Gender neutral/Androgynous

I really believe that for me it is like having a split personality (which I don't think I have). I also know that I *realize* that I have a tendency to mentally put on someone else's face. For example, I can be my co-worker, or I can be my aunt. It sounds silly, but lately I have come to feel that maybe I don't have an identity at all (except for being a good husband and daddy). It's just weird, for me anyway, and I often feel sad for it, with thoughts of "I never found my identity" or "I'm going bald, now I will have a chance at looking like a real woman". I guess I'm just a mess, yet talking about going to counseling with my wife has only led her to say and think things like "you need to find out who you are" and "I feel like I am losing my husband". I guess, in a nutshell, I wish that I had an androgynous face and body because that's what seems to suit my personality best, and that I could just wake up on any particular day and be either a man or a woman. Hope I didn't confuse the hell out of anyone here.

 

Don't worry, this is a confusing topic and many of us have been through or seen similar situations. I can understand why you would want an androgynous body and face it's a frustrating not knowing who you are, I sometimes wish the same thing, so know that you're not alone. =)

It's very important that you recognize your identity as a good husband and daddy! Maybe it'll help to ask yourself questions (to get to know yourself better), if you don't know the answer write it down somewhere and come back to it later.

She may be scared. It might help to reasure her that going to counseling will help you find out who you are and that it is a perfectly healthy thing to do. I would recommend counselling not because I think you're a mess but because you need a little guidance. We all get lost once in a while.

Maybe this androgynous personality is apart of who you are, there are millions of possibilites waiting for you to find out. I wish you luck! =)

 

it also sounds like your wife is copng with this quite well, she didn't over react and send you out of the house, at least you didn't say she did, at least now you can explore whats going on with this and not keep secrets from her which is often a greater burden than feeling like you don't know yourself.

this space is open to everyone, have a look at the other threads in here see if any of them ring a bell for how you feel
S

 

oh and by the way, I am both male and female in mind and in looks 24/7, living proof that you can live as both!
S

 

Hahah, Sam your lucky!

 

It's not quite gender neutrality but lots of links to the subject of androgyny here:
http://androgyne.0catch.com/
The view many Native American cultures had of gender is interesting.
http://androgyne.0catch.com/2spiritx.htm

 

I'm a post op M to F, but unlike most TS's, I never really felt like I was a woman trapped in a mans body. I needed to have a female body, but be able to present as androgyne.

When I first started on hormones, I didn't really understand what I wanted. As the hormones started to work on my body though, I gradually began to see and feel the real me emerging. By the time I'd been referred for surgery, I was completely clear in my mind about what I wanted.

I think for me, it was necessary to instigate some change so that I could see a way forward.

 

could you explain a little more?
S

 

Erm......I'll try.

I was born male, but always felt at odds with having a male body. I was diagnosed as a primary transsexual because my feelings about myself went back as far as I could remember. Unlike most M2F's though, I didn't identify as female, how does any M2F really know what it feels like to be a woman for that matter. I identified as a female bodied androgyne trapped in a male body. It was therefore necessary for me to be treated as an M2F TS in order that I could live as an androgyne with an appropriate body.

 

if you could have a body that was neither sex/gender would you go for it?
S

 

No. I love having a female body. Everthing about my body and the way I see myself feels right now. My surgery was a complete success, and I'm lucky in that I enjoy a very satisfying sex life. Prior to surgery, that just wasn't possible.

 

however in mind what I be correct in saying that you feel ethier both male and female or neither?
S

 

I can't really answer that because I don't know what any of them are supposed to feel like. I have no frame of reference. Is all I can say is "I feel like me." Prior to surgery I didn't really feel like anything at all. I was just an awkward dysfunctional nothing. Now though, I feel like me. I know that's probably not really that helpful an answer, but it's the best I can do I'm afraid.

 

I think thats a really great answer, you are quite a role model
S

 

Hello. First of all, I wanna say how content I am that I found this place. I was looking all over for informations and people discussing this subject.

I'm a teenager and female, but I can't accept this sex as being descriptive for me at all. I never say what gender I am, for example in posting on a board or alike. I'd like to pretend I'm a man, I have issues concerning women (don't like them and don't want to be considered one of its members). However I don't feel the need to change my body either way because I feel that me is ME, and Me isn't female, nor (because i was born female) obviously not a man. I feel good with ME how I am, but simply don't like women because I see them as weak and not ok in my standards.
Even though ME is me, not belonging to any gender, I dress in a masculine way. So that would make me androgynus, even though I wear make up. I regulary end up discussing (even arguing) my ideas with different people who cannot understand what I'm saying and want to make me agree with them.

 

i feel ya. samhain has recently been helping me come to terms with my female nature. i've never really held a high opinion of women, either, mainly because the ones around me have never really been anyone i want to emulate. i've frequently flet betrayed by my physical essence. i'm overwhelmingly female in appearance. it's annoying. i'm like a charicature of female. it takes time to be okay with who and what you are inside. i've found, eventually, that we all seem to be on a sliding scale, and we have to find comfort in our unique position on that scale, despite how other people will want to move us about.

 

Hey Casey (hope I got the name right)

At the moment I don't think I could come to terms with my female nature. I can't see even the slightest possibility of that to happen. But who knows, maybe I'm too young. I really don't want to come off as a narrow-minded person with this idea stuck in the head as a whim/trifle.

Thank you for the fast reply and support