Looked at FAQ before posting this..

..And i'm rather hesitant in revealing what i did once and the thoughts i had..No doubt some may have a good guess if i said its something most wouldn't forgive..I wanted to delete my account but found out it wasn't possible..Anyway, one clue is i did it cos it happened to me and i didn't care if it harmed anyone else..Only thing i can do now is just take this forum off my bookmarks and forget..Sometimes i just don't care, end up regretting what i did and then thinking why not?..this world is just a mess and there's no punishment when you die...only while you live and most of you would want me dead if i told you.

Maybe the best thing i can do is get banned like i have before in other forums.

Ciao!!

 

so wait..what?
i'm confused

your confessing to doing something so horrible that you desserve to be banned and shunned?
are you hoping for forgiveness or for punnishment?
i never read the faq so have no clue what terrible crimes ya may have done worthy of bannishment
but i doubt anyone heres gonna burn ya at the stake for mistakes of the past
admitance leads to forgiveness
so come on, fill in the blanks for us

 

It's not hard to figure out the worst things possible if you exclude murder.

Hey,its hard to actually come straight out with it and i'm sorry but its not easy to admit to it.I only told one person and she said i had to forgive myself. She was reigious though.

Forgiveness?..maybe cos i only did it once..Punishment?..ok, but make it a quick end if its the death penalty otherwise i'll just have to try doing it myself..again.

I only joined HiP the other night cos i was bored and couldn't sleep.

 

so we're talking rape or mollestation
both are a terrible thing to do for sure
but i sence you are punnishing yourself at every momment am i correct?
are you sorry for what you did and who you hurt and how it affected theyre life?
i glanced at your other posts and i feel like your truly suffering over this 1 momment in time where you really let yourself hurt someone

come out with it..sure its hard..but admitting the fault is the first step
then you have to beg not only her (or him) but yourself for forgiveness

ending your life accomplishes nothing does it? the pain you caused lives on.. but you can make restitution in ways
1 way is by sharing your story to help prevent others from making the same mistakes you did

 

I'm quite sure there isn't a single person on this whole forum who's done what i did..I did it when i was 15 and the person i did it to doesn't know cos they were too young..there!.you have it now..I cant tell that person, never!!...I'll add it didn't go any further than touching but thats bad enough i guess..ha!..here i go again..just thought "it doesn't matter when you consider what we really are and where we're going".

 

It's normal to do stupid shit when your young,I have like 2 friends that did a similar thing to you and they arent burning in hell, chill.

 

ok..i understand now

are you sure she wouldnt remember..i know someone who remembered being touched when she was still in diapers

but perhaps if it was just once she may not but still i think confessing to her and asking forgiveness is the right thing to do
but..on to you
have you admitted this to your therapists?
have you fully contemplated why you did it and saught to change that behavior

and lastly how many years have you tortured yourself

 

Benotfree and Souringeagle,
I still had the thoughts though and they come back when i feel down..I've never had a real relationship and i only just lost my virginity when i was 37.

I used to have my friends daughter wanna use my pc and chat to her friends buut i stopped it and i ven told her mum what i did when i was younger..I don't think just got what i was saying cos she said she trusted me..Anyway..i'm better off on my own in my room i mean..i live with my parents still..lol.

I just focus on a free virtual gambling site,certain plants,tropical fish and a slight interest in a camera site and downloading films..no, not those kinds but horror..haha..not that the adult stop doesn't interest me..id be a total lier if i said it didnt.

 

sorry souring,

I forgot to add, i didnt tell anyone except a bunch of christians in a religious forum and one woman online..oh, and that woman who lives on my block with her daughter..I'm sure i didnt explain it her fully though but i hope she got my drift..I dont believe in therapy..i was in Springfields Psychiatric hospital for almost 6 months..There because i overdosed on anti-depressants.

 

would you ever do that again if you had the opportunity..or would you stop yourself

do you trust yourself to never make that mistake again?

 

theres therapy and theres therapy

od'ing and trying to off yourselff will land ya in the negative kind
in a padded cell medicated till you feel nothing

i dont mean that kind but the type of therapy we're doing right now. talking, exploring how you felt and feel getting past what you've done and finding a way to go on living

 

I have to say that i had thoughts but never took them as far i did when i was 15..close encounters happened though but i never had the heart or guts to take things a step further..I look at myself with disgust one day then the next i'd say what the fuck, maybe i should shag a horse or something just to add to my pathetic life.

We only make these rules up because we think we're somehow superior and know better than the rest of the animal kingdom..truth is, we're just animals with cloths on. Luckily for most women and others i kept mine on all this time.

 

Morals Are Manmade To Keep Us In Some Kind Of Order

 

can you right now... you say you only did it once antd i truly believe that... but..in your heart..and openly here right now apologize to that girl through every other girl thats ever happened to....i feeel how bad you feel and how much you pinish yourself...can you say your sorry now to her...
apoloogizing now will no only be powerful to you but to every girl this has ever happened to....look...it happens way too much...but u r not alone odviosly... way way way too many men have done it...thank god you had heart to feel what youve done... now have heart enough to live on .. just being so sorry gives me hope that some day things will change and these things will happen no more...

 

are you sininabin?

have you posted b4 as that?

 

sorry was typin slow while u typed that and got lost

i feel like we discussed this b4

 

You know,
I don't think i'll actually do something like that "physically" ever again..As long as i keep my thoughts to my hobbies and not blame everyone else cos i was touched and not feel sorry for my never having a real g/f then i'll be ok..I haven't hardly worked since my days in the springfield..that was in 1994..since then i've done a few things like go to the US once but most of the last 12 yrs have been in my room..I was volunteering at Oxfam for the last 2 yrs but left about 2 months ok..

Anyway ta for the chat.

 

sinnabin?..nope..i'm Simon and the last part of my name is just a joke.i was a Doors fan.

This is is the first time i have registered with this site.

 

are we not men?
yes men are just animals.. but we created them to keep us in some kind of order...exactly.... you know what moral means... and your trying to keep yourself in order... man your 40...and with everything youve said you havent suaght real therapy ..
your realy having trouble dealing with what youve done ya need a lil pro help..