Soon-to-be-ex is driving me CRAZY!!!

STBX is still living with me until he finds a place. His attitude is absolutely driving me nuts. He's always been insanely lazy and it's always been a fight to get him to do anything, but lately it's been much worse. He's a compulsive procrastinator. I work 50 hours a week and go to school full-time. He works maybe 20 hours a week and goes to school part-time. And he still whines that I don't do anything when I'm barely home long enough to do my homework and get six hours of sleep a night.

For example, this morning. I gave him a couple of hours after he got up to laze about. I asked him to change Taylor's diaper. He made coffee and spent 45 minutes drinking it first. I asked him to clean up the living room. It took me four requests to get him off the couch. Finally I had to say "R, get off your butt now! Let's go. I'm still waiting. You haven't gotten off the couch yet. Come on, straighten up. You're still sitting on the couch." with a couple of minutes between each sentence. That's how long it takes just to get him off his butt. He spent five minutes picking up every teeny little thing he could reach without actually having to stand up. Then he wandered into the laundry room and spent ten minutes doing god knows what. It certainly wasn't laundry. Then he finally came back in the living room and picked up a few things in the center of the living room floor. Then he sat down. I said "R, you're not finished." He said "I know," got up, picked up a few more things, then wandered upstairs for what he claimed was an absolute bathroom emergency (which, oddly enough, seem to occur every day about the time I start to get really pissed off at his laziness and last about half an hour).

I've been asking him every day for three weeks to clean the living room. It's still nowhere near clean. He'll wander around for an hour, trying to look like he's cleaning while actually getting nothing accomplished. It took me two weeks to get him to halfway do the laundry. I'm sick of nagging, but I only have two choices - I nag and it gets half-assed finished, or I don't nag and nothing gets done and the house turns into a trashcan. Ignoring doesn't work for him, because he just doesn't care. Trash will sit in the kitchen floor forever. He won't pick it up till I remind him eight or nine times, then stand over him and force him to pick it up like he's a child. If I leave a list, he doesn't do it. If I ignore it, he doesn't do it. If I ask nicely, he doesn't do it. If I yell, he'll put it off as long as humanly possible, wait until I basically drag him over to it and force him to do it, then he'll do as little as possible just to get me to shut up, sitting back down on the couch every two minutes, hoping I'll be satisfied and shut up.

We just had a big fight. I started griping at him because I'm so sick and tired of him sitting on his butt all the time doing nothing. He pulled his usual trick of "Well, if you're going to talk to me that way, I'm just not going to do anything." What was your excuse for the past three weeks when I've been doing my best to be diplomatic and you've been sitting on your ass?

I got so upset I flung a veggie burger at him while he was holding Taylor. I purposely didn't throw the whole plate because of Taylor - a veggie burger isn't going to hurt him. STBX actually had the gall to threated to take Taylor right then and take off to his dad's - 3 1/2 hours away! I told him that I'd call the cops and report him for kidnapping and make sure he never saw Taylor again. If he did take Taylor, he wouldn't take care of him anyway. He'd dump him at his dad's or at my parents' and take off drinking with his friends like he did when he took him to visit for the weekend.

I am so sick of this crap! He ignores every word that comes out of my mouth, uses my anger to retroactively excuse his laziness, and still sits on his ass. He's upstairs taking a shower now - that's a good half hour of time-wasting - then he's going to the store - an hour and a half wasted there - then it will be time for him to go to work. So that's one more day of absolutely nothing accomplished, regardless of my badgering and nagging, crying and yelling. He's made of stone. He just doesn't care how much it hurts me that he promises day after day to do this or that and it never ever happens. All he cares about it that he spends the maximum amount of time humanly possible sitting on his butt.

Sorry this is so long, I just needed to vent.

 

Kick his ass out on the street. That'll make him move.

Peace and love

 

You should still be able to get someone knowledgable to get those logs off your computer to prove that he cheated on you. Once you have that proof, so that your ass is covered IF he tries to start any shit, give him a deadline to be out.

Is your home in your name or both names? If it's in your name, give him 2 weeks notice -- be out by that date or you will have the police remove him from the premises. That should get his ass in gear.

If you're renting and the lease is in both your names, go talk to the management and find out what your options are.

Whatever you do, do not throw so much as a cotton ball at him again. As it is, he could claim that you threatened to throw the plate at him, but the veggie burger is all that actually hit him (he said, she said, it's all a matter of perspective whether you intended to throw the plate or not). Threatening to assault him while he was holding your child in his arms is a valid reason to take the child from your custody.

Think of what this must be doing to your child. Can you imagine what went through his head as mommy looked like she was going to throw a plate at him and daddy?

Go visit your parents for a while if you have to. Avoid being at home as much as humanly possible. Stop playing silly games with your ex, nagging him to do shit. When all of the dishes are dirty, wash only what you need to cook for yourself and your child. When all of the laundry is dirty, wash only your clothes and your child's clothes. As long as you enable him like this, why should he care to leave?

 

I've given him till the end of the week to move out. The computer logs are irrelevent because we're filing for a dissolution of marriage instead of a divorce (both parties agree, no fault assigned). That way, we don't have to go through custody hearings and all that crap and we don't have to spend nearly as much money. We can handle most everything ourselves. I can't afford to pay lawyer fees on top of everything else. It's not worth fighting for a divorce based on adultery when I'm just going to end up out a bunch of money in the end.

