn't feel like he's shit to his own family. You're his true friend and as long as he knows that, he should be okay in the end. At least, I pray that he is.

 

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Like I said, I know it is painful for you, too, and I am hoping for the best.

I wouldn't risk calling any authorities, but do keep in constant contact. See that you can get the phone number of at least one friend or acquaintance down there in case you are unable to call him or get a hold of him. And that would be the only time that I would call the authorities. If they do not have SUBSTANTIAL evidence, he may be sent back home, or never really protected. If you can't get a number of someone down there, get a name. But I agree. If you call, and the authorities do nothing, his mom will cut him off from you.

For now, you can line up the numbers for Human Services and Child Protection in the state where he lives. In case something happens, you can be ready. If you feel he is suddenly in mortal danger, call and tell them all you know.

And here's something I hate to tell anyone, but because I am so honest I wish someone had said this to me when my friends were in trouble. Lie. You're parents say that he has to be 18, well if they don't know his real birth day, then I would have him celebrating his birthday sooner. He says he may be leery about coming to your home. Tell him it's only for a visit. He'll want to stay.

Start planning now. That is something you can do. Look up possible ways to get him to your home. Will he fly (probably cheeper) or take the bus or are your folks willing to drive down and get him? What is the best possible way for him to get "home." Does he sneak out at night? Does he take a cab to the airport. Do you or one of your folks fly down to meet him there?

And prepare yourself for when he does come. Line up a councilor. See if their are help groups in your area for GLBT youth, a place where he can talk. Maybe a place where he can go for concealing alone. Call local GLBT organizations and tell them your story and tell them you are preparing for his arrival home.

And prepare your self. He is going to be depressed. Lethargic. And very, very, very angry. If you allow him to be himself. He will. And he will express his anger. Be ready for that, and be sure to not take offense, he will be testing to see if you have the dignity that his mom lacks.

I would never normally suggest this. But I do believe you. If there is a question of your friend getting the money to travel to Canada to see you, I will contribute. Please open a PayPal account and PM me. I will give what I can for his airfare. They may not approve if you ask for money here, I hope it's okay that I offer.

My prayers are being sent to you both right now.

P.S. I'm a Sag. too.

 

I too would like to take this kid from this horrible situation. he does deserve so much more

as hipunk said DO NOT CALL THE AUTHORITIES, because..

One, the kid would most likely say "I don't know what they are talking about. I'm fine and mom treats me fine, she doesn't beat or absue me. Take me back home" then he is returned home and his situation will get worse.

Or two, he gets put in a group or foster home and that may not be as "good" as the one he left. If it isn't gay friendly and others find out his situation could become life threatening.

also, as hipunk said, see if there is someone in the area that can check up on this kid, covertly and then report back to you.

you are doing a wonderful job being his friend. He does need to know HE IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED, he is being used as a scapegoat for the failure of others.

it is a sad fact that tens of thousands of kids under the age of 18 live on the streets of the USA ... work with some street kids and you'll see and hear a lot of things that'll break even the hardest of hearts. I did some volunteer work for a group in LA that tries to look after street kids, this is not homeless kids, these are kids that ran or got kicked out of their homes for various reasons.

I will keep this young man in my heart and hope all works out for him. I wish there was a way I could help.

peace,
bob

 

He lives in the States now right? Well I do not know for sure because he is from Canada but He could always get himself emansipated at 17 which qualifies him as and adult early and gives him the right to leave. Then he could come to live woth you early. My friend did this at 16 because her mom was an abusive witch.
I feel so bad for this kid if he was close I would take him in just to get him out of that situation and show him what is like to be a child that has a loving home and RESPECT for his sexuality. If I could I would give his dad a fose of his own medicine so he knows what it felt like but I would probably go to far out of rage for the situation.
I realized back in 04 that I was bi and my hubby knows and is fine with that. He wasn't sure about it at first thought it ment I would be done with him and off with another woman, once he figured out that wasn't the case he was fine with it. My neice also told us she was bi and we are fully supportive that is the way it should be no other way. This poor boy he truely needs help.
I am glad you are there for him but I'm BEGGING you please try to get him to get out of there.
His dad in my eyes is a worthless SOB and his mother does not rank any higher. People like that should not be allowed to have children.
My prayers are with you and your friend that you remain strong for him and that he will be empowered to get out and grow above his raising.
If you are willing to disclose this were in the States is he?
As all of us have said we would love to help. Maybe we could if one of us was close enough? I do not know but it's worth a gander.
Hipunk who offered the paypal account help is obviously willing to help, as I would be if this boy was close by.
__________________

 

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Emancipation? First, only if the courts in his states allow it, some don't.

