What do you think about sexual classism? What I mean by that is what do you think about people who are sexually impoverished, so to speak, that for whatever reason, never get to fully experience the wonderful world of sex/relationships? My question is what do you think of this social/sexual system? The reason I ask is because all my life, I've basically felt like an outsider looking into this wonderful world of sexuality that I'll never really get to know. Im almost 19 now, and I've had one serious girlfriend in my entire life and shes the only one I have ever had sex with, and now she's gone. Since then, about a year and a hlaf ago now, no girl has shown barely any interest in me, at least not very much. Part of this reason is that I know Im definitly not one of the most physically attractive people, but lately, ever since my ex, who I was very in love with, didnt love me back, I feel like I've even lost the little bit of personality appeal I might've had. Everyone of my friends and everyone in my life tells me to just move on, but it's just not that simple. Life does not just go on. And I'm scared that I'll end up alone for the rest of my life, unable to get over this, and never getting to experience sex/relationships again. I think that to be trapped in the sexual underclass, to be one of the sexually impoverished, is about one of the worst things in the world. Im not talking about people who choose to be celibate, because choosing celibacy is just as liberating as choosing sexuality, as long as it is a free choice, Im talking about people who want to have sex, but are just not attractive to anyone and spend their entire lives alone because of it. I think that everyone knows someone like this, the person who may be a genuinely nice and caring person, but for whatever reason just can't find someone, and spends their life alone, never experiencing what (in my admittedly limited experience) is the greatest thing that life has to offer human beings. I think its interesting that in ancient societies, sex was actually considered to be one of the most vital spiritual experiences in a persons life. Priests and priestesses were also known as temple prostitutes because they would actually have sex with their followers. Today, this idea is almost entirely lost, and many people go through their entire lives missing this crucial ingredient for a happy, satisfying, meaningful life. Some of my friends have even tried to tell me Im lucky because i dont have to deal with all the bullshit that comes along with a relationship. I couldnt disagree with this more. I would relish the opportunity to have to deal with even the bullshit part of a relationship again. I have never felt half as alive as I did when I was with her, not before then, and certaintly not since. Can anyone identify with what Im saying? does anyone ever feel the same way?
I think you're being ridiculous and excessively melodramatic. So you can't get laid while you're still hung up on your ex? Surprise, surprise, surprise. Take some time to yourself, work on your personal interests and building your friendships (not assuming that friendships with women will ever become physical). Then, you will eventually meet someone. Insinuating that your inability to get laid right now in any way compares to class inequalities that still exist throughout the world -- I find that beyond ridiculous into the realm of the intellectually insulting.
Don't be overly dramatic. I was interested in the nicest guy but he was so introverted even though I could tell he liked me I ran because his self-esteem was so low and that's a trigger for girls to stay away...he got insecure because I wouldn't let him feel me up on our first date and thought all of a sudden that I would hurt him...totally weirded me out. So get normal and then look for somone to complement who you already are. good luck
Truth is you're not going to meet anyone while you're still interested in, or not ove r your ex. Involve yourself in other things, hobbies, etc, and you'll meet someone eventually. While you're out there searching for someone, you won't find them. I used to feel like I'd never meet anyone, but now, I have, so I say, keep travellin' along your journey, do what you want to , go away on a trip to somewhere you've always wanted to do, live your dreams, and you'll meet someone when you're ready too and are truly over your ex / your past. Here's hope that helps and good luck
well personal experience: About 21 months ago..I did meet someone while still interested in my ex...In other words, a rebound..not saying its good, it is not...but it does happen. But it did not last. so my point is, you won't meet anyone worthwhile while in your current mindframe (orginal poster) It was pointless to mention that as I am in a happy relationship coming up on 6 months, after 15 (or so) months of being single. But I mention that because it is perfectly normal to be single for long periods of time (over a year)..call it a rut..or call it a time for spirtual growth and getting to know yourself and love yourself instead of being sappy and self loathing. you seem to be a very intelligent person and some girls find the mind to be very attractive and sexy. a lot of girls in the long run aren't as interested in physical apperance as they are in a confident, caring intelligent supportive man.
