Women Spending Money!

Okay, so maybe the title is a little sexist, but it got your attention, right?

It is common knowledge, or shall I be more politically correct and say "legend", that women sometimes spend more of their partner's money than their partner would like.

How do you all feel about girls and their plastic?

I'm asking because it can be such an extremely touchy subject, multiplied 10 fold when the spendthrift is your girlfriend and the money is her own as opposed to a spouse and your cash. In this case it should be none of your business, BUT what if said girlfriend then complains "I don't have enough money for *insert whatever*".

Or how about paying her way for things such as dinner and a movie? In my opinion it makes it a little less "special" for me to drop cash on her when she spent double what I spent on her earlier that day buying a purse that she absolutely did not need.

How can I possibly react with complete indifference to her $50 sweater when she complains that she hasn't enough money for simple little things with or without me.


Well, what are your thoughts on women spending money in a dating relationship? Butt out completely? Be indifferent, or even praise her ludicrous purchases? Praising is all fine and well, but I don't want to encourage wasting money, even her own. I live a VERY thrifty life, she is pampered to some extent by her father.

I'm going to take her dumpster diving with me until she learns to appreciate the buck.

Why are my posts always unnecessarily long? Thanks for the replies folks.

 

It seems she is used to being given money when she needs it that is why she spends so much.

 

Unnecessary spending goes both ways. I've known plenty of men who would spend the family's money on man toys or video games or whatever. As for a girlfriend with big spending habits, I doubt I would have been with her for long. I am attracted to a more thrifty, second hand sort of person. My wife would have never become my wife had she needed expensive hand bags and such.

 

ya think thats bad..i'm sooooooo far in debt from my gf's blowin every lil bit of cash i had
i make very lil money, but had gf's who made a hell of alot more..but theyd wanna just blow $ left and right on totaly useless crap..and expect me to help em pay theyre bills
just lookin around my apartment now, i see a bunch of useless junk myy last ex just hadta buy..never used..and still is lyin around my apartment..i made like 7,000 a year she made 40,000...yet i had to pay all her bills
shopping to women is a fun time..not a nesacity

 

the guys ive dated in the past were usually way more broke than i was. so ive never spent their money. i find it weird to just go spend money that i havent earned myself. and when i spend money on a lot of clothes and such its usually cuz im depressed, so thats not a good sign for me.

i guess its really how u were raised that makes u waste money. pple who are used to spending a lot of money on gadgets dont sound very responsible, so i wouldnt praise it. i take it keeping your gf a spoiled child is a male pride thing lol..

 

My aunt is this way. She makes pretty decent cash and so does my uncle when he is working but she has a thing for credit cards. I'm not sure of the details of the debt but more than once they had to be bailed out on tens of thousands of dollars in credit card debt. I'm just glad I know how to budget and I'm glad I hate to shop otherwise I would be f-ed. Of course, I've seen it where the guys like to spend spend spend when they dont always have the $$$$ too.

 

I guess this is a part of my concern that I didn't really realize. I can remember myself thinking briefly "Why does she need to buy clothing to make herself happy?" and see it as my shortcoming in the 'making her happy' dept.

My girl is not terrible about this spending business and she buys most of her own things (aside from tuition lol), but she seems to have a 90% more likelihood of going shopping when things aren't 100% perfect between us.

When I'm feeling down I workout and get some air and feel better about myself. She eats chocolate and shops. Meh, whatcha gonna do.

 

As muchn as couples like to keep everything separate when it comes to cash, you know, stay out of one another's pockets, as soon as one is in the minus it cant help but affect the other partner in some way.

My partner will be out of a job soon and has asked me to help out while hes unemployed, his argument being that I practiacally live at his place, therefore I shou;ld help out. My argument being, I earn crap all anyway and I dont have that much affect on his bills, plus I already pay half of the grocery bill, and if I am giving him money because he's broke and he decides to go out and blow $70 at the pub and therefore cant afford enough food or to put petrol in his car. I will suffer for it, and I will resent him.

 

You said that this was a dating relationship. Good; it gives you a chance to see how she interacts with money.

 

you're bitching about your girlfriend (a girl you are not even married to and have no buisness being up in her finances) buying a 50 dollar sweater? Who the hell are you to judge what she spends her money on. If you don't like paying for dates tell her and find somone who doesn't mind going dutch.
If I tell a guy I bought something that I am wearing it is usually to give the impression that I thought enough about him to want to look nice for our date.
I was dating somone who was a teacher and we made the same amount so I offered to pick up the tab once in awhile, he never took me up on it and always complemented my overpriced clothing.
If I were a man I would like dating a woman who cared about her appearance and who I was proud to bring to work functions and could fit in all aspects of society.
Would you rather have your girl drop 50 bucks on a sweater or not give a shit and be homley as fuck?
My take on it is you pay the bar tab and I'll make sure the guys at the bar envy what you have....superficial-yes but most men like this.

 

Since I'm a woman, I can only speak for myself. I don't have female friends to compare any of it to.

I hate when my partner pays for things. I'd rather just pay for myself. It makes me feel terrible when he does buy me stuff or take me out to dinner because I know he doesn't make much money and can barely make ends meet as it is.

I don't care much for clothes or other material things, so I rarely ever spend my money on that stuff, let alone my partner spending money on that kind of thing for me.

 

How invested in this relationship are you? Frankly, it sounds like you need to do some serious soul searching as to whether this is the right girl for you. If the situation is bugging you now, what happens if you stay together, get married, and get a joint bank account? How will you cope?

