Need some love advise, so here i am...

The back story:

I am currently 20 and in a relationship with a girl my age. We have been together for just over 4 1/2 years now. I can honestly say that i love her and that she loves me. We met in Highschool and have been together ever since.

Before we had met each other, we both had extremely little experience. She was my first for everything sexual from foreplay, to intercourse and everything in between. i was her first for everything too. we are still dating thus she is still the only one i've experienced anything with. we've been very loyal and have never had any troubles with our relationship, we are actually teased by friends saying that we are too perfect for each other.

The problem:

I have a friend (girl) who i have been friends with since before i can remember. and, since before i can remember, she's wanted to be with me. we've always made better friends tho. we've flirted, a lot, even while dating the girl i'm with now, but nothing ever got serious between us.

However, reciently i've been wondering about having sexual experience with other people. i can't help it because i've never had it with anyone save for one person. to go along with this, i have been flirting a lot with this other girl and our attraction is slowly on the rise (we're still just flirting tho, nothing physical has happened)

to be honest i would like to have something physical with this other girl. doesn't have to be intercourse, but even just a good make out session, or maybe more, but just to experience something, with someone else.

i know i have something good with the girl i'm dating now, i know others would kill to have what i do, i know that i love her, but it's almost like she simply came into my life 5 years early resulting in me not having experienced anything sexual with anyone else.

Advise?

 

Wow....that is a hard one....you have to ask yourself which is more important...sex , which is what you would have with the girl , or Love , which is what you already have with your lady. Is sex worth losing love over....and even if your lady remained with you , it wll probably change her feelings a little...or give her an excuse to do the same thing with another guy. How would you feel if she did ?

 

Wait, you love your gf? If you do, why the hell would you want to have sex with this other girl? If you only want to try how would sex be with someone else - I can understand you but I wouldn't do that, I love my bf and I have never wanted to do such a thing! If you want something deeper with this, second girl - you dont really love the first one.
Ummm... I dont know, this is just too strange for me:/

 

The fact that you are looking at all tells me that you are dissatisfied with your relationship in some way. You should be discussing this with your girlfriend. You might be surprised what being open and honest can accomplish. She might get mad at you and break up with you on the spot, then your problem is solved. She may be having the exact same feelings you are and consent to a non-exclusive relationship, problem solved. She may want to stay with you, but demand that you stay faithful, in which case you must make the decision whether or not to stay.

You will never ever be wrong in a relationship by being open and honest. But when I say that, I mean for you to be open and honest before you do things, not ask for forgiveness after the fact. This is a mistake many people make in relationships, its not fair to the other person not to allow them to make informed choices about their lives.

 

The dilemma: You started dating her at 15 and you both now are 20 and you wonder if it would be different with another woman. The answer - you two now have gotten to know each other sexually for 4.5 years and are very comfortable with each other, which is the best. Do you want to marry her? If so, resist fooling around with that other girl. You did not say where you are from and if she is all you would ever want in a woman. If so, go for it and marry her or get engaged. However, 20 is a little young to marry these days (at least in the USA) and if you are in college it could be difficult.

Men and women are all built the same, and sex is sex, and the other girl may be better in some ways but not in others sexually, but if you are happy with your lover, keep her. And consider her feelings if you dump her or cheat on her.

 

You need to tell her... Believe you me, your relationship is not perfect and it's only going to get worse if you're feeling stifled and unfree. I've been there.

In the end those feelings are going to end it anyway, there is no witholding thoughts as powerful as the ones you're having... like the other poster said, allow her to make an informed choice as to whether she'll stay with you.

Hopefully both of you understand that life-long monogamy is not the only expression of love between two people.

I see only two choices, since the cat is out of the bag: You guys take time out. Or you guys experiement together.

In other words, you are already feeling this way, it's a consumate fact that you want your friend. The idealist Christians in this thread will keep shooting their mouth off about some idealized notion of "love", but life is a little messier than it looks in Hollywood.

 

Think you are honest person, also will be obssesed with the idea more and more with time. Go and do it. Then you will be more sure if you are with the girl you love because of her or because of sex.

Do it.

But if you can, not with that girl you have seen since ever, you know why.

 

well first before you do anything with anyone you should sit your gf down and talk to her about what little experience you both have and ask her if she feels the need to ever get physical with anyone else just for the experience. and then talk about how you have been wanting to get physical with someone else just for the experience so that you dont feel so inexperienced. let her know that you love her and would do anything for her and this whole phase isnt about not loving her cuz you do you just want to have a lil more experience so that you can please her better. if you let this thing fester it will eventually get the best of you in a year or a week or however long it takes for you to give in. so it is better to just talk with your gf and let her know this is something that you must do and if she feels the need to do the same then she should go and do it just as long as she is open and honest about it.

 

This advice from Number6, and the advice from FallenFairy is wonderful.

Let us know how things are going for you.

If I were you, I'd like for her to explore also, and get a couple of juicy details after, but I'm not you.

 

Start having threesomes.

 

This is why I don't understand young marriages, nor believe in "young love". Monogamy starts far too early and it is uncomfortable and utterly suffocating.

You should get out and taste more skittles, dabble with more flavours in the icecream parlour. Don't waste your life on one person when you're so young, especially if you feel this way.

 

I agree with hannah. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about love and marriage. But you can't be happy with your girlfriend always thinking what it would be like with someone else. That's going to rot the relationship from the inside out. And don't think she won't catch on to it, if she's not thinking the same thing herself. Talk to her about it, maybe you could take a break and come back. If you were really meant to be together that shouldn't be a problem.

 

If you stick it in the other girls ass, its not cheating...

 

I think you need to ask yourself three questions:

1. Why you've never acted on these impulses before
2. Why you're so curious to explore sex with other people
3. How would this other girl feel afterwards, considering she likes you

It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship right now and I would really advise you not to do anything to jeopardize that. Very few people are as lucky as you two are when it somes to relationships. Keep in mind how much you would hurt your girlfriend.

BUT... on the other hand...

You're going to be stuck wondering and this won't be healthy for your relationship. I know that in my own experience, exploring sex with more than one person is much healthier than constantly desiring something more.

When I was young and in a serious relationship with my ex-girlfriend, she insisted that I experiment sexually with other people if I wanted to, and I told her the same thing. We just agreed to talk about it. But I don't know how your girlfriend would react to this kind of thing.

The decision is up to you, but you have to consider the consequences.