The pub was full to brimming. Full of hard faced nothern lads with sleek oily hair and and no manners. They didnt need manners they had a hard life. What would you need to say "excuse me" for down a pit or in a factory, no-one would hear you over the noise so it just became a habit not to say it. The pub roar filled the air like the factory, you could hear it 30 or 40 yards away and everytime the door opened it got louder and died away. Johnny could smell the beer all the way up the road and was drawn to it like a thirsty beer creature. Once inside there were conversation and laughter enough. It had been light when Johnny first entered but time went quick as did the beer. It were alfpast nine when it all happened - the pub door opened an a couple of blokes walked in that looked odd, ya know a bit funny, all queer like. Anyhow the whole pub goes dead quiet and it were all eyes on them two fellas. Suddenly they undid their long trenchcoats and they were wearing ladies underwear underneath. Anyhow they start singing all puffy like and then one of em sits on Basher Briggses lap and the other sings happy birthday and gives him a wet kiss. Well the whole pub roared with laughter - and he was all like "you bastards - ha ha ha " anyway it were a right laugh and he handled it well not like when he snapped a bloke in half for looking at him funny that one time Well the homograms went home and at 11:30 so did most of the pub. They were walking up the road and Johnny said to briggs "You get a good pint of ale there dont ya!". He said "ay an t' ginger beers not bad either, is it" no were not are we said Johnny. Ooh They had a laugh and later, discussed the batties at some length then they engaged in anal sex and decided to become male strippers themselves
If you can write a whole anthology of this theme you can head them under the title 'The Cottage Collection'.