Thank you all sincerely for your replies, I really appreciate your comments. "Insinuating that your inability to get laid right now in any way compares to class inequalities that still exist throughout the world -- I find that beyond ridiculous into the realm of the intellectually insulting." dawn_sky, it is not only my inability to get laid that I am referring to when I speak of sexual classism. It is something that extends to everyone, and is really not so disimilar from economic classism. There actually are loosely defined classes when it comes to sex appeal, all though they are not as rigid or clearly defined as economic boundaries of the same nature. Basically, I would say that there are at least 4 main classes, the first being people who are both physically sexy and have attractive personalities, the second being people who are physically sexy, but have bland personalities or are uninteligent/assholes, the third being people who may not be the most physically sexy, but are still attractive because of their charisma, sense of humor, insightfulness, etc, and the fourth being people who are, generally speaking, not attractive at all. Now, of course these are not clearly defined classes, and everyone does ultimately decide on these things for themselves on an individual basis, but generally speaking, there are certain traits which are generally considered attractive or unnattractive to the majority of people. This creates a certain kind of sexual classism. People who are both physically and emotionally/socially attractive and can find a partner whenever they want, are naturally seen as more desirable to an outside observer, because, believe it or not, when people see that a person is desirable to others, they will think of them as more "sexually valuable", so to speak. Even if it's on a subconscious level, seeing that they are desirable to others increases their desirability in the eyes of many outside observers. It also increases their confidence in themselves to see that they are desired by others, which in turn also makes them sexier to others. Its part of our biologicl/psychological make up. Of course, someone who is not naturally attracted to them anyway is not likely to have their opinion altered simply because they see them with someone else, but generally speaking, people who are born with an attractive physique have a much easier time increasing their sexual value in the eyes of others, just as people born wealthy have economic opportunities that are not available to everyone else. Because they are desirable to others, their desirability increases itself exponentially, as does the wealth of the imperialistic plutocracies of the world. On the opposite end of the spectrum, sexual poverty is also a self perpetuating cylce, as is economic poverty. the sexually impoverished have a much harder time climbing above the pit of sexual poverty because they have a much harder time gaining the confidence necessary to become sexy in the eyes of others, especially if they have lived the majority, or all of their lives without being in a relationship, or even getting any sexual attention from the opposite sex. If there is no one who ever seems interested in them, what seed is there for confidence to grow from? Of course, it is possible to build confidence through other things, such as academic/intellectual/athletic pursuits, and transfer that to sex appeal, but it's difficult. The longer one goes without ever having a relationship or even some kind of interest from the opposite sex, the harder it is to believe that you'll ever find someone, which leads to desperation, which nobody finds attractive, and continues the cycle of low self esteem, loneliness, etc. Of course, they also just might find someone who doesnt care that they arent that physically attractive or if they have a lot of confidence, and just loves them for who they are, just as an economically impoverished person just might win the lottery. It is really not so different from economic classism when you look at it. There are lots of parallels you can draw between economic classism and sexual classism. For example, the sexually impoverished who feed into the sexual wealth of the attractive people by also desiring them, similar to how plutocratic empires deal with third world countries, or how corporations in the first world feed on the lower and middle classes for laborers and consumers. I think most people know someone, or have known someone, who exemplifies both ends of this spectrum. The quiet, introspective person, who might be a caring and interesting individual, but just doesn't have the confidence necessary to find a relationship, or even a one night stand. Or the confident guy who gets with lots of girls, even stealing (don't take this too literally, i do not think of women as property, but this is the best word i can think of for what im trying to say) the ones his quiet, introspective friends are interested in and throwing them away when hes done with no concern for anyone elses feelings. But, maybe thats just me, which would explain why you found my post so intellectually insulting. As for being ridiculous and melodramatic, I suppose you are correct. I have no defense for that. Its just how I feel. lynsey, sorry to hear that you date ended badly. If you ask me, he definitly overreacted and will certainly regret it. But, on behalf of myself and all the other guys out there with relatively low self esteem, we are not all like that, please don't write us all off because of this guys ridiculous reaction. Gypsy girl, congratulations on finding someone. Hopefully one day, I will too and be able to look back on this part of my life as the distant past. But I dont know if Ill ever completely lose interest in my ex. I know its melodramatic, but she is still very much a part of my day to day life, even now, and Im almost sure if I ever do meet another girl, Ill end up comparing her to my ex in some way, even if its subconscious. Carlfloydfan, congratulations on finding someone as well. even though it is normal to be single for long periods of time, it is still painful to see everyone else living their life with someone they love while Im still alone and wanting to share my life with someone else, but hopefully i will get that chance again someday. Thank you all for listening.
I do see what you are saying about the different classes. That in no way will determine when you find the someone that you can spend the rest of your life with unless you are purposely avoiding some "classes" of women. Your 19, you haven't even got to the point in your life where the girls your age are comfortable with sex. Just relax, put yourself out there and look for someone you shares your wants and desires. These things have a way of completely reversing themselves quickly.
No one starts out on the top of the sexual pyramidd (so to speak) and we have all done our time at the bottom. Being a sexually diverse person comes from experience, and anyone can expand on their knowledge at any stage in their life. It keeps things interesting. If you want to be less sexaully impoverished then I would suggest looking inside yourself to see what it is you really want. As for looks, some of the most sexually aware people that I know are overweight, and not great looking. What they are is comfortable with who they are as a sexual being. You are seeking something that you have not yet earned, but one day you might. If you live your life to be one of the "sexual upper-class" you cannot have a "poor me" attitude. Instead why not master a skill....become a great romantic, an intellectual, a great lover. Women do not tend to gravitate towards men with security issues, so become comfortable with who you are and change what YOU dislike.
ehhh...it happens. love is a feeling thats has so much power when presented to you and when its gone, i think it sucks some "power" that you have. you just have to refind it in any way shape or form. for a while, i wouldnt even look at another guy or want any relationships with anyone. i think im still like that a little but it isnt as bad as it once was....its been a year since my heart was broken but i like to think im still improving...slowly but making some progress.
