So it's that time of year again. The Turner Prize winner has just been announced, and once again I'm groaning. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6205970.stm I've contemplated taking a shit on the floor of the Tate to see if it wins the prize. The Turner Prize... Is this art?
It's art if the creator declares it so. You can chose to ignore them or gaze and discuss or prevaricate. Giving prizes for art I've always found pretentious anyway, fine for school maybe, a bit of encouragement never hurt, but not in the big bad world.
It wouldn't win, and I can tell you why. "Last year's winner was Simon Starling, who dismantled a shed, made it into a boat, then turned it back into a shed again." The Turner Prize is no longer about the merit of art or the ability of the entrants. It's about doing the craziest shit you possibly can in the name of art. Your idea has potential, but it lacks imagination. This year's winner got extra marks for reverting to paint and canvas, which is a relatively unpredictable move when everyone around her was tying cows to the roof and saying "wibble". The video artist Phil Collins actually changed his name to Phil Collins as part of his piece, a sub-contextual tangent called "People From Chiswick" in which he was assisted by his wife Gladys Cooper and his parents, Mr Pete Townshend and Mrs Kevin Gallen. How can defecating on a floor compare with such zaniness? To this end, I suggest the following changes to your piece: you must wear a wetsuit, complete with scuba mask and breathing gear instead of taking a shit directly on the floor, have a midget dressed as a barman put a napkin down for each nugget, and have him recite the lost scripts of Cheers in Latin. Backwards. construct an elevator system from twigs and bubblegum, and invite viewers to ride the escalator and "take a whiff from the glass" work as a missionary for two months, but wear a replica Star Trek uniform (original series). Whenever anyone questions you about it, inform them that the engines canna tek it anymore. Then burp loudly. you know those machines you get at the arcades where they have little models of racing horses that actually race each other, and you have to put your coin into the slot assigned to your chosen racer to place a bet? Get one of those, but replace all the horse models with photographs of the front of Comet stores. Make sure the photos have the old store sign (white writing with red background), as this is the only true Comet logo, and anyone who says otherwise is a liar. Every time the Comet store fronts race, no matter which one wins, jump in the air and scream "SNURTLES IS THE WINNER!" I walk Cromples in your front ear Have a fully working mock-up of the old conveyor belt/memory test game from The Generation Game made. Every prize must be a different amount of hams or pickled gherkins (for the vegetarian participants) Finally, you'll need a good name. I hereby name this exhibit A SYMBOLIC AND METAPHORICAL INTERPRETATION OF A DAY AT PONTEFRACT LIBRARY, by Power Horatio Thirteen and Peace-Phoenix.
That was fantastic Power, especially the bit about walking Cromples and front ears... whatever that means!!
I think it's a little too easy to groan and simply say "this isn't art" or "anyone could do that". I have a lot of time for conceptual art and the ability of such ideas to provoke complex inferences - as good a definition of art as I can think of. Power 13 (somewhat spectacularly) hit the nail on the head. If Sal had done a shit in an art gallery 75 years ago it would've been genuinely innovative and groundbreaking. I definitely would've gone to see it. But now, you think "meh, another shit, seen it before, bought the oven gloves". Conceptual art has been the primary establishment mode of artistic endeavour for quite a few decades now, and it's become a decadent art form. No longer are we satisfied with piles of bricks or simple poos, oh no, as Power pointed out the ideas need to be complex with lots of rococo patterning and twists and turns. The central ideas have all been done, and all that's left is elaboration. While I will stick up for conceptual art, I think it may have run its course. Since it is the big money mainstream, I wonder what is going on at the edges that I haven't yet heard about which is genuinely innovative and original, and not just another decadent take on the standard format. What is the next breakthrough, who will critics look back on from our time and say "those were the true innovators"?
Another thing I was told at college by an art student is that nearly anything can be art if you can justify it. In fact, I remember betting Josie that I could come up with an artistic interpretation for any crazy shit he could think up...the only one I can remember is him coming up with the idea of a picture of Jesus on the cross, but the cross was made of two girders and the background was all industrial, and I came up with the idea of it being symbolic of our spiritual selves being sacrificed for...um...I forget. With this in mind, you probably could win the Turner Prize with the floordump, as long as it was justified in a way. Off the top of my head... Taking a shit on the floor of the chamber symbolises the public's general disdain for the Turner Prize nowadays. Correct me if I'm wrong Sal, but the idea isn't all that new...people have been saying "I bet taking a shit on the floor would win" for a while, but you'd be the first to actually do something like that (once again, correct me if I'm wrong). Creating a piece and then presenting it is one thing, but actually taking your pants down and straining a whiffy one out in front of critics and fans is something quite different...it's practically a performance art. You could claim that onc you inevitably win the Turner Prize (symbolising the public's belief that these people are up themselves), it would be a self-perpetuating piece of art. You were taking a shit on the floor to symbolise the public's belief that taking a shit on the floor would be a prize-worthy entry, and indeed this symbolic gesture was proven to be correct. You could also be challenging the public. Once this piece wins, they wouldn't be able to say "I wonder if taking a shit on the floor would win it" anymore. You'd be forcing the public to come up with an even more grotesque example of a crazy thing that could win the Turner Prize in their eyes...which would, of course, perfectly set you up with inspiration for your winning piece next year.
