Two part question 4 women & men

Well, i didn't know really where to post this, so i thought of asking you guys some feedback and advice. Here's the deal. I'm very skinny, so i'm not the super powerful guy you see on magazines. The thing is, i live in a quite hostile environment (not precisely dangerous), so i decided to practice BJJ Brazilian Ju Jitsu. The reasons i started with this, were that martial arts make me feel more confindent in the street, and i guess they make me feel more of a man, especially if i have a girlfriend (it would be nice for me to know how to fight in order to defend her).
The dilema is the following, i like doing BJJ because it gives me confidence,
security, and it will help to defend my loved ones on perilous situations. But on the other hand i'm getting tired of the training, i'm not the kind of violent person, i don't like to get "rough" on a daily basis, i'm just doing them to feel better, not because i really enjoy them (see the problem?). Which brings me to the next question:

Do women really give importance to solutions with violence?? I mean, if someone calls you a HOT BITCH for example, what do you expect from your boyfriend?? Ignorance, violence or just a comment such as "shut the fuck up!" (which eventually will lead to violence...). I mean only provocation kind of circumstances, not direct conflicts. It's obvious that if someone would touch my girl i will automatically kill the moth**fu***.

I was just wondering...I really don't know how to react, i'm afraid that if i choose to ignore the guy, i would be considered a pussy. I know that women like to feel protected, i'm not questioning that, i was just thinking of what approach to take...

Si basically, i would like to know if it's really worth continuing with my BJJ training...Is it really important? Do women care about this issue?

 

I can tell you that I don't like violent men.
Especially over a comment like "your a hot bitch". It doesn't turn me on I have dumped guys for things like that. I can take care of myself when it comes to stupid comments that guys make.

 

So you don't think he's a chicken shit for not "reacting"?? Thanks for the answer

 

I don't think a guys a chicken for not reacting for something like that.

 

I agree with skittles on this one. I don't feel the need to resort to violence over an ignorant comment.

 

Word. I expect eyerolling and laughter in such a situation. I mean, hot bitch? Yes I can be hot and yes I can be a bitch, what's the problem?

I do think that martial arts can be relaly good for some people. But I think you should do it for you and not for some mysterious nonexistant girlfriend.

But do you really want to quit this early on? Feel like a quitter over it?

 

I used the example "hot bitch" because i didn't know really what to use, it could be any rude comment i don't know..."I want to rape your g/f by the ass!!!" something agressive, don't take the examples so strictly!!

I didn't get that last comment. I wouldn't feel like a quitter, why do i have to continue doing somenthing just to feel good? But not enjoying it.
If you would have read the whole thread, you could have noticed that i said that i live in a hostile environment, impliying that i used martial arts to defend myself too.
I guess i'm being insecure a bit, i just wanted to know what women thought about that situations, i don't want to be asking my SO someday "would you like me kicking his ass??" lol.

 

You should be doing it for yourself for exercise or stress relief. Violence is not the answer of tough situations. Most anything can be handled without violence. I use to be a very jealous person when it came to the man in my life. I would be ready to exploded when something was said or a pass was made. Though over the years I have come to realize they are with me because they want to be they could walk away at anytime they are not chained her. The fact that they stay says they want to be with me.
Now say some guy was physically trying to hurt you current lady by all means kick his butt with in reason which is enough to get them away from her and cut out of there asap.

 

I think some sport activity in every man is a good thing specially what gives him/her a kind of confidence, relases tension ..etc. You can reduce it a little or change to others. Frequent is mort important than inensity.

Also concerning the other question, it does not make sense to fight a group of men for such a remark because you will endanger the female more & more, also if the one person is too mighty looking or something, but in either case if the thing is a kind of daily routine then maybe you should ask for some help from others, walk with group of male friends just to show you are not alone for one or two times ..etc.

On the other hand, most of women will be happy because you fought for them, some show it some not, even if you got beaten.

 

Thanks for the answer.

 

Definitely would not react - I would not expect any guy to react to any comment, I am very anti-violence and would never advocate it, who cares what the idiots doing the name calling may think of you? A real man would not have to prove the size of hsi dick by smashing in the other guy's face for saying HOT BITCH.

 

I liked your answer, thanks, very convincing.

