Loneliness is a shit from god's anus

Especially if its all you've known for the twenty years you've been alive. I'm a sophomore in college. Also a virgin. Also never been in a relationship, ever. I'm starting to have this paranoid belief that I exist to be tortured for the amusement of some asshole diety or something. Seriously, I've been very shy my whole life but lately I've been trying really hard to poke my head out of my shell. Pretty much all I can think about is women, and not just sex. Matter of fact, nothing sounds greater than the thought of just sitting up next to a nice girl and putting my arm around her and enjoying the togetherness.

As it is, I get nothing. My life has been one disappointment after the next, me fooling myself into believing that I'd finally found a girl who is interested in me only for either me to be too afraid to make anything happen or for the girl to just suddenly stop talking to me before I even have a chance to fuck anything up. Acutally neither has happened for a couple months, I've just kind of been floating around not getting so much as reciprocated eye contact from any girl as I pass them on the street. There are a lot of failures that I can only trace to myself being too scared to make something happen, but there are also plenty where I couldn't see where I did anything wrong. Near the beginning of this year a girl who lives on my dorm floor initiated conversation with me and we agreed to hang out and stuff. . . then about a week later she decided she wasn't interested in a relationship with anybody just out of the blue and stopped talking to me. This kind of shit happens to me every fucking time.

I've been told I'm an attractive guy by a lot of girls (or rather guys who the girls told this to for the most part, but some girls made it pretty clear themselves). A lot of difference that makes. It seems that almost no girls will have any interest in you if you aren't completely confident in yourself. And I try to force myself to talk to girls and stuff, but almost every time i do the girl I'm talking to is disintersted or (more often) already with a guy (or if neither is the case I inevitably come off as a retarded child). This is the most fucking frustrating thing I"ve ever dealt with. something is always bound to go wrong, if I don't fuck it up myself then nature intervenes and fucks it up for me. I feel fucking pathetic when everyone else, including my best friends who had the same shyness problems earlier in life but have gotten over them, is in and out of relationships and takes members of the opposite sex for granted. I was in a very severe depression earlier this year after one too many failures, and a few more seem to have caused it to mutate into indiscriminate hatred. I feel myself getting angry at every couple I see walking down the street or anywhere else. I get angry at the world for being granted access to something I'm not allowed to have. I think I'm breaking down. Its too much to handle. Every time I try I get shit on. People tell me positive bullshit like "things will change," "youl'l eventually find a girl you like," all the same shit that doesn't mean anything. I feel like the laws of nature were set up in such a way as to make it physically impossible for me to have access to that most important thing that everyone else takes for granted. I'm twenty years old for fucks sake. I'm in college. Theres loads of women everywhere I go, but I have no luck.

I'm also getting very afraid of what this is doing to me. My mind has started doing seriously weird things, which I guess shouldn't surprise me considering I've been running into this mental wall repeatedly my whole life. Weird perceptions, I think they would be classified as psychosis. . . kind of like tripping except not pleasant. They're slowly getting more powerful with each day of depression and anger and I'ts really got me worried.

But anyway, who really gives a piss? Nobody, I think thats the worst part. When any girl I talk to knows that I'm very lonely and they could easily do something about it, but there's also so many other guys out there that aren't socially a mess like I am, thats what they choose. I can't blame them, I can't expect somebody to pick me in order to help me when there are a million guys without my severe social problems that they're more interested in. They'll say "have you found a girlfriend yet?"
"no"
"oh. . ."
then continue to see their confident athletic dream guy who takes her for granted. I have no right to hold that against them, but it still hurts like hell.

