One of those posts...

where I pretty much KNOW the answer to my problem, sorta, but I feel like ranting and seeing what others tell me anyway.

Anywho.

yeah- to be straightforward. I am REALLY frustrated. Why?

Because of a certain paradox there seems to be in this world- the more you want someone, the less someones there are for you. Or to phrase it better: The more you long for a boyfriend/girlfriend, and the more you try to find someone, and/or stress about it, the less likely you are to find someone.

I mean, I havent really TRIED to find someone really. I havent gone to any gay youth group or a gay bar (for younger aged people...Im in Berlin right now so drinkin is legal). But yeah...I just get so frustrated. I feel like I never run into other gay people. Seriously, I really never have had a friendship with someone else who is gay, atleast in person. Ive had one boyfriend, and it was horrible circumstances (he was cool though).

Im just, as Ive prolly said 5 billion times, frustrated. I want to meet someone. I want to have more experience in relationships (and I dont meet sex, I mean on an emotional level, although yeah sure Id like to have sex but thats besides the point I think). I feel isolated... oh gosh, Im probably sounding like every other post Ive done on here, and every other one someone else makes...so Im probably just wasting space, but I really needed to ranted here.

What thoughts do you have for me people???

Cheers and Love,
Dylan

 

I've always been sad to observe that it seems, when you are truly absolutely mad about someone, you have to pretend like your emotions aren't as strong, for fear of looking too "desperate" and "pathetic"

ugh.

 

I don't know whether this is any comfort to you, but I'm in a similar situation. However, if I were in Berlin instead of a small, blue-collar town, I'd probably be out investigating all sorts of possibilities.

There are probably many more gay men who would make good friends and lovers for you there in Berlin than there are in many small towns.

If you make finding Mr. Right (or Herr Recht, as the case may be) a full-time search, it's easy to come off as desperate. That is not attractive. My hunch is that your best strategy is to find good gay friends first. You're not originally from Berlin, so you're new in town...or close enough to it anyway.

If your German is up to it, call a gay hotline or contact a local gay group and tell them your story. Ask them where you can meet young German gay guys for friends.

Your post sounds similar to one I made recently. You're not alone in what you're feeling.

 

yeah, i thin k im just gonna go chill at a lowkey gay cafe or something and see how it is. they say that usually at any gay establishment (be it a cafe or bar or club) theres lotsa magazines and newsletters that have information about gay happenings and gay youth groups, etc. etc. so yeah, ima look.

 

God...TreeFiddy...you just described a big part of my younger life !!!!

 

Nothing unusual about the frustration - in that you're not alone.

I was blessed as a youth, and I still am. But I imagine its terrible.

Desperation IS a turn-off. I don't know any one who is turned on by it. Just chill, and look like you don't care, as cute as you are, someone will find you!

 

Thing is, it does kinda make sense. I had an insane crush on a guy who I knew wasn't going to be interested back, and if he'd one day told me he felt the same way about me as I did about him, in explicit detail, even though I loved and longed for him, I probably would still be terrified.

 

Dylan, You're not alone.

Up until I went to school, I felt the exact same way. Being gay and a teenager sucks. There aren't very many opportunities for meeting other young gay men. However, there is definitely someone out there. Take advantage of the city your in, go to clubs/bars, just meet people, gay or straight. You'll find someone.

Good luck.

 

thanks guys.

 

Hm...I dunno, if I learned that the person I have feelings for had just as intense feelings for me, to every last obsessive detail...I would be pretty fucking happy. I suppose I'm alone on that one, though

 

Knowing it would be cool, but hearing it coming from their lips... I dunno. That's why I never told him how I felt (or at least, the extent of those feelings), because I figured it wasn't fair to him to lay that on him. Maybe I should've, who knows?

 

Hey Dylan,
don't know whether this is really going to be of any help to you, but I'm from Berlin too, have lived here as long as I can remember. I don't know what you're into and as I'm a girl I don't really know about any boy-specific places or organizations, but I have quite a lot of gay friends I could ask.
THE organization for queer youth in Berlin is Lambda (check out http://www.lambda-bb.de), they have different groups and generally people are really cool, I found lots of friends there.
Besides, in case you haven't done so yet, you should get the latest "siegessäule" (magazine), you can find them in any gay bar/club/other location etc. You can find practically everything gay going on in Berlin in there and it's free, too.
Where in Berlin do you live? And for how long have you been here/will you stay?
PM me if you want to talk or if you need more information.

Love,
Rain