I've grown up in a tight knit country club community my entire life, and for the past four years, have suffered from major depression and when asked to seek help my parents have declined my pleas. Anyways, about a year and half ago I met a boy who is two years older than me, we bonded, and i dont mean in a stupid "oh im in love" teenager way, I know i really care about him. He has shown me a whole another world aside from the one ive grown up in. A one without lies, a one without bullshit, and a one where love really does exist. our relationship is amazing. There is only one problem, my parents. they hate him, he was charged with possession of marijuana in my front yard last year when i had a party and the police came, and my mom watched him get searched, he apologized to them the next day, he knew he was stupid for doing that, and did everything he could to show my parents he knew it was disrespectful, but they HATE him. They hate him for being so liberal, honest and open. I'm not allowed to his house, so I have to lie, which I absoulety hate doing, and he hates me lying about him. It really sucks, i have pressure from my parents to be this girl that fits to their life, but I'm not. I may sound young, and I am, I'm only 17, but liek i said earlier, I'm not your "average" or "typical" 17 year old. This whole conflict between making my parents happy, myself happy, and my boyfriend happy is really wearing down on me, its become harder to smile from day to day due to my "failure" to please the people I love. Because my parents won't send me to a psychologist (god forbid their daughter needs help with her feelings) I would really appreciate it if someone could tell me how to handle this delima with my boyfriend. I truly love him, but I hate lying, and I've faught and faught and tried to rationalize, compromise, everything with my parents, and they dont budge. So could someone give me some real advice?
I had/still have a tough time with my parents and it's not easy when the people you love somehow cannot be happy for you when you're happy. Some healthy skepticism is not all bad, even in love. Perhaps think about your feelings over again. If you cannot handle this in your brain alone, do think about talking to a councellor who you can trust. Do you have any at school? There are usually hotlines too, public, that you can call especially for teenagers. Don't take them forgranted or that it's like talking to a machine. I used to work for a nightline like this, and we were trained rigorously. It was a university campus emergency nightline. There were many painful stories and a whole different side of the world. There are people who will listen to you. Keep in mind that some are trained to give advice while others are not. Focus on your accomplishments too. Failures are good to acknowledge but have your convictions. Don't let your boyfriend be your sole attention. There should be more in life, know what I mean? Best of luck.
If he's doing drugs of any kind, it's not a healthy relationship and I understand why your parents would disapprove. Don't settle for just anyone. As far as the help, tell a teacher, a couselor, a hotline, if you're parents wont get you the help you need, try to get it for yourself.
Smoking some pot is the sign of an unhealthy relationship? Shit, if that was the case I should have been divorced 10 years ago at least! There is a time and place for generalizations but that one was pretty freakn' narrow. Like those before me: Try and get some help on your own. I know it sucks calling a hotline when you know Mom n' Dad could probably afford top notch but it's a place to start and maybe they can show you how to open a realistic dialogue with your parents, at least to the point where they have to acknowledge that maybe they should pony up in the help department. Getting them to change thier minds about the boy...well that'll be tougher and maybe impossible depending on how stubbon your parents are. Just keep in mind any consequences (long and short term) of doing anything rash to balk against that. And remember, you're young and you have time on your side. I know that's a tough one to internalize when you're in the grasp of the power of new love. If this boy is truely 'the one' then be patient as you'll have a lifetime together. Just an off the wall suggestion: Have you tried writing to your parents? Explaining things in word can sometimes be more effective. It eliminates immediated reaction dialogue which is usually where things breakdown - someone gets on the defensive. Think carefully about what you'd like to say to them. Chose your words. Control your tone with the words and write rationally. Give it to them then go out for a few and give them time to really think instead of just react. And start with just the 'getting some help' problem, don't bog it down with too much other stuff that might overwhelm them. It sorta sounds like there's emotional irrationality being percieved on both sides here. So it's probably gonna be tough all around. Best of luck to you and keep your feet on the ground.
Well, a Year and a half should be enough to know whom you are with...Parents usually object just for the sake of their children...What i suggest is to keep going with your studies well..this will prove to them that he is not an obstacle and should reduce the tension..Also start seeing him from the point of view of evaluating him with something else than heart...if you think he is ok...keep seeing him, protecting your self not to get more serious events..i.e. getting pregnant or being involved in Drugs...and do the little lies till time passes more and things get clearer. The only prove to your Parnts and you would be: where this relation is leading you ? to the better or the worst. Up or Down ?! Positive or Negative ? If it makes you Happy, Good with your studies, healthy, no drugs, no abuse...then Fine. Enjoy it.
I agree with Hannah, Body Electric and Subgoined on this. Writing to your parents is a good idea, and see what comes out of that. As for the lying, I don't agree with h it either, but I really don't see a solusion there other than writing another letter ot your parents regarding it and how it is makjing you feel, them telling you not to see this guy, after this issue about your feelings has been handled. I also think the idea of a hotline is also a good one.
You will be 18 in a few months. At that point they can take their opinion of your boyfriend and shove it where the sun don't shine. Keep lying until you are 18, you are almost there. RE: the depression. Take the advice of the posters above (except for the newbie "sheeple").
Hey 1love7766, you are definitely a candidate for hippiness (maybe hippness too, but later.) C'mon girl, a few more months and then freedom. Dontcha think all us bad wingers have had trouble with 'rents, sibs, and snooty friends? It is good for hippy character development! And then you move on. Don't bother challenging you pa 'n ma, they'll never understand. Wait, watch, and trust the karma - git outta there when you can. They hate, make sure that in the struggle for liberation you send vibes of kindness! Bless.
