Ok here's my situation, my x b/f is still in love with me to the fullest extent. I think he's a cool dude and everything, but the problem is that we both are on different tracks. I'm in college and I only have 1.5 years left until i get my degree. He just works at a video game store and told me that he doesn't plan on changing anytime soon. I need someone on my same level. Someone who I can have intelligent conversations with and stuff. Plus, when and if I do get married, I'd like someone who has an education or a good job. I don't want to be the only person paying the bills and such. I'm not saying money is everything because that is not my point, but I don't want to be the only person paying for everything. He has so much potential and does nothing with it. Am I wrong for setting these expectations for my significant other? I'm only 21, but I only have less than 2 years left of college and I guess I have to start thinking about what I want in my life.
Not at all. I went through somewhat of the same deal, only switch the gender's. And I felt like I wasted ten years. Keep your expectations high. After all, it is your life.
No you're not wrong at all. There's nothing wrong with knowing what you want and accepting nothing less. Don't settle for him just because he's an ok guy. Wait for the person who meets your expectations and standards. If you settle you will only cause yourself misery. Wait for the right guy, you deserve it.
Agree with the People Above...But maybe if you tell him that in a nice way..you could motivate him somehow...what you said is 100% right.
So, you're saying that because this guy works at a video store, and you don't you're better than him? Are you insinuating he's ignorant and can't have intelligent conversations with you just because he doesn't attend college? Everyone has different expectations, but you're acting like this guy is a complete moron because he isn't in school.
I think she was saying that since he plans on working on the video game store that his future is not as bright as hers. They are headed in two separate directions. She is headed for middle - upper class and he is headed for the lower class. As for his intelligence she would know better than us. Of course it's quite possible for him to be as intelligent, or even more so, than her. She is implying that is not the case. No way for us to know but I trust her judgment on this one.
You're swayed by the need to find "the right one." I believe your decision is ok, so long as it's made in complete awareness and self-questioningly. There is a lot of social pressure out there on women to simply get married with a guy that'll pay/share the bills. Some of it you have most certainly internalized no matter how unorthodox your ideas or lifestyle may be. I prefer to think of human being's lives as experimentation, rather than a pre-coreographed linear progression to the job/marriage/kids/car in the garage/dogs idyllic scenario. Meditate on the issue, identify the sources of you ideas, and you could do no wrong... or at least you'll be in the position to do it right next time. Take care, sweetie.
I guess I see it a bit differently than some of the others here. If you love the guy and want to be with him, who cares what he does for a living? Would you rather him make tons of money but HATE his job? Or would you rather him be happy and satisfied, even if he doesn't make a lot of money? My boyfriend is an artist...he doesn't make much money, but you know what? I love him and admire him for doing something that he loves to do...If I'm the breadwinner, I'm OK with that...if I have to eat out of a dumpster so that he can do what he loves, I'm OK with that, too...because I love HIM, not the amount of money or his career status.
im totally with annie on this. the thing is, people are too materialistic these days. its all about carreers and having loads of money. just because he is in a video game store (ok, not my ideal thing) doesnt mean thats all he's into, and thats all he'll talk about. also, just because you have an education on your belt, it doesnt mean you're any higher or lower than ANYONE. "go with your head"...fuck that, learn to use your mind and heart in unity [=
I think you all misunderstood me. I'm NOT all about money. I'm an education major and you don't make a lot of money being a teacher. What I'm saying is that he is not doing what he wants. He already told me this. I'm just thinking he is in a depression. I just can't handle that. He's on a different path than me. I want to move and he does not. He just wants to work where he is and never move. I need change in locations. I've been in PA my entire life. Trust me, I'm not brainwashed into thinking that money is everything.
Have no fear, I know your not all about the money. I do read your posts when I happen upon them. I don't know I just think that you find yourself being pulled in a different direction. He sounds like he belongs in the movie clerks and you sound like you belong in a hippy town up in the mountains, teaching and traveling to gatherings during your ample time off. I would just hate to see you stuck in one place, and held back by someone who may have to work until the day he die's. As a teacher you will likely have over 1 million saved when it is time for you to retire (you'll realize this a few years into your proffesion, tax free investments etc). I always hesitate to come across as classist, but I would like to see you enjoy the rewards of the work you have been putting in at school.
