feeling unattractive

I feel completely unattractive. I am having a really hard time losing the weight that I gained with my pregnancy (well, I actually weigh less than I did before, but its all been rearranged). I can't fit in to any of my normal clothes. My pregnancy clothes were all warm weather clothes, and its now the begining of winter.

I've never dieted in my life. I've never exercised for weight loss. I've always been active, playing hockey, roller blading, and other things. When I wasn't active and gained some weight, I lost it through the "stress, coffee, cigarettes and drug abuse" diet... haha. Am not going to go that way again, as I have to stay healthy to continue breast feeding my son.

I feel so gross that my sex life has taken a major hit. I think it always takes some time to adjust when you have a baby, but I feel so unattractive and unsexy that I am embarrassed for my husband to see me naked. He tells me I am sexy and beautiful, but I don't really believe him and I don't understand how he could still find me attractive when I am so yucky.

Everyone tells me I look great.. but the problem isn't with how other see me, its how I see me... if that makes any sence.

Anyone else feel this way after giving birth? What did you do? How did you all lose the weight? How did you find time to exercise when you had a newborn?

Sorry if this sounds really down, but I am kinda feeling that way today! lol.

 

I have never given birth, so can't really help you there. I do, however, know that when breast feeding, the baby will almost litteraly suck the weight off. As far exercising, being a stay at home papa, I always just exercised while Skye was napping, until he was a few months old, then he would sit in his swing and sway back and forth, watching me do my kung-fu and Qigong exercises. When he got to be around four months, he would exercise (beginner Taiji exercises for babies, really helps with developing motor skills) and afterwards he would watch me do mine. We would have fun doing his exercises, and I would count each movement out in four different languages to help his brain develope as well. Really it is just one of those things that if you really want it, you will find the time. If your child is still just a new born, don't stress. Eating healthy will do alot for you and baby. You are still young enough that you have plenty of time to put your body the way you want it. Plus one baby is old enough to be able to walk, you will get plenty of exercise during the chases. As far as not being comfortable in the nude around your husband, I would say, speaking from the guys point of view, he probably loves you for who you are, and most likely understands that it takes a bit of time to "unstretch" all the parts that got stretched during the pregnancy. Besides, love is blind, right?

 

I felt that way the first couple of weeks. I just told myself that I was hot and didn't bother to look at my body in the mirror. I'd put on make-up (Just on my eyes and some red lipstick....red is powerful....because my face is prone to breakouts and this post-partum glow is taking a toll) and do my hair even if I wasn't going out, just because it made me feel better. Plus, I'd wear high heels around the house....but, I'm just a high heel kinda gal; that may not be your kinda thing and then again, it might be.
Preston told me I looked sexy too, but, like you, I didn't believe him.
Most of my weight came out with Alexis. And, the rest was water weight that I peed out after a couple days. I have this Jaclyn Smith video "Workout for beauty and balance" that's taking care of anything left behind.
I have some stretch marks, mine look like angel wings and they're only on the front of my belly, one patch on one side, the other patch on the other. I just don't pay any attention to them. They're kinda like having a tattoo that you know are going to fade some day....just not today.

 

yeah, moon.. lol. I saw the pics of you after you had your girl... hahaha. After having Manny my belly actually hung lower than my vagina. Gross visual, eh? 2 and a half months after having Manny I am still bigger than you were the day after you had your girl. I no longer have to lift my belly up to see my female parts, which is about the only thing that has gotten better.

I have stretch marks covering my belly, on my thighs, on my breasts and on my ass. Yep.. even on my ass. But its not the stretch marks that bug me... its the flab.

Bah.. I am having a bad couple of days. With the snow fall, I realized that I have nothing to wear... well, a pair of sweatpants and one shirt... lol. Pregnancy clothes are all too big and my normal clothes are just a dream.

I am thankful for both of your input. I will be breastfeeding until he is no longer interested, but the weight thing really hasn't happened yet... it isn't making me any smaller. In fact, the 36FF breasts are probably adding to the body issues... lol

I have never dealth with body issues like these before, which is why it's hitting me so hard now.

thanks for the input though! Thanks for taking the time to "weigh in" hahaa

 

I know exactly how you feel. With my first one, all the weight just kind of came off so easily, but this time it isnt going away so quickly. Everyone also told me that the breastfeeding helps, which I think it has, I can fit into (one pair of) my pre-pregnancy jeans but I have this "overflow" thing going on, so I can't wear any shirts that are the least bit fitting. it sucks. I do know that it is mostly just skin and that it will slowly stretch back, but it's still hard. I know what you mean about being embarrased for your husband to see you naked, I am too. But he still tells me that I look great, and even though I don't believe him, it's better than if he was telling me that I was fat and he didn't find me attractive or something like that.
The other day I went out and bought myself a cute (large) outfit. It made me feel better that I had a cute outfit that fit me. I know how much it sucks when the only clothing that fits is a tee shirt and some sweatpants. Just know that you are beautiful and lucky that you have a man sweet enough to tell you that!



edit: Not to say that anyone who doesn't have a man is unlucky, you don't need a man to feel good about yourself, but I was thinking more like the guys that put their girlfriends and wives down about their body after they have a baby and make them feel like shit.

