How did you know you were ready to be a parent? I am not a parent myself, but curious to know what is included in that moment of knowing this is right, this is going to happen, I am happy this is happening at this moment of my life.... I was an accident, a happy accident, but still not planned. How did you know that it was time to plan or keep a child in your home?
Adrienne wasn't planned. And I think if I had everything right before I had another one, I'd never have another one.
I never wanted kids of my own until my husband convinced me that not everyone has a miserable childhood. There was no way I was going to be responsible for bringing someone into this world only to suffer through growing up. There were things I needed to do for me before taking on a family, like going back to school and finishing college was very important and marked a major milestone in my emotional maturity.
My son wasnt planned, but I didnt even have to think about anything when I found it his mom was pregnant. I was very excited and happy, she was nervous but happy as well. And I couldnt be happier He can be a lot at times especially being alone but most of the time it is non stop fun to have him. Except when we were both throwing up, that was not fun.
Although our first child was a "surprise" Bear (my partner) and I knew we wanted children. How? I was ready to give up childish things, and selfish ways I realized my dream of becoming a doctor would not mesh with the way I knew I had to parent. I gave up Medical School, as I knew that I could not raise children and be a good doctor at the same time. And I didn't want to start having children in my late 30s. (Although I know some doctors who are mamas and do well, my stamina is not what theirs is, and my expectations for myself as a parent are different than theirs are.) I did get an Master's Degree eventually, but it was not as intensive nor did it take me away from my family like Med School and Residency would have. I knew that my dh's dream of both of us being professional musicians was pretty much out of the question (I had pretty much realized this when I put my all into Pre Med and my Psych degree, but he had to realize this on his own.) I was ready to live my life for others, not myself. Not that I don't count, but I had to realize that IF I let children into my life, they would take precedence over everything else. Otherwise, IMO, there is no point to bringing more people into an already crowded world. I was able to find a career which meshed with the way I parent. Not one which took me away from my children for hours at a time. Not an easy thing to do, nor is it making me rich, but my children are benefitting. I was willing to choose a partner who KNEW that my raising children was the be all and end all of our "early" life together as a couple. A man who had "expected" me to "contribute" finacially, while still doing ALL the childcare, the housework, the medical care ect would have hit the curb hard. There is more than "love" when it come to choosing a partner to have a family with. Yes, LOVE is neccesary, but, HIS love for what children need and HIS understanding that a mother's requirements are different than a father's requirements are a must, at least the way I parent. Choosing a man who was willing to totally support a family was neccesary. A man who thought otherwise would not have worked. Because in these relationships Mama always ends up doing more and more and more and more.......
Mandred wasn't planned...and there was about a week of complete panic on my behalf after we found out. My husband and I had been married about a year and a half, but so much was still up in the air..for example, we were still living in Ohio, but had planned to raise our family in rural Canada. Like Mamaboogie, as I wasn't sure I even really wanted kids. I didn't have a good childhood, and as a result was worried about my parenting skills. I honestly thought that if I was going to be like parents the best thing for me to do was give the child up for adoption. I had faith in my husband's abilities as a father though, and knew that he wouldn't be afraid to stand up to me if I was out of line as a mother. I am a good mother. Much better than I would have been 10 years ago. By waiting I was able to go to school, do a lot of international traveling, sewed some wild oats and lived selfishly enough that I was ready to give it up. I also learnt a lot through life experiance. My life before was jam packed with people, places and things... so jam packed that I don't really feel like I am missing anything by living for my son. Sorry, that got rather long winded. Basically.... even if you are ready emotionally, mentally and physically, sometimes you don't realize it until you have to.
LOL, I knew it was the right time when the pregnancy test came up positive. My son was not planned at all, in fact I had only been with his father for about 3 months. I was so scared when I got the results, but he was the best surprise I'd ever had. His sister was kind of planned, I didn't take birth control for a month and got pregnant.
Good job. Everyone's path is a little different. You realized that maturing yourself was the main thing you needed to work on, THAT isn't selfish at all, it is imperitive to good parenting, or just being a good partner, and also good for self development. Icetea, maybe you needed to parent yourself before you were ready to give yourself to a child. I am glad your son is such a joy, now, for you. It breaks my heart that so many have had such sad childhoods, and were afraid to have children. I mean, if one doesn't want kids, I think that is cool, but when one's childhood was so awful, you are scared. I just wanna hug all of you. :grouphug:
Knowing that I was ready to become a parent was easy for me. Whenever I visited friends and family who had babies and young children, I always offered to feed them, change them, and hold them. I babysat tons growing up and would often pretend that the kids were mine while I was caring for them. I love kids and there comes a time when you just say to yourself, it's time I had one too. We tried to get pregnant for some time with no success, then it came. I was thrilled! I think as a woman you just know when the time has come, or if the time will never come. It's just in us.
I didn't know. Moire did. I'm certain of that. I was ready to start living like the stereotypical early20s person. But at the same time, I knew drugs and drinking heavily weren't my things. And the positive pregnancy test just solidified what I was feeling.
One day I just knew I'd have a baby by the time I was 21 (I was 19 at the time) So I got prepared, at least mentally. I gave up everything to try to see what it would be like to be completely selfless, and I loved it. That's when I knew I would love to be a mom and that I would be a great mother. To be completely selfless for something so beautiful as a brand new life.
well aiden was a happy accident and so is this baby in my belly. and well i knew that i was taking steps to being ready to be in a serious relationship with shane by giving up the party scene drugs and friends. then 6 months later i was pregnant and shane and i were together for 7 months. i knew i would be a wonderful mother the moment aiden was born and they hadnt even cleaned him up or nothing and i just held him and cried and kissed him. that was when i knew that i had to put my selfish and childish things away and be responsible to make sure that this precious gift would be a good childhood and know the good and bad in life and be raised to the best of my ability.
I was going to say that jgirl said, lol really, though, I always wanted to be a mom, and I always knew that I was going to be a young mom. Now that I am one, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. But having said that, I wish that I would have had the brain power before I was preggers to live life a little fuller while I had the chance. But at the same time, it's not like my life is over, and I still have plenty of time to do my "selfish" things when I'm an old fart. In the meantime, I love being a mom. I just kinda always knew I guess. Then one day I was pregnant. Now I'm hankerin bad to have another one....GRRRRRRRR! LOL
I don't have children yet, but the moment I had my abitur (like a highschool diploma, but with AP-Level courses) at age 20, I knew, that if I got pregnant from now on, I'd be mentally ready to raise a child. Kind of like a button that got pushed. I had the key to all other important stuff like uni, but other then school, uni can be done pretty good while raising children in germany. I am enjoying my life alone and the fun, and the eventual irresponsibility now, but I know what to do when I get pregnant. And then the responsibility for the baby will be priority #1.
None of my children were planned unless you include me removing my IUD whilst drunk one night. I never had sucessful relationships with the fathers but am sooo grateful that all three of my kids were sent to me to bring into this world, a privilege I will not forget. They are now 21; 17 and 13 respectively and are one of the reasons the world looks bright for me!
It's hard to explain, but it was just a kind of unspoken agreement between my husband and I. All it took was one time of not being careful (and of course we knew the risk in it, but did it anyway) and boom, we got pregnant with our oldest son. Weren't actually planning it, but weren't preventing it either. It was kind of a "if it happens, it happens, we're ready for it". And so it did... With our twins, well obviously we weren't expecting to get pregnant with twins, but we did agree we wanted to try for another baby when our oldest son was almost 3, so it was definitely planned. Took two cycles, found out we were having not one baby, but two.