 

yeah lonliness is a bitch

 

Dude you need to focus on yourself.
You are giving far to much power away in believing that a relationship will make you happy. Work on being a whole being, in finding happiness in yourself.
I'd say these girls are picking up on these disturbed vibes you're having. (people are intuitive, no matter if they are aware of it or not).
If you started a relationship in this state, you would end up co-dependent and more misreable than before.
You think the universe is working against you... my friend the world knows better than you do what is good for you. You are not in a healthy state and could not give or recieve love fully if you were to begin a relationship.
I've been in a similar state before. And I know when I heard advice like this I thought it was utter bullshit. But untill you start valuing yourself as a whole, complete being, no-one else will.
You want a girl but all they're getting is this "I'm worthless" vibe so of course they cut off.
My advice to you is to be you. Start doing the things that make you feel better. If there is something you want to try, do it. Get outside, get grounded in nature and out of your headspace. Meditation is also very benificial if you are beginning to develop psychotic, mental issues.
You might not be ready to do these things but hang in there, you feel so alone because you are trapped in your head... Nothing else! and what is happening externally is a manifestation of that. So love yourself, so that others can too.

 

God eats coal and shits diamonds. Why do you like loneliness so much?

 

laws of nature were set up in such a way as to make it physically impossible for me to have access to that most important thing that everyone else takes for granted.
^thats what i said!
ive never been in a relationship either
but i have a more of a guys i dont want want me problem
and the guy i AM into is tooken er not interested
it truly does suck.
i get annoyed by happy couples too hah
ther everywhere.
oh n not every girl is attracted to confidence
i personaly think shy guys r pretty damn cute

 

ONly when it is nuggets.

 

Yup...Loneliness Sux Bigtime...

 

I love seeing people congregate to talk about how lonely they are.
But yes, I agree.

 

Loneliness sucks? Could I play devil's advocate? I got in my first relationship EVER a year and a half ago. At first, I was exactly like you: EXACTLY. I though to myself: I've never had a girl even remotely interested in me- this sucks! My brooding knew no limits- I hated couples so much, I couldn't look at them. I was convinced I'd never get any. I was so absolutely obsessed in the begining when I DID meet my gf, I wanted to marry her. Gradually, I saw the differences in us, you know: The big differences. After a while you realize you have no freedom. A Simple example? She calls EVERY night to say goodnight. At what time? Oh, anywhere from 10 to 12:30. Therefore, having a girlfriend automatically means you can't do much at night, unless she's very understanding. Furthermore, WHY WOULD YOU CARE IF YOU COULD DO ANYTHING AT NIGHT? BEING A STUDENT, I RARELY SEE HER AND THEREFORE MUST GIVE HER EVERY GOD DAMNED SATURDAY- And some Fridays too. The last time I saw a friend from noon untill anywhere past 5- that happened nearly a year ago! (You could say I have sundays free but sundays are garabage, plus i see her often sunday as well)
That feeling of you vs the world? I say it's not all THAT bad. Try to find a girl, which you will. I mean, you seem articulate enough to express a coherent stream of thought, so I'd say you'd have no problem finding a girl, being that you're not retarded or anything. But I swear one day you will miss the black void of not knowing, because for this time in your life, you have a freedom you won't see again if you get a gf for a long time.

 

If you're so pissed about not being able to do anything, dump your girlfriend, CW. You make it sound like you hate her for missing you.

 

You're right... I'm kind of like an ungreatful asshole- i wrote that rant last night after getting in a fight, so It's not really valid and it just makes me look liek a jerk

 

Yea. You should by her a flower "Just because" but know in the back of your mind that it was because of that post.

 

I don't like flowers. I like cactuses and turtles. She cannot take care of a turtle at the moment, and has no place in her heart for the lowly cactus. Hmmm... maybe I'll get her some marshmellows. Well, w/e: You're right. I hold a rant of that calibur heavy on my conscience, so I should get her SOMETHING.

 

So CW you hate people in realtionships and envy them, and now you hate being in a relation ship?

If god shit loneliness, you must be the turd.

 

Yea.
Maybe marshmallows would be great.
Most girls I know dig marshmallows.

 

It's funny, I have an open relationship at the moment. But I'm still unfulfilled. I interacted with the most adorable Filipino girl yesterday, and shit was I infatuated...


Trouble is, I go back and forth between infatuation and feeling stifled when a woman actually shows interest in me. I guess I wish women showed real interest more outwardly without you having to be in a freaking relationship to do it. Women suck...