Anyone else have a "spirited child"

My eldest daughter, Heather, is what people nowadays call a "spirited" child. Meaning she'd rather poke me in the eye than hug me. She's been that way from birth. Opiniated, stubborn, passionate, and independent.

 

my child isnt here yet... but as a child i showed my love for people differently then most... i hated to be touched so i would avoid affection by being mean... my mom said that if i was being nice she knew something was going on...

 

My daughter is like that sometimes. She is difficult in many ways. She has sleep issues and anger issues and anxiety issues. That said, she is a very intelligent, creative child. And, when she is in an affectionate mood, she is very affectionate. She's a challenge, but I love her anyway.

 

Skye sometimes hits or pulls hair. He doesn't set out to hurt anyone, he just gets excited sometimes. The hitting is more of a "trying to pat" than it is a hit. We just tell him to be nice and he starts rubbing instead of patting. He learned it on the dogs. He would try to "pat" them on the backs, but it would be more of a hit. We would tell him to be nice and show him how to pet the dogs. It just tranfered to everything else. He is not a mean child at all, he has a very affectionate loving personality. He likes to hug people and animals. Often times, I will be busy doing something while he is playing, and then, out of the blue, he comes walking up to me, gives me a big hug, and then goes back to playing. I always encourge him telling him that he is so nice and sweet, and he gives the best huggies in the world!

 

yup, rory is a sprited child. sounds like yours, obstinate (omg is she HEADSTRONG),stubborn,willfull, all of that.
and brilliant, and very creative.
i adore her, but she is a big challenge, every day.

 

for a while, I thought that book, Raising Your Spirited Child had been written especially about my oldest kid. But then she got a little older, and things got worse. So I read The Explosive Child and it seemed a little closer to home. But fixing her diet and eliminating certain foods has changed everything. She's still the most intense little person I've ever met, but is so much easier to parent now.

 

I think the book can help a lot of parents, especially, if they were raised with the idea that children need to conform. (Hint, they don't.) But, I think that book did damage to my oldest daughter. I kept telling myself (and everyone else) that she was just "Spirited" when, in reality, she was brain damaged, and NEEDED medication, therapy and a good neurologist. We delayed HELPING our child, so we could tell people that we were so free and accepting of her unacceptable behaviors. We did that child a HUGE disservice and I still am having a hard time forgiving myself. If Sunshine had gotten medicaiton, therapy and a Neurologist earlier, a lot of the hell she expreienced in her early life would have never happened.

Make sure your child is HEALTHY, but Spirted. Don't use the book to try to excuse a child with an illness or damage. I threw that damn book away, and now never recommend it to people. I was too into saying "I'll never medicate a child." to actually HELP my child, and that book helped me remain in complete DENIAL about a child in real pain.

I can't recommend the book or it's theories. There are too many kids who REALLY have neurological damage, who have treatment delayed or not treated at all, and that book helps a lot of parents with their denial. This is just my opinion, but I know it was probably the worst book I could have run into at the time I did.

There are some children to whom the book is applicable to. But, the more severe the symptoms, the less likely this is to be.

Children who are different and Happy are the ones whose parents can be helped by this book. My dd was saying, "Mama, help me. I can't stop moving, I can't stop my thoughts from jumping, I can't stop twitching. I can't stop screaming things out, I can't feel happy. Please, Mama, HELP ME." I finally LISTENED to the child, said, fuck the whole "Spirited" thing, and took her to a Neurologist, who helped more than anything. This is only MY story, and Your Milage May Vary. But, a child in pain is NOT "Spirited." A child in pain is a child who needs more than a book to make mama and daddy feel better about being "OK" parents. JMO, again. I am not sayijng this applies to anyone else.