Not sure what to do?

He all I am not sure what I should do on Thanksgiving eve I received a phone call from my cousin who I have not spoke to in years. He has spent most of his life as a menace to society he has been in proison more then he has been out. Well he says he has cleaned up his act completely, has a good job, his own place, found religion, and misses his family since both of his parents are gone. Being the person I am I welcome family with open arms when they need me without caution that is just me. But I am being told by all of my elder family memebers that I should be very cautious that him and his siblings have always been worthless. I have talked to him several times on the phone since then and he seems to have really cleaned up his act and has his life together from what he says. Over the phone we get along great that doesn't say in person we would . I just want to know should I give him a chance fully or proceed with caution? Just thought you all could give your input and advice.

 

Kinda late, sorry. I'd say, invite him, but remove ALL the drugs from the house, and all the money, including spare change on dressers ect. My dh had a freind like this, and he tried to steal medication and money from us.

Either buy a safe, and make sure he doesn't know where it is, or just take enough out of each medicine bottle for the day until the next, and put all the medicine and money into a safety deposit box at the bank.

 

Thanks Maggie Sugar. I think that is what I will do. I want to give him a chance to have contact with us. He seems so different on the phone then he use to be. I just hope I don't get screwed over in the end. That would really hurt.

 

i think you should arrange to meet him first on neutral ground before inviting him in to your home. i know you shouldnt judge people on face value or by what they are wearing etc but by meeting him first you will be able to tell whether he really has got his act together. you'll beable to ask questions of how he is now & you'll beable to tell if he is lying or not, that way you can get a feel for him.

if you were to invite him straight into your home & you find out he is not what he says he has become you may feel a little uneasy about the situation. i would still do what maggie says tho with regards to the money & drugs.

 

Thanks Torz. I agree I though about taking a day trip down to where he lives to see him but I am not sure about that either. See he lives 3 hours away and I don't know if I want to drive that far for just a day. May be I will wait and visit the next time I go see my Aunt in Arkansas that way I have an out if i find out he wasn't fully honest with me.

 

I think that is what I will do is go see him. However there is a new problem my husband. He seems all pissed of because I am talking to my cousin. Now I know he has family memebers that have the same problems ad Lane my cousin had in the past and has supposedly left behind. But just because his family constantly stays screwed up yet shpuld he try and cut throat Lane and my conatct with each other he is being a hateful jackass over the whole thing talking down to me. He got all pissed off when I sent Lane the pictures he asked for and a letter and because we had already talked on the phone several times in the last week? I just don't understand what the hubby's issue is. He doesn't get all bet out of shape when his cousin writes us from prision and I write back after he has read the letter and I sent pictures to him. I don't know what to do you guys.

 

People CAN change, but no one in MY family has, sadly.

As for your husband, he has a right to be worried, from his personal experience, people don't change easily. And it's easy for people to CLAIM to have changed, or to clean up their act for a little while, only to go back to their old lifestyle.

If you welcome this guy back into your life, what will you do if he reverts back to his old self?

A lot of former convicts, alcoholics, druggies/etc clean up their life and find something lacking.. they have no family who wants them. I'd give him a chance, but don't treat him like a normal, close relative. Keep him at a distance until he proves himself.

If my mom would contact me and prove she was clean and all that, I'd give her a chance.

 

Thanks you all for the advice. Lane and I have talk several time and a s suggested I am going to visit for the day in his element. My cousin Amanda has agreed to go with me. I have talked to the hubby and he is now showing support and he said his lack of support was do to what family has said and never being around Lane now he says he will be a part of me ecepting Lane back with an open mind but a cautious heart. He has also decided that he would like to help his cousin Mike when he gets out of prosion to try and clean up his act. But he says if Mike can't then at least he can say he tried to help and then leave Mike on his own. May the hubby is trying to soften his heart a little but not fully. I will keep you posted. Oh Lane did tell me he has hep C so he has to make a lot more changes in his life to help himself. He found out last week and called to talk about it but asking for nothing because of it other then to tlk to me.

 

Ok quick update Lane and I have been talking on a regular basis he wants to see us all really bad. He is taking a bus in around the 5 of January he will be staying with another cousin. Which is good. We agreed to spend most of the time together while he is here I will take him to see one part of the family she will take him to shee the other. The three of us will got out for a night on the town on that friday. We are all looking forward to seeing him. Amanda was just more comfortable with letting him stay with her then me I wanted to visit him in his own enviroment first like you all had suggested. I will let you all know how in goes.