 

First I would say to go easy on yourself. You just did an amzing thing br growing and giving birth to a baby. You should be enjoying your baby more than anything right now. I would look into a support group or other kind of group to help boost your self-esteem and help you with the rough patches that some with having a new little one.

 

you could be suffering post partum depression. breastfeeding, for me, does not make the weight melt off, in fact it's the exact opposite. I'm hungry all the time, totally famished, and can't get enough to eat. I've had to totally change perspectives since my first child was born (I gained something like 70 pounds during that pregnancy, and actually weighed more when I left the hospital because of all the swelling from too much IV fluids). My 34H boobs make me look much larger than I really am, just because it's impossible to find tops to fit me. But that's okay. It wasn't okay when my oldest child was little, but it is now. They feed my children and keep them healthy, both physically and emotionally. Buying clothes that fit was definitely top in helping me feel better about myself. I also did something different with my hair (twice). A pedicure set is great, and gives me an excuse to stay in the shower a little bit longer while my husband plays with the kids. I also recently joined the YMCA, and a little exercise makes a big difference in how I feel.

 

Honey, you JUST had a baby. It took nine months to gain that weight, even if you are breastfeeding, it sometimes takes longer than nine months to lose it. Also, things ARE rearranged. Your body changed dramatically, and there are parts of you which are changed (for the better, you used to have a Maiden Body, now you have a Mother Body) and will stay that way, other things will kinda go back later.

Hey, I think that lady was my LLL Mentor. 300 lbs and a Goddess. She was literally THREE of me, and KNEW she was beautiful.

 

I AM that lady....300plus pounds, and hey, I'm a goddess. I don't shave, or pluck my eyebrows, some days I don't even comb my hair, but I'm BEAUTIFUL.

It took a while to get that back after having Moire though, so I know how you feel, ITP. After Moire came, I was tired, in hatred of my breasts (that couldn't feed my babe as yours do), in an emotional upheaval, and couldn't fit in my pre-pregnancy clothing. I was just sure I was the most ugly thing on the planet. I wasn't. I might have been quite stinky, in need of a bath, but I definitely was beautiful.

There is nothing more beautiful, IMO, than a mother looking at her babe in complete peace. She can be frazzled, sleep deprived, not had a shower in days, but there is something so tranquil and beautiful about a mother.

You know what helped me feel sexy again? My showers. I NEED a shower a day. Combing my hair. Somedays, I'll literally forget. But the days I comb my hair, I feel better. My best days are when I wear my best skirt, put my hair up, wear my body spray, put on some lip gloss, and when my husband comes home, take it all off. Seeing that look in his eye says more than any words ever could.

Momma, you're beautiful. Don't ever forget it.

 

So true that it gave me chills. Those moments make it all worth it!

 

I honestly think I might have a little of the baby blues. We've all been watching for it, as I do have a history of other mental problems. I am fine.. but just fine. I seem to think that since I am home all day that the house should be clean, supper should be made and all those other things... and in reality, most days I don't make it out of my pjs until my husband gets home from work.

Somedays I think that if I could only just leave him in a crib or playpen for a couple hours, regardless of his cries, that I would actually be able to get something accomplished. lol. But, that isn't going to happen... his cries never go unanswered, even if all I accomplish is running the water to do the dishes 3 times without actually washing a dish!

I am thinking of joining Weight Watchers. My Mom lost over 100 pounds after having my sisters through Weight Watchers. My husband doesn't think it's needed, but maybe it would help me. I mean, he doesn't help bringing home "treats" all the time.. but then again, he doesn't think I look bad at all.

I went to a Maternity shop last time I was in the city, looking for some attractive nursing shirts. Something that was a bit sexier than a tshirt and sweatpants or a tank top which my belly hangs out of. Unfortunatly, they had nothing in a large... only small and medium. Tried to get a new bra too, as a "treat" (when properly fitting bras became a treat I will never know), but they didn't even have my size... I was too big even for the materinty store. I left the store crying.

I don't know if this funk I am in is because of how I look or because of the post-pardum. The two are connected, but as to which is the cause I don't know. Do I look like crap because I am depressed, or am I depressed because I look like crap?

Think I might make a doctors appointment to see what I should do. I have a really good doctor.... and maybe she could point me in the right direction.

Don't get me wrong... I love my son more than anything in the world. And if having him means that I have to look like this for the next 60 years, then its worth it. I am still an attentive mother, and spend most of the day laughing, playing and holding him. He is very much a mommas boy. I don't resent him for how I feel. My husband is actually taking the brunt of things. I hold it together/in when Mandred is awake or needing me.

thanks for all the input Ladies!

