*** Misery to follow *** ceaseless - well, at least until you die. but you only go around once, as far as we know. Why does it have to be so god damned miserable? Why do so many people take such great pleasure in others' misery (Schadenfreude, as we krauts call it)? maybe it's just because I'm tired because i can never seem to sleep well... maybe it's just because i forgot to take my "happy pills" on time today, maybe it's just because of all the stress (and more added stress each day). or maybe it's because it's all for nothing and i'm slipping into the hole again. maybe it's because i'm so sick of living in this fucked up world where finding peace and joy is nearly impossible and i have to go to ever greater lengths to escape the things that hurt. Yeah, the ultimate mindfuck - my mind is so fucked, it can't even *focus* on anything but misery, hate, anger, sadness, pain. And *that* makes me angry. Endless circle. i don't want to slip into the hole again... i barely started to climb back out for just a little while. i almost didn't make it out alive last time. not again, please.... not again. i'm tired. i must sleep. but i cannot. so i take medications to make me sleep. and now sleep is starting to tug at my eyelids a bit.... time to go.
melancholia, i'm so sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time at the moment. Life is definately very hard, i often wonder why we have to go through all this pain, especially if we only get one life, i don't see the point. however there are good times to be had, even though you it might not seem like it right now, and even though there are people who love to see others happy, there are plenty of people who hate to think of others in pain. so smile for me now as i'm a friendly face who genuinely wants you to be happy. love michelle
hi michelle thanks for the reply - please excuse my erratic use of capital letters (or complete lack of them) - this keyboard has a bad shift key. Anyway, i see my doc again soon - maybe we'll have to play the med game again for a while - the stuff i'm on right now doesn't seem to be helping as much lately. Too many mood swings. But thanks again for your very kind and supportive comments - it really helps
