I think a small introduction is needed for this... I'm a 20 year old male and I have... some problems, I guess you could say. I'm posting this here, as a new poster, for the simple reason that the need to speak of them aloud became too great tonight, and since it is not a possibility to do so without being anonymous, I googled "confession forum" and found this place here. I am not sure why I did this, mostly I just need to say what lies so heavily on my mind, and have someone hear it. It certainly wouldnt be worse if someone has any advice, but I am used to dealing with this on my own and I do not really expect any. A drowning man either expects a miracle every second and drowns, or fights for survival himself and survives... which is not to say he wouldn't enjoy a miracle. The greatest of my problems are these two (as briefly as I can write it): (1) I have begun to coldly dislike myself somewhat for my inability to fully repress certain... desires. That is, growing up, I have been unable to rid myself of my attraction to females age 13-16ish. Please don't jump to any conclusion, I must stress right away I fully realise that is not natural and I have never, and cannot imagine i ever will, act on such impulses. It is greatly troubling to me, since I really understate - it's more of an obsessive sexual desire, which I have immense trouble getting out of my head. I'll get back to this in a bit... (2) My second problem needs a small prologue... I am, by most societies' standards, a very decent fellow in most things I do. That is, I treat people well, assist people where I may, have a sponsor child in india for whom i pay everything from housing to medicare and schooling, etc... and I treat my girlfriends very well and am in general a romantic guy, which is why both this one (my second) and my first girlfriend really fell hard in love with me. Which brings me to my problem. I do not really love my girlfriend, I think (and if "I think", I almost certainly ain't, right?). I am rather afraid I might be a sociopath, since I am, aside from sexual desires, mostly devoid of emotion, guilt or a sense of concience. This may sound strange and paradoxical with the above information, but in fact all that is just a result of my thought-out decision of how to live my life. I have "compassion" in the regard that I know it's how anyone should strive to behave - it only makes sense. But I don't really -feel- it. This results in a rather strange balance, since I do think A LOT, as a former philosophy major and someone following general humanitarian ways. However as I've said, my somewhat great libido isn't as impassionate. I can sense joy and sadness to a degree, but "being horny" is about the only thing that really stirs me up. And my girlfriend, really, just isn't very capable of satisfying me... I sort of got caught deeper into the relationship without being aware of it, and now she (an adorably sweet and wonderful person who deserves the best, truly) is deeply in love with me. I really wish I hadn't done that to her, we live together now and my mind would not allow me to hurt her. I truly believe, and I have experience in such matters, that she would attempt and maybe succeed in suicide should we break apart. I know in most cases such statements are overexaggeration, something people get over, but in her case - it really isnt. She doesnt have much to go back to. So I try my best to make my life work, with those two burdens on my head. I can't stop thinking of girls I shouldn't sexually, and I can't stop fantasising about adultery on top of that! Even though my "adopted morals" strongly forbid any such thing, I cannot stop both those thoughts from invading my mind. The only succession i've made to these desires outside of masturbation to them is reading stories online of such things (which is entirely legal, and entirely immoral I'd think as well). Doing so always makes me think horribly of myself, although again, I don't really feel any moral guilt. This distresses me to no degree. I cannot afford therapy to try to work out what's up with me, and I think it should be fairly obvious why it's difficult to confide to anyone in real life about these things. Especially as most friends and family view me as "the empathic nice guy in the family who always understands them". Really, it's usually just a matter of putting pieces together, facts, nothing emotional... Sincerely, (and my apoligies for the length) Adopted-Fake-Identity-Here.
By definition, I don't think you are completely anti-social. perhaps you have some traits sliding in that direction. Perhaps you are very self critical and unforgiving of your own human limits. You recognize right from wrong and have developed appropriate responses to your "desires". You KNOW they are wrong despite their allure. Some of the most successful people in life have very similar personality traits. I suspect part of your pain might be in the yearning for "real feelings". You may well always question whether you have real feelings as opposed to simply doing what you intellectually know is the right or expected thing. Your concern over a fasination for young girls appears to be held in check by what you are saying...you intellectually know its wrong and you know society will punish you severely if you act on those feelings. OK, thats cool...so then what do you do with the feelings? Surpress them if they stay surpressed...use them as solitary fantasies while you "entertain yourself". If you never advance beyond that then no harm done except for your self revulsion. Learn forgiveness for yourself...you are mortal...subject to the package of flesh and bone given to you for this life. You obviously have great intellect and insight, for that be very grateful, it too, is part of your package. On the subject of 13 to 16 year olds, be aware if you feelings ever go into a "practice" stage wherein you begin to think of ways you could act on the feelings. If you ever enter that stage, recognize it for an extreme warning sign and get help regardless of the cost. It will be much less painful to seek help than to act further. Regarding your current girlfriend, I suspect you know what you have to do and the thought of hurting her grieves you to the point you are immobilized. The longer you wait to act the greater the pain for all involved, I suspect. Interesting head you have young man...maintain your ability to communicate and I suspect you will do well. Que Te Vaya Bein
Thank you for your response. I've always somewhat wondered what sort of reactions id get to an explanation of my situation. Although I think I'll try to make things work out with her. She is trying to make things work out, and I think I'll give it the same shot. Life's a matter of compromise at the best possible point, after all... and sometimes it's just a matter of choosing the best you can.
