Hey, I just signed up because I have some questions. I hope this is the right site to be on to ask. Okay so I have a long story. I'm a young guy, only 18. I've only been with two guys in my entire life. My first experience was when I was about 14. Then I didn't have another until I was 17. The last time was with a guy from school. Afterwards he ended up liking me and wanted to be with me. I politely told him I wasn't into guys like that. I don't think I am. I can't picture myself holding hands or serenading a guy like I would with a girl. Him and I had one more experience and then he wouldn't answer any of my calls, blah, blah, blah the usual. Now I've been with many girls, but nothing was better than being with a guy. I've never had sex with a guy, though. So I'm not sure how that is. But anyways, after he stopped talking to me I was actually sad. I ended up liking him, but to this day I'm still not sure if I really had any "feelings" for him. I called him a few weeks ago when I was a bit tipsy, and he wanted to hang out with me again. I told him I couldn't because I'm in a serious relationship (I am, really), and that I can't mess it up; otherwise I would. Anyways, so I slowly started coming out. I really didn't have anyone there for me for moral help except for that guy. I tried asking him for advice a couple days ago and he ignored me. So after waiting for a long time, I came out to my very best friend. He was understanding and accepting of it. He said nothing would change... I think some things have, I can't kid around with him about it anymore, and we haven't been as close as we used to. I find myself now confused on what to do. I have a girlfriend that I've been dating since about the beginning of March, and I really love her. But I've never tried a lot with a guy, ie: relationship, sex, etc. I'm not sure if I'm missing out or should I stay in my situation now, because I am very happy. Aside from the situation, I'm still at a loss for my thinking. I think this sounds stereotypical, but it's the only way to put it. I don't act gay... I dress like most straight guys do, I listen to metal, rock, go to concerts, I have a car I drag race. I know gays and straights are all alike, but Iiiiii don't know. I'm ignorant to it still, obviously. That's another reason why I think my best friend and I aren't as close. He said it surprised him because I don't act/look gay, as he put it. So can anybody give me some advice?? Obviously I've been bottling all this in for a long time. I can't talk to many people about it. I'm open with my orientation in front of friends, but with complete strangers, if it comes up, I'm afraid, not ashamed. Is that normal??? Thanks for any help.
Well, You could just be curious. That is a BIG possibility. I'm not saying you should do this or not, i'm just telling my story. Maybe you could take something from it. I was in high school when i really found out i was BI (that is also a possibility for you). I alredy had a girlfriend for about a year, and she was pretty cool (I wasnt thinking about marrage or anything, but i was happy). Then in one of my classes, i met this guy. He was really nice and i started thinking, and started liking the idea of something diffrent in my life. Now heres where i went WRONG! I started coming out to my whole school, except for my girlfriend. We were together for about another 6 months. Me and the guy from my class didnt do anything cause he was straight, But the thought was alredy in my head. During that 6 months, I expermented with about 50 guys (No shit). I turned into a wildchild. We ended up braking up because she found out about the other guys. I have felt terrible about that ever since it happend. If i could go back, I would have come out to her FIRST, then broke it off with her. What im trying to say is it's never wrong to experment. If i were you (I don't know how serious you are about this girl, however), I would put the relationship on Hold for awhile, while you really get out there and find out what you really want. Breaking up can be tough, but the "What if's" can kill you after a while. it just depends on what you want to do in your gut. Do you think you can be with her for the rest of your life? or do you want a little more? Any way it turns out, I wish you the best of luck on your journey! PEACE!
I agree with Folkhippie. Explore the "whatifs". You wont regret it. If you experiment and dont like being with guys, then atleast you know. And if your current girlfriend is really someone youre gonna be with forever, then shell be happy to continue with you if you want to. But theres a good chance you might turn to guys. And dont be afriad of that, the fear will only make you uncomfortable, and does you no good. I know it can feel weird opening up to guys though. Yeah, I know, I get the same shit "Oh my god, youre gay?? Not uh." And I haveta like convince people sometimes. I mean, Im not macho by any means, I dont listen to metal or drag race like you I guess, but Im also not feminine. Im just a normal guy. Who happens to be gay. And you may be too. In fact, I needta tell this girl whos been flirting with me, that Im gay. It was weird. She was all over me the other night. I didnt want to just blurt it out then, I didnt want to offend her and make her all embarassed (cuz shed feel embarassed about coming onto my when I was gay). I dunno. Not so big a deal though. Anywho, good luck exploring yourself! If you want, you can always PM me for help. Cheers and Love, Dylan
I agree with the above posts. I also recognize that I'm not you and I don't know how much your girlfriend means to you right now. When you say you really love her, do you mean romantically, or in a different way? I think that talking it over with her couldn't hurt, unless you don't think she'll take it well.
I'd say go ahead and experiment, but be honest about it. People can still get their hearts broken when they experiment, and you can reduce the chances of emotional hurt if you are upfront about what you're doing.
i must say i admire u for telling someone in the first place but dont rush anything, one mistake can ruin your life and we cant go back on them