We're renting at the moment and as soon as he's out, I'm going to get his name off the lease. I'll also be taking his name off the bank account and taking back his debit and credit cards. The only reason I've been this lenient with him is because I go to school in the evenings and I need him to watch Taylor in the evenings. Also, I'm taking a two-week work trip in December and he'll have to take care of Taylor then.

I know it was wrong of me to throw the burger, but I've had big issues with anger my whole life, and it's kind of a victory that I was able to restrain myself enough just to throw the burger and not the plate. DS was asleep at the time, so he was cool.

STBX is trying to give me grief about cosigning for him on an apartment. Neither he nor his roommate can afford the place till they both get second jobs. His roommate's parents will be paying the rent till they can afford it. Because of this, they both have to have cosigners. I told STBX that if they can't afford it, they should find somewhere else that they can't afford. I'm not risking my credit on him. He still has to be out by Friday. He might be living in an efficiency apartment, but he'll have a roof over his head and my credit will be safe.

 

the veggie patty thing made me giggle

civil enough not to eat hamburgers but armed to the death with veggie patties if you piss me off!!!!!!!!!

 

p.s. I'm not trying to make fun of you. I just thought it was cute

 

Well, whatever you do...DO NOT COSIGN FOR HIS APARTMENT. He must be crazy just to ask. Make sure you get his name off the accounts before he drains any savings you may have. This guy seems like an immature baby...and you already have one kid to take care of (this guy picks up the living room in the same style as my 11 year old brother).

If I were you I'd just let that cleaning and other stuff you want him to do go, becuase when he finally leaves you'll be the only one to do that anyway. Just start throwing his messes in a trash bag and leaving it in his room or wherever he sleeps for him, and take care of the rest yourself. And make sure you don't do him any favors, since he does you none. Hopefully you only have a short time to deal with him in your home anyways.

 

jeez--what a slug.He'll find somebody to wait on him hand and foot--there are those out there.I suggest you find someone else to watch your youngin' when you're busy--see if he makes the effort to see him..If he doesn't make the effort--he's more out of your life. Good luck.

 

You need to not be asking him for ANYTHING, or giving him anything, even the time of day. I have an X who has been an X for over 15 years and I STILL cannot get completely rid of him. And I have done everything but kill him. Some of the worst are like that. I tried to get him to get out for over a year. The beauty was we were not married. THANK GOD! I just started by creating my own life, totally, which did NOT include him whatsoever. I told him every few days to find somewhere to go. Other than that I ignored him as much as possible. I let him lay in his own swill. I had an affair finally, which was the ONLY thing that finally sunk in. I DID have to call the police on him for kidnapping at one point. But I had kids who were not his and he took them anyhow. Lucky for him he turned up later that day, after a failed attempt at burning down the house. I finally just packed mine and the kids stuff and left and told him I would not be back until he was gone. It took him almost 2 weeks to completely trash the place (my place!) and rob me blind, but at least he was gone. So it was worth the hassle of cleaning up afterwards. And I DID file a police report about the stolen items. So, I have no sympathy for someone like that. You need to stop playing the nagging game. The game of expecting that he's gonna do anything other than annoy you. He's probably getting off on annoying you! The nagging and expectations are what's keeping you sucked into his game. He's just using your kid as leverage. I would not give him a damn thing. He put himself in this boat, so you should just let it sink if he can't get it together. He sounds like a total child. He deserves NO sympaty from you, and if you are that set on being rid of him, you definately should not be expecting him to babysit!!!
Around here, if ya need to get him off the bank account, he's gotta go and request it too. You may have to get him to do that at gunpoint. Figuratively, not literally. Maybe ya could get him really drunk, load him in the car, and drop him off somewhere far far away. Like in another state at a homeless shelter.

 

I don't know if he needs to be there to get his name off the bank account, but he's already opened up one in his own name, so we'll be going the second he gets his debit card and getting his name off mine. Thankfully, he's not as bad as your ex! He loves his son and I don't want to take Taylor's Daddy away from him, but I doubt it will come down to that. I think he just said that to try and piss me off.

 

If your name is on a joint account,can't you just take the money out and start another account?

 

It's easier just to take his name off. That way, I don't have to change my direct deposit, get a new debit card, change over all my bills, all that jazz. All I have to is order new checks with just my name on them.

 

But, don't you need him present to take his name off. At least in my state, the other person has to be present to take their name off an account. They won't even let you bring in a document with their signature with it.

You'll need to change the bills anyway. And the debit card, too, as he may still be able to access the money through that.

I'd just empty the account and start a new one, at a different bank, in your name alone, BEFORE he does this. You have the child, you need the money. Let him work if he wants money.

 

How much time did you waste typing this post?
And, it was super childish of you to fling something at him while he was holding your child, regardless of how soft it was.

In any case, if he's that lazy, get rid of him now. Who says you need to be the better person and house him until he finds his own place?

 

Jeez, thanks for the support. His years of laziness and my five minutes on Hip Forums, yeah THAT'S the same.

 

Hey, ladies, I know this is an emotional issue, but :chill: CHILL. OK.

Jane, I think she was just concerned about the fact that you and your child are continuing to be harmed by this man in your home.

Moon has a strong demeaner (just like you do, too) but she is a strong defender of the oppressed. Okay?

CHILL

 

If it was sympathy you were looking for, you should just have asked. Then, I would not have made any sort of post.
You shouldn't let ANY man use you the way you say he is. Kick his lazy ass out and don't let him near you anymore. If he's abusing your child, keep him from seeing the child aswell. Don't just let him sit around your house until he finds a place. He'll feed off of it. If he refuses to leave, the local PD will escort him out.