Need alittle help *Long read*

Ive been trolling this board for about 3 hours, reading some of the post and just enjoying the site. Well I was reading a post about a guy that was sexual attracted to men and would feel wierd after he came. Well, Im in the same boat

I have masturbated to men since I was like 7 and LOVE it when Im doing it. I love the thought of being with a man, a man inside me, and just making a man happy, untill i cum. After I cum, I think its bad and I shouldnt do it. Well I have been talking (over the internet) with this guy for about a year. He is about 20 years older than me. (Im 24) Ive always had a thing for older men. I have masturbated on my web-cam for him and loved doing it, but after I cum, I am very short with him and sign off. He is taking his time with me and makes me feel good about myself. I want to meet him but cant build enough courage to do it. I get all amped up and say to myself, "this is it, im gonna do it" but then my courage just goes to shit.

Ive had to gay experances when i was younger (18) I got a blow job from another 18yr old guy and it was GREAT. But i couldnt return the favor. I guess i was scarred.

This guy has treated me wonderfully and I just dont know what to do. I like girls, but girls really dont turn me on that much anymore. Please, can yall give me some insite on what to do? Also am I gay?

Im Lost
Mike

 

no insite?

 

Sounds like you have an aversion to being attracted to men on a level unrelated to your sexuality. Do you think there is something wrong with being gay?

 

No not really, just different i guess

 

See here's my though. A lesbian friend of mine expresssed that for her, because of the over all homophobic attitude in western culture she saw her homosexuality as a phase, and something that she would "grow out of".

I would not go out of my wayy to call you gay, but do any of these thoughts resonate with you?

 

I thought it would be just a phase too. Any yes the thoughts are always with me

 

Ok....its easy to think about something and not act on it...maybe its just fantasy material with you now....?

 

WEll i dont know if its just a fantasy. I like the idea of being with a man, just cant seem to do it

 

maybe meet a younger guy in the same boat?

 

Well im not attracted to younger guys. it just sucks lol

 

i think youre gay. but i could be very well wrong.
but if youre that sexually attracted, and for so long that youve been masturbating to guys and everything. then you dfefinteily are attracted to men.

i think you ARE afraid, and that youre afraid of accepting your sexuality. i was afraid too of course. it was a weird thought, like "oh...im going to LOVE a man and make love with him????" and it was a fucedfk up thought to me at first. and then i chilled out. i had my frist boyfriend, and now its all good.

so if it is really something on your mind, then you should do something about it i think. and id suggest trying something out with another guy, as in dating or something. i dunno if id suggest this guy who is double your age, thats probably going to make you more scared than you already are. id sugest someone around your age, or even a bit younger. itll be scary, and youll feel uncomfrotbale with 50 feelings you are feeling all at once, but once you muster up that courage and go through with it, youll feel better, and youll realize that such beuatiful feelings you have should not at ALL be considered "wrong".

so go for it!
good luck
cheers,
dylan

 

I think i should just go for it