 

My love is skinny (but I have only ever loved very thin boys) but he puts his energy into meditation, non-violence and being the best whole being he can be! which is far sexier than some dude - big or small - that can bash the hell out of anyone.
Imhurria's right, its really wierd to be doing something for a girl you haven't got and know nothing about yet. Bizzare in fact... but very common so dont feel too bad. You have to do what you want and be you for YOU AND YOU ALONE! Then you will draw love and similar people into your life...
"Where intention goes energy flows"
And right now your intention is on something that doesn't exist so nothing can possibly come from it. Except alot of frustration!
True confidence is found in a man who would not be swayed by such events.

Peace to ya...

 

Maybe a change in martial arts style would be a good compromise. Aikido in its pure form, doesn't have any strikes (it's aikijutsu, not aikido if it does). Lots of throws, joint locks, etc. so the training is still strenuous, but in my mind much less violent since you're only redirecting your attacker's violence without responding violently yourself. There's also a lesser known art called Goshin Budo which was developed for police, it's very similar to Aikido. Also, some of the progressions of training from Tai Chi Ch'uan appear to be less violent in response, but I haven't trained in any of them so I'm not sure.

I think that a decent skill level in a martial art allows you to be far less violent, since you can let the situation progress farther before you feel physically threatened. It's kind of like having a big red STOP button you can push at will, so you can take longer to verbally defuse the situation. Also, many people are afraid to throw the first punch at someone who is obviously not afraid of them.

 

I agree with Gaston. There are far less antagonistic and aggressive martial arts focussed on self-defense first and foremost before nearly murdering the opponent unnecessarily. The philosophy is different also. I think you're experiencing a total disjunction behind the mental and spiritual learning, and the martial art in action. Perhaps re-evaluating the style you're training in and asking questions about yourself will help you find the right path.

Secondly, it's very sweet to think of your girlfriend or loved ones but in most cases, I don't think a good woman with a decent amount of sense would ever condone violent behaviour. It's actually a turn off more than anything to see someone lose control - mentally, physically, spiritually. I would be very disappointed.

Thirdly, be conservative. Pick your battles. A woman is not entirely helpless and neither should your assumptions inhibit her.

 

It's the Balls, not the penis hahahaha - but agree with you.lol

 

Mine would probably comment and then we'd move on before *I* kicked the guy's ass but my man is definately big enough that it probably wouldn't get said in the first place. While he can look intimidating, what makes my man an even bigger man is that he's wise enough to know that an assault charge would screw with our lives and that reacting out of some stupid concept of honour isn't worth the consequences.

 

Thanks for your answers. Brazilian Ju Jitsu has no filosofy, i consider martial arts filosofy to be kind of BS...sorry. BJJ is only leveradges, locks and choking techniques, thus 0 blows. I would love to practice Aikido, but BJJ is one of the FEW martial arts that has not be commercially poluted, and has VERY HIGH standards regarding rank promotion.
I'm still not sure about what to do...I guess i'll continue with my training for now. Thanks to all the women, especially Hannah for not bashing me for not having a girlfriend. Thanks everyone .
Echo the small: I thought that when a man knew how to bash heads was kind of appealing...See how i said only "know how" and not actually "does bash...".

 

I am closing this thread...... not even sure why it was posted in here in the first place.

Nothing like a thread that is nothing.

Closed.

Heat

 

Illidan:
It's hard to give a cut and dried answer on this without knowing the context. I can tell you that in my junior high/high school years I was the schoolyard coward, and I suffered for it. After I got out of there, in my early twenties I studied karate for a couple of years, going no higher than yellow belt. Without looking for trouble, I was able to prevent trouble a couple of times, not often.

I would say, keep in there with your discipline. I like to be nice, but I like to be strong enough to know that I don't have to be nice. I like to know that I can put a guy down if necessary, if push comes to shove. There are some guys out there who will push, and like to feel some resistance. If they feel that resistance, they stop. If not, they push some more. I think you know what I mean.

You might want to have a talk with your martial arts instructor (dojo sensei) about these issues. Most people don't begin a martial art because that art (tai kwon do, ju jitsu, karate, kick boxing) is a lot of fun. They begin a martial art because someone just creamed them, or forced them into a dishonourable situation.

Meanwhile, practice a few takedowns. If the bastard calls your date a "hot bitch" for no good reason, you might try seizing a thumb with both hands, then pulling him towards you, off balance, and following through in a way he'll remember, especially if he dislocates a shoulder. This has to be learned, as well as taught, by serious students until committed to fast-reflex memory. Black belts just love to teach this stuff until their student has it down as a workable skill.

You can't always be lucky, but you can be ready as a result of hard training.