Your presence is like a cancer for my soul, Making me barf depression and disgust! Your absence is like a needle in my eye, Making me bleed confusion and conformity! For to you a man is only as good as his grades, As good as the malleability of his mind! Where did all your hair go? Was it part of your tuition to law school? Where did all your happiness go? Was it part of the divorce settlement? Goodnight, mom. Goodnight, dad. Goodnight, empty lives
Bizarre but thus interesting! I'm not sure I like barf depression and bleed conformity.... but the aside from that this was okay.
Feel the burn, Of life. Coast through the slow suicide, Of life. Entertain the creator, Of life. Enjoy the ecstasies, Of life. Dread the gloom, Of life. Indulge in the fruits, Of life. End life, With death.
A good vocabulary, but nothing beyond that. The imagery was mediocre, the idea was completely unoriginal, and the structure was just the same ol' free-form. Put those words to good use, they deserve it. Edit: And I won't even say anything about your second poem, because I'm feeling nice today.
A little girl was stalked and shocked. She was raped and taped. She was hit with a bat and lived with the rats. Stuck in a closet, kept till she lost it. Her corpse was found, as if she had drowned, And the man that did this still runs free because a pig was catching stoner number three by the way, tencentarcade. i whole-heartedly agree with you that the second poem sucks. it really is just a strand of wishy-washy words.
Hahahahahahahaahahha. Don't worry, you'll grow out of your blind-teenage-angst phase. And that's when you will realize that Nirvana, Tool, and NIN suck.
What are you on an ego trip? You didn't offer any honest critique here, you just basically said it's crap. Good critique comes with suggestions for improvement and specific flaws and instead you just came off as rude and arrogant.
Did you not read my first post in this thread? And my second post was my joking around. I mean, I didn't think it was that good, but I wasn't seriously being that mean. I meant to add one of those little "sarcastic" emoticons at the end of it.
To be fair, I take it you don't consider yourself a teenager? And yes I've read your 'critique' but like I've said it sounded more like an ego trip by the way you've presented it.
it always amazes me that to a 16 year old a 15 year old is always just being a 'silly 15-year-old' but to a 17 year old the 16 year old is always just being a 'silly 16-year-old'. hmmm... i think there's a poem there somewhere. haha. by the way, im a male.
"A good vocabulary, but nothing beyond that. The imagery was mediocre, the idea was completely unoriginal, and the structure was just the same ol' free-form. Put those words to good use, they deserve it." That's an ego trip? Well, I guess, considering I was just saying what I think. And of course I'm a teenager, and of course I do silly teenage things. But I can still remind someone else when they're being a silly teenager, can't I?