He would have to prove that he is financially able to support himself (pay rent, food, medical etc.) Living with a friends family in Canada wouldn't emancipate anyone. It isn't that easy, and the age depends again on the state (in penn. your a minor till the age of 21) and the individual circumstances. If you were 15 and managing a restaurant and renting an apartment anyway, and your folks were drugged out or basically absent, you might have a compelling case and a court would grant emancipation. What that means is that you are culpable and not a future ward of the state.

A court is unlikely to grant legal emancipation because your parents are abusive. In those cases, you'd be placed in a state facility or foster home.

For instance in Georgia, The age of majority is 18, so that's how old you need to be to move out without your parents' permission . (see Georgia Code Title 39, Chapter 1, Article 1.)

OCGA 19-7-1. (a) Until he reaches the age of majority, the child shall remain under the control of his parents, who are entitled to his services and the proceeds of his labor. In the event that a court has awarded custody of the child to one parent, only the parent who has custody of the child is entitled to his services and the proceeds of his labor.

OCGA 19-7-2. It is the joint and several duty of each parent to provide for the maintenance, protection, and education of his or her child until the child reaches the age of majority, dies, marries, or becomes emancipated, whichever first occurs, except as otherwise authorized and ordered pursuant to subsection (e) of Code Section 19-6-15 and except to the extent that the duty of the parents is otherwise or further defined by court order.

So, according to Georgia law you can't even earn your own money before you are 18. Any money you make belongs to your parents. (entitled to his services and the proceeds of his labor)

A child (anyone under the age of 18) cannot just move out from their parents' home. The parents are responsible for the child till that child reaches 18. You can leave your parents' house without their permission when you reach the age of 18, or they can kick you out.

You cannot leave before you reach 18, although there are a few exceptions.

Exceptions to this rule:

If a child gets pregnant, that child can get married without parental consent and after the marriage will be consider emancipated.

The teen can become emancipated. There is no prescribed emancipation status laws, such cases are adjudicated on an individual basis. This requires a ruling from a judge. You must convince the judge that there is good legal reason for you to be able to leave your home. In the state of Georgia on an annual basis this happens about a dozen times. (so, not very likely at all)

The teen can join the military with parental consent at age 17.

Pursuant to Georgia common-law emancipation, if a 17-year-old is self-supporting, the parents can grant permission for them to live elsewhere. The parents can also revoke that permission at any time they choose.

Just because a minor petitions for emancipation rights that doesn't mean he will be granted an emancipation decree. It seldom happens.

From an advocacy site:
If the person is a victim of physical or emotional abuse he/she should contact The Division of Family and Children Services (DFCS) (Georga state social services) for assistance. If the person feels they are in immediate danger they should contact the local police department. An investigation will be done, if circumstances warrant the removal of the minor from the home, she/he will be held in protective custody (not jail) until the court hearing. At that time the judge will review any evidence and hear testimony from all concerned parties before making a determination. The minor child might be returned to parental custody, be appointed a guardian, be placed in a foster home or other type of state supervised living facility.

I think that if he called DFCS a couple weeks before he turned 18, he could get out. An investigation would take that long. It would be interesting to know how long these things take. Then when he turned 18, they wouldn't be able to keep him.

In the above "parents" could be a single parent or guardian. Most of the above information was gleaned from the internet. No, I don't know everything, but google helps me find somebody who does.
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Such a sad story. I have much sadness for him and respect for staying alive this long. I hope you take him in because you can probably give him more love than anyone else has shown him. Best regards. Peace.

 

He's in PENNSYLVANIA right now. He's moving soon though, I'm not sure when & he has no idea where because no one will tell him. When I find out where he's going I'll post.
& Thanks for willing too help pay his way here. I'm going to have to talk to him first, I haven't been able to get a hold of him for about 3 days now, it happens, I don't think anything bad happened though.
I don't want to give to much info away about him because I don't want anyone finding out that knows him & I'm asking advice from you guys without him knowing, because I think he would've said he didn't need to bother people with his problems. But once I found out exactly how we're going to do this then I'll let you guys know. You're all very generous, & I thank you so much for this, he really deserves it.

 

thats rly rly sad