Why is that as soon as you think a friendship is unbreakable...

You both unconsciously do everything you possibly can to break it?

Are we testing this new found confidence that our frienships will last forever and survive everything that's thrown at it..?

It's certainly good to know that we don't have to worry what mood we're in when we meet up, and that there always seems to be a smile ready for us both after even the most horrible of tempers...

But the very thing that makes us so sure we're not REALLY hurting one another is the thing that slowly eats away at the confidence, until, well, it stops being a friendship anymore, but an immunity from each other...


Any thoughts?

 

I don't know that any friendship is unbreakable, some just take more work than others.

 

There are some friendships that last longer than others. I think it has something to do with total acceptance of friends. And choosing the 'right' friends to begin with.

 

Depends on what kind of friendship. I always thought that friendships were relationships that no amount of tinkering with could break. If you're still friends after all that, take it that it'll last. Its been tested to the max. Sorta like romances that turn into marriages.

 

But it's only since I've, and maybe she has realised, that we have something that no amount of tinkering will break, that it's being tested..

Is it like a car that's just come back from the garage? Taking it out onto the open road making SURE that everything is in working order?

.....


Anyway, I really do believe I am in a friendship that has survived so much of life's traumas to withstand what she now throws at it.. But I can't actually understand why she is needing to fight just to make sure that I'll still be here, even if it's on my knees, when we're calm again..

My own analagy was of a cat that kills a mouse even though it doesn't need to eat it... Simply to keep it's skills well-oiled..

.....


And how the Hell do I ask her to stop or tell her that she doesn't need to test the strength of our bond? Because that's a friction that implies I don't know her as well as she thinks I do! Also, perhaps the calmness of realising that we have something special is just plain boring.. So now she hurts, and finds pleasure in poking her finger in the wound to remind me that's she there, and that before the wound, I felt nothing...

 

If you can continue with the heat, keep trying talk, gentleness, and (the god's help us - the hardest) patience. If you've had enough massive tinkering, hurt, and don't want to spend the rest of your life figuring out what's wrong, maybe a selfish move away from the source of the frustration is wiser. Sometimes the hurt of parting restores common sense! You're not getting any younger, you know. This may be decision time. As "W" would say, you're the decider! Keep us informed. All us thirty somethings face the same decision sooner or later. AAaahhh!

 

That's just fucked up.

Everybody should have friends they know are for life.

 

But you don't.. Often it takes years before you realise just how strong a friendship really is.. And maybe the secret of a life-long friendship is NOT to hope or expect them to last forever, but just to always be there during the good and the bad..

Of course, it never works out like that.. And I actually now consider it a little selfish to have the thought "Well, at least i know I can rely on ...... in times of trouble".

We are programmed to want things to last forever.. We are conditioned to become attached to the things we love and to think about them constantly.. And I think for most of us, friendships become almost like a possession.. And that's why we do with them as we please..

And Fastwitch, I WILL let you know how things turn out!

 

I think that maybe when a relationship is unbalanced, that's when it becomes so much more fragile.

It's not necessarily selfish to know that you can rely on someone else in times of trouble, but it selfish to rely on them and not allow them to rely on you. I don't quite know how to put this into words, but I think the trust levels should be about the same for a friendship to really work.

 

I think it depends on how you are as friends. There are times that we tend to be too confident that it won't break, but because of protecting it much, we are actually unconsciously breaking it already. If we protect it that much, we tend to set standards on our friendship.

But if we just let our friendship flow, no expectations, no standards of how good is a friend, but just being who we are to our friends, the friendship stays long. Also, if there are misunderstandings, talk about it first before judging each other.

Friendship will break if you let it happen.



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There is no relationship that is unbreakable, it just depends on each individuals breaking point.