Um...I'm a little confused now

well here's the story, About five weeks ago I was sitting alone at home just sitting there stoned thinking like I normally do when no one is there to talk to (Amanda was at work). As I sat there, I started to think about what it would be like to be in a relationship with another man. I started to think about my gay friends and how happy they looked when they were with thier boyfriends. I thought, "Oh this is just normal stoned mind wandering. Nothing to think too much about," but as the weeks went on, and I spent more time trying to get these thoughts out of my mind (they are not normal for me to have) I couldn't. For five weeks now, exactly five weeks as a matter of fact being that today is friday, I have had these thoughts. I love Amanda, we are going to get married (see another post..forgot to update it we are having the wedding in three weeks, ), but I have no explanation for these other thoughts. It's not like I am thinking about a specific guy or thinking about cheating, just about the possibility of a relationship. I don't want to leave Amanda, maybe it's just pre-marriage jitters but this has carried on for too long, and started before we made the decision so I don't know what this is. Sorry to keep going, but I just cant express this right. let s just say this, I love Amanda with all my heart, she's hopefully the only one I will, but I keep thinking I'd be happy with another guy. Not happier, but happy. Am I gay, bi, or what? I don't know what to think, or if I should tell her. We've always been open about sex, even swinging a few times, but never with the same sex. I think she would be open to me being bi, but...who knows. Why would these have to pick now of all times to come to light, but they did and it's time for me to deal with the possiblity. I know seriousness like this is not always welcome on a good feelings forum but if any of you have any advice I'd really appriciate it. Thanks

Peace, love, and health,

Al

 

well unless I have missed anything you've not mentioned one thing about being sexually attracted to men, and that would be the factor for me in thinking that you may have some homosexual tendanicies.
I think its quite normal for people to reflect on other peoples relationships and how they work or don't as the case may be.

I often think about straight relationships and ponder how I would be in one, but that doesn't make me any more straight or any less gay.

so I wouldn't worry about it, what I would do is tell your partner about what went through your mind maybe have her read this thread, I think no secrets is a good policy and should you have worries about this in the future it won't come as such a shock to her
S

 

Are you attracted to men? or Do you like men? No? so you are not gay or bi.

Your problem I think, has something to do with "I spent more time trying to get these
thoughts out of my mind". The more you try, the deeper those thoughts remain in your brain.

What I suggest is to find someone to talk to. Someone who is really open.. your Amanda would be the best if she is open to these things, or your gay friends..you do have some gay friends! Talk to them. The moment you talk, you'll release the tension.
Its no big deal..Just take it easy!

 

the most important thing is that you are honest and open with whoever youre with- guy or guy, straight or gay relationship. so let her knwo these feelings, even if you arent sure yourself about them. if you are considering spending your whole life with her,m then you should be able to have these types of open conversations.

but yeah, have you ever felt sexually attracted at all to another guy? because, sex IS a part of a relationship. im gay, but i many times feel like i should just date my best friend Joy, because we are so fucking close, and so open and would be perfect for eachother if i wasnt gay (we dated for over a year)...but while i was dating her, i realized i had no sexual attraction, and yes, sex is part of life and if i coudlnt share that part of life with her, someone id be spending my whole life with, then what would i do? would i be like "oooh, hold on! i love you and all, but...im going to go release my sexual tendancies with another guy?" so yeah, sex is a part of love (but of course lust can be mistaken for love sometimes). and its not possible to have that type of relationship wihtout the sex part (sooner of later, im not saying...well, i think you understnad what i mean).

so yeah, aside from the emotional side, do you think you are at all sexually attracted to other men, or that you could possibly (i know it seems weird admitting it at first, when i first came out i couldnt believe that i would one day be making out with another guy and other things..., but you gotta not let your ego get in the way of you being true to yourself) have sex with another guy, or kiss, or whatever? (ther ARE some gay couples who dont have sex, only kissing and everything else, but not sex...that must suck..haha).

yeah, what great timing to be feeling this way about your sexuality, haha. but also, youre 19 man? and your getting married? wow, thats young, thats like me being married in two years...i cant imagine that...but im sure you are confident in your relationshpi with her. but maybe you should slow down a bit (i dunno how long youve been together, so please dont take that offensively), and think about things more. i dunno, whatever you think is best. if you really think the whole gay, or bi thing is a possibility, then yeah, i think you should take time to explore that. its better than geting married and being tempted to cheat on your wife. you have so much time to get married, youre only 19 man! if you think you could enjoy being with a guy, then try it out! dont close any doors...you could very well NOT enjoy being with a guy, but then atleast youll know what you want for sure...i dated girls before i realized i was gay. and dating girls helped me realize that. so it can work the other way around...you could date a guy or two and that could show you youre straight...or that you go both ways, or that youre gay.

ok, this is getting epic. but i hope i wasnt confusing and that i helped. if you need someone to talk ta about your feelings you can PM me.
cheers,
dylan

 

Thank you all for your help and advice. I guess I should have made my thought clearer, when I say relationships I do assume sex to be included. I'm sorry I probally should have indicated that when I first posted. So I guess yeah I could see myself in a sexual relationship with another man. Again thank you, each and everyone of you, I really appriciate your advice. Hopefully this post will clear up any questions. Also I was thinking today, maybe its just the environment I put myself in. Most, actually almost all, of my friends are gay or bisexual..I think I have one straight friend maybe. Do you think this could have just been because of who I surround myself with. Not saying I'm going to drop my friends at all, but maybe that could have sparked these thoughts....being constantly surrounded by people who are homosexuals? Hmm..just a thought I just had..any psychologists in the house? lol.

