I kow this isn't the place for it exactly but it DOES have a little to with parenting. I just need to get some of it out Well, my MIL law came to visit this past week. I spent the week prior to her arriving busting my butt to get everything SPARKLING clean. I mean I was on my knees with a scrub brush scrubbing floors, walls, anything that wouldn't melt if water and soap touched it. As my DH said "The Virgin Mary herself would be proud to shit on that toilet!" (Apologies if I just insulted anyone.) DH and I were stressed to the max. What does she do when she gets here?? She dismantles my fridge and scrubs and says things like "Its full of toxic waste, you could kill your family this way." I clean out leftovers at least once a week. There was NOTHING spoiled in there. It just wasn't as sparkly as she likes it. And anyway, someone who has a maid has absolutely NO RIGHT to judge anybody elses housekeeping skills! So finally we (DH and I) explode and have a HUGE fight, in our bedroom one evening, with the door CLOSED. Afterwards I went out to call my dad or someone and cry and I was creeping past her to the front door and she said for me to come to her and she held out her arms. She was laying in bed with the covers pulled back and I thought she wanted me to lay down next to her so I hopped in next to her. In my family this is normal but she later told my husband it was WEIRD that I got into bed with her. Anyway, she told me that the best thing she was able to to do in her marriage was just to forget all the bad things and get over it. I got why she's so icy now. She just shoves evrything away and never deals with it. She also said I could make my husband (her son) happy by being nicely dressed and made up and waiting sweetly with a hot dinner when he got home. Like that would solve ALL our problems. Then she patted me and said "Now go tell Steve everythings O.K. because we had a little mother daughter heart to heart." The whole time she was here she was engineering seperations between me and Jimmy. She thinks we are "un-naturally close" and I should wean him. "A little time away from you won't kill him." Also the co-sleeping/bathing should stop. She even would try to get my friend to agree with all these things whenever I wasn't in the room. My friend was so pissed off by that, she said she was "indirectly insulting" me the whole time. It was getting so bad that Jimmy was freaking out if I even went to the other side of the room. He never knew when the Ice Queen was going to grab him and forcefully hold him away from me. So (and I shouldn't have let her do this) finally she forced me into the car, again away from Jimmy despite my protests ( and he FREAKED OUT like never before over this), to pick up a prescription, and once she got me in there she attacked me! She kept saying things like "I wasn't listening (to our argument)but it sure sounded like Steve was being resonable and you were just screaming. It sounded like what he was saying made alot of sense. I wasn't listening but blah de blah...." And she was taking about my parents financial situation which is none of her business. If I ever asked her about HER damn money she would be insulted. We went to look at houses and we found one we adored and she knew it. She strutted around it for an HOUR talking about if we were to buy it and would the furniture come with it? and she was touching EVERYTHING as if we already owned it. We kept telling her it was WAY to much for us to handle. She kept talking like they were going to give us money to help but not saying how much or when etc. After she left ( a day early and in a huff) Steve called her and she said she was so worried about me and the way we raise Jimmy blah blah and she was all ready to write us a big check for the house but now she wasn't so sure. Steve said right back "Well, we weren't counting on any money from you anyhow since you were being so vague about it. We were planning on buying a house we coud afford with or without your help." They think they can dangle their damn money over our heads. If they give us ANYTHING theres a million strings attached and we have to live just the way they tell us to. His family is wealthy and yet Steve has bought everything himself since he was 13. All they care about is money. His childood was all sparkly and pretty on the outside but they gave him NO affection or emotional support. I just know I'm raising Jimmy the best way possible and I don't care WHAT they say. One of the reasons DH loves me so much is because of how openly loving and affectionate I am with our son. WHew. Sorry. Needed to vent.
My advice would be to drop the passive aggressive crap and out her right when these things are happening. You have to put some people in their place sometimes. I had very simular issues with my FIL. I dealt with it for 2 years before finally just stating my opinion anyway. This lead to a big fight at my daughters dance recital of all things when he told me that MY child was not allowed to run to this sign and back. He thought it was acting up. Anyway so I went through it all. I told him to back off, mind his own business or just leave. Anyway my wife gets upset and we start fighting. There was a lot more to it but in the end I basically threatened to kick his ass. I was pissed and I am not a aggressive person in general. We didn't talk for like a year. Then one day he just shows up acting like everything is fine. He actually looks at me for permission to let the kids do things now. Even my wife who was so frightened by a confortation with her father now agrees it was the best thing for all of our relationships. Sometimes you just have to put people into their place no matter what the cost. Some people won't give you respect until you demand it. If being direct doesn't solve anything, I would have a spouse visiting parents alone. Good luck.
I don't have any real advice, except to avoid her as much as you possibly can. ((((Hugs and support))))
She's a manipulative Ice Queen, as you already know. The worst thing you and your dh could do is to take ANY money from her. She will never let you live it down, and will act as if SHE owns your house, and will start telling you what you can and can't do with it. Better to live in an apartment or a trailer than to owe her anything. Be your own person, and if your dh won't, get some professional help for him. It's hard, when your partner's parents are nuts, but you have to do what is right for yourself and your baby. You are smart and strong. Don't allow her into your life, unless YOU are calling shots. There is nothing wrong with this, you are an adult and taking anything from her only keeps you and your dh children. Just Say No to her money, favors and, for heaven's sake, do NOT LET this womyn "babysit."
Everything you all are saying is right! I tell my husband I would be happy living in a cardboard box as long as we have each other and our little family! And you know, we aren't hurting at all financially. It's just housing is SOOOO expensive in the DC suburbs. We will be just fine.