 

Boy do I know this! I still feel this! And it's having it's effect on me. But I've just prioritized myself as such: Baby first, then me. House can f*ck off. Brian somewhat understands. I mean, he comes home and I think he sometimes thinks "How could she not do ANYTHING today?" but at the same time, when he's got Moire on his own and doesn't do much or when he's wanting to go pee but doesn't want to just put her down, I think he gets it. Because she is most important, her happiness before the dishes.

I'm starting to get to a point of getting at least the dishes done regularly, and trying to add in the living room too, because soon she will be crawling and into everything. But it comes slowly, and if on some days, it doesn't come at all. Fine. As long as I held Moire when she cried, played with her until she giggled, fed her at my breast, and rocked her at my heart, we had a productive day. And that's how I'm trying to see it. For my sanity. Those GoodHousekeeping books can bite my ass. My kid comes before a perfect home and gourmet dinner!

 

thanks Holly... it really helps to know I'm not alone with this! Your words are beautiful

 

My great-grandmother stitched a sampler for my mom when she was pregnant with me. And when I became pregnant with my son, Mom passed it down to me. It's a mama rocking her baby, and a poem... I'm sure you've heard it:

Cleaning and scrubbing
Can wait 'til tomorrow
For babies grow up
We've learned to our sorrow
So quiet down cobwebs
Dust go to sleep
I'm rocking my baby
And babies don't keep.

It's something I think you really have to be a mom to understand... that the dust really will be there tomorrow & nobody will die if the tops of your cupboards aren't spotless... but that you will never forgive yourself for missing just ONE of those important and daily (with an infant) "firsts."

Take care of your baby. That's what mamas are for. In a little while you'll be able to get a few things done during naptimes... until then, hog all those baby cuddles. I don't think you will ever regret having a house that wasn't quite perfect, but I can tell you from experience I would give ANYTHING for just a few more baby cuddles.
love,
mom

 

Try Wal-Mart. The one down here has a FF bra. I saw it just a few hours ago when I was shopping around. Your local Wally World may have one or two.
Wal-Mart also has some really cute maternity clothes for winter (If that's what you are wanting). They have 'Velour' jump suits and awesome shirts. Makes me want to be pregnant all over again. Lol. They don't have any nursing shirts here, but they may there.

 

our walmart doesn't have a maternity section (apparently people here don't get pregnant) and only carries bras up to a DD (even nursing bras).

So, to recap, the shoppers at the Walmart here apparently have smaller breasts and do not breed... which is funny, because there are always a ton of snot nosed kids running around the toy department... imaculate conception at the alter of the consumer gods?

thanks for the advice though! Am thinking of getting my sister who goes to school in Minot to look at the Target there.

 

Wow, at our Walmart the ladies loom large and breed a plenty. Where do you live?

I'll find you some good online bra places, with larger sizes. I'm having menopause brain at the moment and all relvent data has left the building.

I LOVE you, honey!!!!

 

I felt pretty down after my son was born, especially being an older mama and having to come to grips with the whole middle aged thing while nursing a toddler. One thing that helped me was looking into my son's eyes and just realizing that I was his whole definition of beauty. Our whole culture gets hung up on looks and gets us hung up on looks,it's a power trip designed to keep you buying stuff. Remember true beauty is what we do and who we are,not looks.

 

*hugs*
Everyone else here is SO right! You JUST had a baby mama! I went from 140 lbs to 200 lbs with Leane, and 30 lbs of it just won't let go!!! (I'm 5'2 BTW, so 170 looks like a lot on little me...hell, I looked massive at 140). I went to Curves for 3 months, followed their weight plan and I never dropped a single pound. It SUCKED. Cody tells me that I'm beautiful all the time, and although it's really sweet, it's also really hard to believe when you're looking at yourself and can't believe how much you've changed.
But over time, I have come to think of myself as more beautiful. I would still like to loose the weight, but I'm not waking up in the middle of the night sweating and my heart racing as much as I used to about the way that I look.
I have also heard many times that a lot of the time it takes a full 2 years after having a bebe for your weight to figure itself back out. But then again, you said that you were lighter than you were before, didn't you......so I guess that's not important
You're a beautiful mama now! Listen to hubby when he tells you that you look great! He's not lying! You gave birth to his bebe and to many men, that is one of the most beautiful things ever! Cody told me that many times when I'd be upset about my stomach hanging over my crotch (I have the same probelm as you).....hell, you can hardly see my crotch anymore cuz it "shifted" down so far! But Cody will tickle my belly and say, "my daughter came from there, how could that ever be anything but beautiful?" Same goes for you mama!
Plus, I also think that it's kinda funny when Leane comes up to me and starts to hit my belly and giggles when it jiggles lol