This is a true story My friend Martin E henceforth known by his nickname martini, was born in october 65 at midnight on march 4th at half past 3 I first met him when we attended St Dragon primary school together on top of Georges hill near The Oscar Wilde School for Drama Queens in Bury St Edmunds (Bury is not renowned for its actors)it was 1970 and we were both aged 10, at least harry was because an hour later I was 11. The two of us would would run wild across the lawns and jump hedges as we wended our way to school. sometimes we would forget where we were going and end up in the local cafe where a gang of hells angels adopted us as mascots and glued us to the handle bars of their motorcycles. Ruffarry the leader of them was a kind and good but fearsome man who was pure evil, and sometimes he would leap off his motorbike with me glued to the handlebars as it careered over the side of precipice. Martini didnt fare much better one time Basher Hawkins the second in command of the hells angels made martini road ski behind his bike at 70 miles an hour using only a dustbin lid beneath his feet as a ski board we loved it - but looking back on things it may be why we turned out to be a bit crazy later on. Anyway one day we found ourseves at the cafe where ruffarry and basher were doing a coupla lines of whizz off a mirror, we walked in - our school uniforms still unruffled short trousers still unsoiled. A couple of the ladies they hung out with were all over them AAAWWWWWright BOIZ sez arry yeah wright arry sez I wozzup then lost or summat - wanna go ski-ing - nah harry I sez - I come to kill ya arry starts laughing like its a joke but Martini gets mad and the squeky ten year old voice squeeks out "harry weve had enuff of being glued to your andlebars ya hear - from now on ya leave us alone or we take over this place" At this point I pulled out a plastic water gun and squirted ruffarry with some cats piss. Which didnt have the calming effect I hoped it would. meanwhile Basher grabs hold of martini flicks open a tube of superglue squirts the ceiling with it and throws Martini with one hand up to the cieling. Martini was glued there for four days till the fire brigade managed to prize him off. I still had my legs encased in an oil drum full of concrete and was watching as harry fell from the cieling. Three days later when all the fuss had died down I said to Martini "did it hurt when you fell from the ceiling" Nah he said I was more shaken than stirred we were already planning on how to piss them off the next time, as we were hooked thrillseekers by then !!!!
I like trips down memory lane. I also like trips down Coldharbor Lane. When I was in school I sat at the back of the class and picked my nose through all my lessons. I used to stick my boogers underneath the desk and within a year I had made a 3D mucus colored collage of Mao Tse Tung.
I was reminded of the story above when I was mooching about in the attic of my moms house and happened upon my old kavlar body armour which I used to wear in those days. full body armour suits were a necessity - we lived in a rough area of Cambridge right next to Kings college - where all the hells angels hang out even to this day - I occasionaly see ruffary but he's a town councilor now and a member of the conservative party, however his son, Mad Bollocks Bill rides a harley davidson with a skull and cross bones on it - the skull belongs to the Labour member for Cambridge East. ahhhh..... On one occassion when I was 12 years old I had been sellotaped to the back mudguard of Killer Briggs's chopper (his motorbike ... er not the other kind of chopper) and we were doing a 120 up the M4. I think we were on our way to Glastonbury where they were going to use me and martini as a couple of tent pegs. I was in my full body armour as at the time it was the first time I had ever been 12 and I missed a lot of school so I thought it was normal. well anyway we were doing a 120 up the M4 when all of a sudden Ruffarry doing about 175Mph zooms past - pulls out a gun and blasted briggs with it who caught the bullet in his teeth - thats how mad these guys were!!! Well all I can remember is that face briggs made at me - he looked like a big mexican bandit with a big mustache and - he was smiling at me with a bullet between his different coloured teeth. He only needed a blue one and we could have played billiards with them. Anyway After that I remember Me and martini were at Glastonbury festival where we had been made to wear a bucket on our heads so they could use a sledgehammer to bury us waiste deep and then the guy ropes for the tent had been placed around us - fantastic time we had ! couldnt have been better - Ruffarry and his mates kidnapped Bob Dylan at gunpoint and made him sing for 3 days non stop - but he wasnt allowed to smoke as these were hells angels against tobacco - one time Dylan lit up a cigar and ruffarry cught him and made him smoke 20 of them one after another till he was sick - apparently dylan never smoked another cigar again but the experience left him with a nervous twitch that made him look like the hunchback of notre dame for a few minutes every hour - which is why his career sucked after that (or was it meatloaf he looked like - the two look similar) This is meatloaf and This is the hunchback of notre dame Ah heady days !
