... always get in the way of the relationships you try to have afterward? I have more or less moved on (he is in a self-centered emotic phase and in love with someone else to boot) ... but I still care about him and love the boy he once was, and find myself involuntarily thinking about him when I am with someone else. (Not necessarily comparing, because the other person often wins, but just thinking ...) It seems I felt a kind of emotional chemistry with him that I just cannot find with other people. (I mean, seriously. Our heart rates and respiration would synchronize whenever we were near or held each other. Where else could I find that?) So ... will I get over it? How can I keep from feeling down in the meantime? Should I keep trying, or just learn to settle?
Well my first love will be my last love, I think. Even if, hypothetically, I fell in love with someone else after Nick I know I would never love them AS MUCH as him... nor AS TRULY. Maybe it's just me, but... you know what, I think it's the same for everyone. And I don't mean first love as in... the first person you were in love with, but the first person you were REALLY in love with.
So how do you define "REALLY in love" vs. "in love"? When I was 15, I thought I was really in love with the guy who I gave my virginity to. We broke up, and I dated but didn't fall in love again for a while. Then, when I was 18, I fell in love again, and thought not only that I was really in love, but that it was so much more deep and mature than what I had experienced at 15. Now, looking back on that, especially in comparison to my current relationship, the real love I felt when I was 18-19 looks more like silly puppy love infatuation. Because now I'm really really really in mature adult love. Yes, you will get over this guy and move on. The ex will always be a factor in your life because your experiences with him are a part of you, and have helped to make you into the person you are today. I bet there are things you did with him that you'd like to experience with any serious boyfriend, but that there are also things that you don't want to repeat, things that you both could have handled better in arguments, etc. As long as this is an obstacle rather than a learning experience, I'd say you're not entirely over him.
I thought I was in love like 50 times before Nick... and now I realize I was just infatuated... or obsessed...
Sunny, I hate to say it, but if you really are over him, you will not feel this way for long...if this keeps up, you still have feelings for him. I have no doubt in my mind that the feelings I have for the woman I love could never compare to those of anyone else, including my first love. I will always care about my first love, but I truly have moved on and found happiness with a wonderful, beautiful, sweet and loving woman, who I absolutely adore...
Okay, I had a feeling this discussion would cause everyone to call into question the merit of my "love." Let me just say that this was real love. Mature love. Not a crush, infatuation, or obsession. (Don't let my age fool you, I'm an old soul and was capable of feeling actual love. He wasn't, but I was.) Anyway. Now that we have established that ... I guess I'm not really "OVER" it. I still think about him sometimes. We cared about one another a great deal and sometimes I wonder (casually, not sadly) if I will ever find someone whose heart can fall into sync with mine. So I guess I can actually answer my own question.
Yes, you will. The point of my response above was not to question the quality of your love for this guy (though it does sound that way, re-reading it!), but more to question the idea that if you get over it then it must not have been real love, because if it's really real love then you'll never find it again... That's crap. It will take time, and will probably start to feel like it'll never happen again, but then you'll find someone and it will feel like the best feeling you've ever felt, even greater than what you felt with the now ex. That doesn't necessarily discount the quality of the love you felt in the past, it just means that the new relationship is so amazing that a memory just can't compare... And you will bring lessons you learned from previous relationships into your new relationships, so in the sense of learning from your mistakes, learning to communicate more clearly, etc., the new relationship will seem better in some ways, as you won't stumble over the same hurdles early on, but that still doesn't discount what you felt/feel for your recent ex. But just because you were really truly in love with this guy doesn't mean you'll never find anyone who can compare or whose heart can fall into sync with yours.
I've pretty much been a cut-and-run type of person. Once we're broken up, I'm pretty much done with the "love" part. Maybe I'm just not sentimental...I don't know. Although, one of my ex's it took me a long time to get over...maybe that was real love? I don't know. I will always love him, but will never be "in love" with him again because my heart just won't allow it. Maybe the "love" and the "in love" is the difference?
My ex fiance used to get in my head and in my life again a lot. As soon as I allowed myself to be single and not jump into yet another relationship I was finally able to grieve over falling out of love with him. I think your first love always holds a special place in your heart but they're not the same person they once were. I always seem to grow out of my relationships after a couple years, people just change so fast and the past 5 years have been a huge growing experience for me that have made me realize i no longer need somone to take care of me. So I guess I am in love still for the person I used to be but when faced with the reality I can't develop a realtionship with him. God my life would be easier if I could!
Well, I am not getting the hearts in sync part. You say that as to imply you are meant to be with him? He was not feeling the same thing and has moved on. That is difficult to get past at first especially if you are not the type that just draws in new loves easily. You may not be feeling that "connection" with the new guy but really hardly no time has passed. I know it is not about your age but you are too young to have even had too long of a relationship. I believe real love delevops over years of getting to know the others bad points and how much they can be trusted. You may not have that immediate "infatuation" with your new one but more will come along. Synchronized organs are not nearly as important as loyality, trust, continued desire and so much more that will take so many years to figure out about a person. Just my take. Good luck to you.
Maybe it's just me, but... you know what, I think it's the same for everyone. And I don't mean first love as in... the first person you were in love with, but the first person you were REALLY in love with.[/QUOTE] That is so true. You can think that you are love many times. Then, all of those past loves you can see don't even come close to what love really is.
Dear Sun Of course you will keep remembering him, know a story of a man kept remembering his first love till he dies, so what ? You were younger, even the things were newer then, and maybe that's why it had special meaning regardless of the person you did / felt it with. but if you remember the reasons why you broke it, will also help to appreciate the realtion you have now (hopefully), or even being alone. Come oooooon, every person had that, and every one thought that first love is the one love that no body had before, go on with your life, if you are alone then get to know some body else, in good relation then try to maintain it. and it is not shame at all to remember your first love, it is just normal. That chemistry/attraction i know it was there, but it could be becuse of some naughty hormons in young age, or because it was the first time, understanding issues you will find many who will understand even more than him, Care also is a 2 ways street, and if you were his first love then it is clear, still you might very well find a person who cares about you even more than him, but it might require that you care about the new one as well. You are still so young, just do not close your heart on that memory only - keep it open Sunny. Best of luck PS. Of course the wise questions should have been, how long did you knew each other, at what age did you start , is he still around your area now (school ..etc), why & how did you break up ? ..etc.
Dear Sunny - Hello 1. How old were you both when you started first love. 2. How long it lasted. 3. When did you finish it. 4. Why did you finish it. 5. Who was the one who ended it. 6. How long he had his new relationship ? 7. Did he had more than one girl since you broke together. 8. Is he still in the surroundings ? (school ...etc). 9. Does he give any signals since you broke with each other ? Till you answer that, you should NOT feel down, it is plain stupid, to feel down because of some person while he/she enjoying themselves. And after all for the sake of your current relation, or for the previous, or for the coming, or even for your self, do not feel down, most of people do not like to be with the Down-people, neither the haapy one, nor the sad one wants to be in a company of down-person. If you want to win in that area regardless of the other person, you should make your self fresh, looking attractive ...etc. Lastly, it is very normal to remember your first love now, and after 50 years of now also - very normal. bye
One thing Aqua lady: You sure are a very pretty lady - just checked your home page PS. i adore sea water when it looks like that.