I don't know how to reply to this and that frustrates me because I found your post so intriguing. I think its because I too often feel that I am devoid of emotion, and it scares me, as it does you. I've found no solution. However, as the previous poster said, you have been dealt your package and its your responaibility to make the best of it. And you seem to be. It wasn't your decision to like young girls or lack compassion. I doubt you lack compassion. You might just have issues that are preventing it from surfacing. Like the cowardly lion who we discover isn't so cowardly. Good luck
Wow, great insight. I, like you, sometimes feel the same way, that lack of any serious emotions. While this really won't work so well for the 13-16 year olds, the issue with your girlfriend might best be solved through actually committing infedelity. Perhaps you are just so convinced that there is emotionally something better out there that you can't appreciate what you already have...perhaps going out there and doing it would actually help. But, I have no experiance with it, so I can't say for sure. Maybe some other members will have better insight with it, and at the very least it gives you something to ponder. Good luck.
I feel i have a lot to give in response to this, so please check back later...i just dont have the time right now, but i have things to share
Everyone has something they need to get off their chest. If no one pulled the kryptonite from around Superman's neck, he would be dead. Not neccessarily unnatural... inappropriate? maybe. Depends on where you live. In my state 16 is the legal age of consent, anything lower than that is jail bait. And like someone said, acting on these urges could be disasterous. Nice guys tend to think alot. doubt it. Ted Bundy was a sociopath. Didn't seek help ( not like you ) Imagine yourself without her. Then get back to me. Studies show that men tend to rely more on logical thinking, and focus less on emotional input when making decisions. Vice Versa for women. So congrats. You are a guy. Bingo. You think a lot. The root of your problem imo. Me too. Nature's trick to get us to reproduce. Normal. Did you tell her what you like? Communication, most important part of the relationship, and the gateway to great sex!!! call it logical thinking if you want. But that is compassion, the shadow of love. COMPASSION COMPASSION COMPASSION!!! so how does this "thinking horribly of yourself" make you FEEL? Guilty? I think so. Sure it does. That is why you are here. Try your girlfriend If she loves you as much as you say, she will want to help you. Remember Girl-friend :Girl for sex, friend for everything else. If not, there must be someone you can talk to. Sounds like you are trying to live up to the image you project. The other root to your problem. Shame is an emotion General Solution: Assert yourself.
guy above me answered perfectly you should read, and if you have any questions respond and think you haven't done anything wrong yet, and also sociopaths by definition don't think they're sociopaths, and don't get help, and don't feel guilt, or restrict themselves from touching their daughters, or worry about their girfriend's life, or have a need to vent, or confess if you did something already then your guilt and desires would be so much stronger; trust me;
If you don't love your girlfriend you sholddn't be with her. The relationships are for having real love hor someone not for treating someone good. The life that you're living may hurt the girl more than to tell her the truth. That life isn't so moral because you are not real, you are just pretending. Fell free to do what you think and feel. And you seem like an emotional gay. If you don't feel like sutisfying the others why should you sutisfy them? It's your life and you sholud live like you like it not like you think you should. Go on and suprise the others with your behavior. Be a kid.
I wouldn't call 13-16 unnatural, since girls are in puberty by that age and can/do have babies at that age. It is just younger than legal in places. Remember that those urges you get are the same as ugres that other people get for other kinds of sex. For example, the frenzies that submissives go through sometimes. The thoughts may plague you, but you have full control over your actions so you don't have to worry about acting upon them. (Btw, I find 16 year olds attractive too , but I'm 16). As for the not feeling emotions, that sounds like a Schizoid Personality Disorder trait possibily or some kind of other disorder. Antisocial Disorder is where you don't care about the rights of others (use others, insult them, ect...). Not loving your girlfriend also sounds like a schizoid trait. The fact that it doesn't distress you (distresses you to no degree as you said) sounds like a schizoid trait too. Why do you want to commit adultery? Do you not enjoy sex with your girlfriend?
UnnamedShame... Good post... Um, there is more I could say but for now I'll just say I agree with zanarkand's points.... Oh and I wanted to ask you how old you are?
LuckyStripe ^^^^^^^^^ Sounds like things are headed in the right direction for you "UnNamedShame". Being able to communicate your feelings even to a faceless group of people is a huge step. By the way, it's never a bad thing to talk to a therapist, and it doesn't mean your crazy, or out of your mind, or any non sense like that. But talking to a therapist can be a very relaxing, and rewarding experience. I think everyone should do it, even people who would never feel the need to. It can be extraordinarly enlightening! =)
Well lets put it this way, would you rather see yourself with your girlfriend or with a 13-16 year old, if the latter is preferred, maybe your should (for the sake of yourself) seek some guidance. And I know it sounds bad, but as a young child I was incredibly angry and dark, I went and saw a psychologist, and through a year and half of weekly sessions, I was feeling confident, and I was given strategies to help deal with my problems. Now I'm a functioning member of society, and aside from occasional bouts of anger towards authority figures at my school (lol) I'm feeling fine.
