Actual epitaphs from real tombstones: In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery: Anna Wallace The children of Israel wanted bread And the Lord sent them manna, Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna. Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery: Here lies Johnny Yeast Pardon me For not rising. Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery: Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake Stepped on the gas Instead of the brake. Anonymous in Stowe, Vermont: I was somebody. Who, is no business Of yours. In a Georgia cemetery: "I told you I was sick!" Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery, Richmond, Virginia: She always said her feet were killing her but nobody believed her. Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont: Here lies the body of our Anna Done to death by a banana It wasn't the fruit that laid her low But the skin of the thing that made her go. Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York: Born 1903--Died 1942 Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was. In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery: Here lies an Atheist All dressed up And no place to go. And, Dr. Fred Roberts, Brookland, Arkansas: Office upstairs