Peace, love, and health,

Al

 

im no pschologist, but i dunno, i dont think that being surrounded by other gays would make you falsely believe you could have feelings for another guy. if anything, that fact woudl probbaly make you more comfrotable with the feelings you had, and make you perhaps more willing to explore them. my best friend is straight, and were almost always around eachother, but i dont think that that has caused him to ever think he wnated a relationshp with a guy (were close, he woulda brought it up, hes i guess like you and doenst let his ego in the way).

wow...my english is weird sometimes, shit. haha...i guess it happens when all youve spoken for 3 weeks is german...haha

anywho, good luck with trying to figure it all out. just give it time and patience, and try to keep your mind open.

cheers and mcuh love,
dylan

 

sooooooooo, howd the convo go?

 

Ok...it went very well. She actually told me that she would like to try having sex with a woman (a BIG shocker..maybe everyone has urges like these sometimes in life). I was not expecting a curve ball like that so I was kind of taken aback. Then we continued to talk about our thoughts and how we felt about them. It went on probally for a good two hours or more, just sitting there talking....then we decided to actually try it, hopefully soon. I guess I'll know soon if I'm bi or straight. Hopefully we can find someone open enough to try this with us b/c i guess it's something she has been thinking about trying for quite some time, she just didn't know how to ask me...it was one of those just weird situations that just happened to work itself out. I would have never expected her to have urges like mine, or to even have thoughts like mine (truthfully I thought she was a little homophobic...guess I was off on that one) The conversation was really releiving I guess, it got a lot of what was on our minds out in the open..kinda taking the weight off your back. After the convo life went back to normal for the rest of the night...I played bass she played drums...practice as usual. I don't know how this happened this way, but I really really feel much better knowing she's as open about her sexuality and urges as I hope to become. Thanks to each one of you for your encouragement and help along the way...without your guy's help I don't think I would have talked to her...I don't know I guess sometimes you need a push to get up and going. You are all wonderful people and I love each and everyone of you. Thank you all again..and I guess I"ll try and keep you posted as to where this goes from here. Hmm..but I really didn't expect this to work out or go like it did. Maybe everyone is a little bit gay (I know there was a poll around here somewhere like that) and this just confirms it? Who knows...anyway I can't thank you enough...even just the words encouraging me to talk to her helped a ton..thanks one last time.

Peace, love, and health,

Al

 

awesome! im so glad it worked out well for you! you must feel much better now, and now you can explore those feelings that you are unsure of. who knows whatll happen from here, but atleast you guys know that you accept eachother for what you are- shes accepts those feelings of yours, and you accept hers.

so shes gonna find some hot chick and move to MA and marry her, and youre gonna find some cool hippy dude and move to amsterdam and marry him.

haha jk. but anywho, good luck! maybe one of your many gay freinds would be willing to "help you out" hehe. just pick out the hottest one. ;-)
haha jk, again.
im out. let me know hwat happens!
cheers and love,
dylan

 

Well, actually I did ask one of my friends if he would mind "fooling" around a little with me...he says he's open to it and that he'd rather have my first experience be with him, someone I know and trust, then a random guy I met at a bar or club. I think we are going to try getting together sometime this week...he's in cali right now for school but is flying down here tuesday to hang out and shit for a few weeks. I'm really hoping that this goes well..I've know this kid since pre-k so we have been through everything...the others I just didn't really feel comfortable and I feel it would have hurt the realtionships (akward feelings) if I did ask them. I can trust this other kid. I really hope it goes well..I'm sure I'll feel akward at first but I'm hoping that as we progress maybe I'll loosen up and beable to enjoy it. I guess admitting that I'm probally going to be making out, kissing, and who knows what else with someone of the same sex makes me feel a little weird...but I really wouldn't expect anyother feelings...it's just like riding a bike for the first time your going to be a little nervous. I guess I'll post in here the results of that...

Also Amanda is having a girlfriend of hers come over too...like I said before we swing so I think we are going to try this in the same room..that's not too akward just that this time we are not having sex with people of the opposite sex so I guess it's a "little" different...I hate to admit it but I'm kind of looking forward to watching amanda with this other girl..lol...maybe she's thinking the same (but I think I'll play it safe and keep those thoughts to myself lol ) I really hope I do like this, having both worlds to mess around with would be awsome...and being that we do have sex with different people/couples regulary this will really open up the "market" and allow for some truly exciting times . Lets hope this goes over well....

Peace, love, and health,

Al

 

haha.
sounds like youll have a good time.
yeah, youll prolly feel nervous at first.
my first time kissing a guy was with my bestfirends wrestler boyfriend. she arranged it. and the three of us were in my room, and during all the silences in convo, it wa slike "that guy wants to kiss me...im gonna kiss him." but i didnt make any move. and we made eye contact a time or two and it was so weird. and then his girlfriend nudged him, and he jumped onto my bed next to me and laid down...and then things progressed. and every second before we starting kissing wa slike "wtf hes a guy"...its sad to think that i once felt that it was so weird to do that. but now its normal. hehe

anywho,
viel Spaß! (much fun! in german),
Dylan

 

good luck Al, I hope it works out for you.