What if she reacted with "you dumpter dive? Ewwww that's so gross, no boy I date should have to dig through trash like a bum!" Would that make you change your ways? Would you suddenly decide that, yes, you would like to learn to be a good consumer and buy, buy, buy? How can you expect her to change what is likely a habit since childhood just because you prefer frugality?

So... Is this really someone you're ready to date as she is? If you're looking for a fixer-upper, you need a reality check, you can't fix people. I realize this is far more negative than the other posts. I've been watching my brother struggle with this with his wife about this very issue for years now (with a few near-divorce moments) -- the problem doesn't just go away, if it's here now it will be here tomorrow.

And in response to lynsey's comments (which I actually found a bit insulting) -- I don't need to spend $50 per piece of clothing to look nice. I don't dress like some homely slob, but I don't think I own a single item of clothing (excluding coats, shoes, etc.) that I paid more than $30 for. And I'm a smart shopper -- I buy things that mix & match instead of some terribly cute new purse that will really on match one outfit or some silly shit like that. I go for classic styles, not trendy trash, so don't need to buy a new wardrobe every season to keep looking good. And I watch the sales. I'm a cheapskate myself, yet somehow manage to look nice rather than homely, imagine that.

 

OH and to add to Dawn_sky's last comment.

If a guy doesn't like the way I dress if I don't spend 50 dollars on a piece of clothing (that supposedly looks good) and thinks it's homely...oh well, then I guess he's not good enough for me and I wouldn't want to be with someone like that. Superficiality sucks.

 

Honestly, her money is her money. Offer to provide some tips next time she says she's low on cash rather than giving her money.

-However-, I -HATE- going dutch with a guy unless it's been agreed upon before the date. I mean, the first outing, if it's just coffee, that's not so bad. But otherwise, it drives me batty. I rarely have money to spend on a dinner out or a movie, it has to be discussed ahead of time so I can arrange my finances ahead of time, 'else you're SOL and paying for me because I don't have the money in the account I can access with my debit.

 

I didn't say anyone NEEDED to buy a 50 dollar sweater. I just pointed out each extreme. I am insecure and I cover that up with clothing, I have no problem admitting that.

I hope I didn't insult anyone I am just stating my viewpoint and what kinda guy I prefer. It shouldn't relect upon anyone else. I did not mean to start an argument.

 

1. i think the ASSUMPTION that males have to pay for the first date, pay for dinner etc etc is pathetic. pay your own way UNLESS they offer.

2. practice giving and receiving. learn to do BOTH well, without blocks or expectations.

3. if you give money to someone who has no idea of the value of money, then you're enabling them and you have no right to complain about it.

4. sandmander in the end you need to decide if you can put up with this girl...have you talked to her about it??

 

I just tend to think that whoever is doing the unnecessary spending (guy or girl) needs to have another look at themselves and what it is they're relaly 'trying to buy'?? Is there some shortage in their lives, some spiritual lack? I certainly don't believe anyway that guys must fork out bucks whenever the woman wants them to!! That's just using and it's not on!!!

 

at the end of the day, you just have rto decide what you are willing to tolerate, and what is a dealbreaker for you.

if youre losing out becuase of her spending, and therfore she cant afford to do things, then you need to tell her how you feel... and why.

 

How about the assumption that whoever invites pays? After all, if I'm broke, I can invite someone to my house or prepare a picnic instead of inviting them to a fancy restaurant.

I agree that her money is her money. But, if she has poor money management skills, so that she buys fancy clothes but then doesn't have money for groceries (or whatever), then that is something that will be an issue if things become more serious between the two of you.

You mentioned that she is pampered by her father... She will probably not learn to think about how she manages her money until daddy cuts her off and she has to find a way to get out of a bind on her own. As long as some boyfriend is willing to pick up the tab when she has no money for dinner because she just bought a designer dress, she will not learn.

You can't force it on her, you can't fix her, but paying her way is enabling her (so keeping her from learning).

 

Okay, I've seen both sides of this on a regular basis... the gal says she doesn't have money for (whatever) because her guy just went out a blew several thousand on a boat. On the other hand, I don't know many guys that are so up on fashion that they can appreciate their gal spending a couple of hundred on some trendy jeans when the electric bill is overdue.

I honestly feel it's a security issue with some women. Does he love me enough to let me have this? I know that sounds silly, but it seems to have some direct link with how much some women feel they're loved. Hell, I bought a whole freaking business because my gf of the time wanted it so badly she went around for days crying about it. I should have just tattooed "SUCKER!" on my forehead and been done with it. It taught me a valuable lesson... sometimes the debts stick around a lot longer than the gf.

In the long run, you do what's comfortable for you, or you say something about it and refuse to go along. In my personal experience, I have a difficult time saying "no" when it comes to buying something my gf wants (obviously0, but when we're living together and I'm the one earning the only income, then I have a right to say, "Sorry, honey... we just can't afford that right now. But we'll try to keep it in mind when things are a little easier financially." It 's amazing how often the item isn't important later on.

And as for going dutch, that's something I have a difficult time with, but on the reverse side... if i extend the invitation, I expect to pay. I also expect the gal to be reasonable and not order a bottle of '32 Dom Bankrupcy without checking with me to see if that's okay. Most folks can't live that expansive "You bought lunch, I'll spring for the Cadillacs" kind of lifestyle.