What Age to Discuss Sex With Kids?

I was just wondering at what age some of you parents discussed the "facts of life" with your kids?? What age is appropriate. I don't want to discuss sex with them too early, however, I don't want them getting the important facts from their friends either.

My daughter is eight and she is starting to ask innocent questions, which I answer truthfully. However, I have yet to tell her about the graphic stuff ("penis goes into the vagina....." etc.). I think she would totally freak out at this age.

Any thoughts/experiences/suggestions??


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im not a parent, but i would have appreciated it if my mtoher started talking to me about it when i got my period. i didnt know that i could have had a baby when i was thinknig of sex with my ex. and i was also having my periods too. i needed to be informed as soon as i started menstrating.

as for a boy, the second you think any single girl might fall for him (come on your his mother) then you have to move in and start explaining. if you havent done it by 13, then talk to him regardless. i had sex when i was barely 14. they can do it ealier than you think.

 

its hard to say...id maybe give her the basics as soon as shes curious...

and by time shes a freshman in high school she should basically know it all, from you or school or friends, but if she doesnt shes more likely to get in way over her head

 

the younger the better

 

I believe in being open and honest about it. My boy is 4, so I've got a few years yet, but I will never shy away from any question he asks.

I learned everything from a neighbor girl when I was 6! Fortunately her info was pretty accurate.

 

I don't think it should be one "Big Talk." That is too much. My kids learned about sex and procreation from starting from toddlers seeing me pregnant, or seeing pregnant friends, and going from there. When Sunshine was a toddler, she knew, "Mama and Papa loved each other and started me together in Mama's body." There was never any revelations, just building on what they already knew.

Sage is four and knows a mama and papa make a baby together in bed. The details will come later when she asks more detailed questions. She knows womyn have Yonis and men have Penises and "beans" (as she calls them) and that they are involved in baby making, as well as Yonis being involved in babies being born.

If you take it a little at a time, there is never an awkward moment, as it is slow and only answers what the child wants to know at that age.

You don't have to start with "the penis goes in" ect. Talk about love and people in love wanting to touch each other in a special way and how that evetually leads to a baby being made. Get a copy of Our Bodies Ourselves and show her what men and womyn's bodies look like. The internal diagrams are also very helpful. But read it with her, don't just hand her the book.

A Child is Born is also a great facts of life visual aid.

 

In Germany, children learn about it in second grade at school (so with 7 or 8). There are lovely childrens' books and film about the topic we watched and read. It was only some years later the whole thing started to be "embarrassing".

 

I'm not a parent yet, but I can tell about my own personal experience with that. I started hearing about that stuff at school in very early elementary school. Something you need to remember is that no matter what age you talk to your daughter about it, some kids at her school are bound to know about it before your child. Some parents will tell earlier or kids may find out some other way, but the info is there even at your daughter's age. Unfortunatly, I think the kids I heard about it from were being sexually abused. Your daughter may be around children who have had the same thing happen, it happens to too many children. If I were you I'd want to give her information before she learns it from other kids.

My grandmother gave me some books about menstruation, masturbation, etc when I was about 11 and that was good because I started going through puberty soon after that. I also remember looking up 'sex' in our encyclopedia and reading about it around that time. And we had sex ed at school after I'd already gone through puberty, so it wasn't much help other than learning about the male reproductive system. My mother didn't talk to me about sex until I was 14 and already sexually active. And when she did talk to me she basically just said, "Don't do it or you'll be in big trouble." And of course, I didn't listen to her.
If your daughter is like I was and likes to read, I think books are a good way to go at her age. The books my grandmother gave me taught me the most. And I could reread them when I had questions. And I think I absorbed the information more because there wasn't the embarrassment of talking to my family about it. I would also suggest talking to her more about sex and birth control when she's around 12 or 13. Try not to make it seem like an awful thing she shouldn't do. Just be honest and explain the good and bad of it all.
People are being sexually active at a very young age these days, so don't be scared to give her information or talk to her. And good luck!

 

Girls seem to mature faster than boys this is true.... and it all depends on the child itself on how mature it is.... My son is right at that age.... Keep us posted.... I am thinking of going to the library and maybe getting some books on it to help??? Is that a good idea or just talk with the child directly??? Which is better???

 

Preshchool children need to know:
`Names of genitals
`reproduction happens when a sperm from am man meets an egg form a woman
`a baby grown in a uterus
`A baby is born through a vagina

School age kids need to know:
`The difference between digestive and reproductive organs
`Changes that happen durring puberty
`reproduction happens durring sexual intercourse
`Basics about masterbation or nocternal emissions/ejaculations

Normal sexual activity for preschoolers:
`Sexual sensations
`Will arange situations to kiss/ lay in bed together/ say they are going to marry people
`Talk about having a baby in pretend play/baby play
`masterbation is normal
`touch each other
`have very little inhabitions

Normal sexual behavior of school age kids:
`Mor inhibited bahaviors ( wanting to go to the bathroom alone etc)
`tell sexualy oriented jokes...or joke about body parts etc
`act out dating behaviors
`sexual exploration of the same sex..investigating
`become fearful of body changes

Children want to know:
`make your answers to kids questions present tense and egocentric. Kids are in the here and now and don't comprehend it any otehr way as well. Children are intrested in "will it affect ME" they are egocentric. And they want and need to know what is real and important.

Having books around is a very good idea. Pictures raise questions. Even with very young children having books..even picture books about families with pregnant mothers alowes children to ask questions. In school aged kids its good to have books around about things that are happening to the body durring puberty

 

my daughter is almost 5 and has known about reproduction for a while now.

when i was pregnant and people would aks if mom had a baby in her tummy, she would tell them "no it is in her uterus." which would blow some people away. i even got nasty stares from some.
But my parents never talked to me about that stuff. i learned it from school. and they wouldn't let me stay in health class when they talked about birth control. (i got preggers at 17 ;0) i honestly didn't know how to use a condom until i was 21!!! it was embarrassing to me because that is what my parents made it out to be.
-sweetpeace

 

Great advice everyone! Thanks for your input on this. Books sound like a good way to visually show her things so she'll understand better. And with my words of "wisdom" I believe it will be a special time for us when I discuss it with her.

 

i dont have kids, but i kno what my parents did. when i was lil, there was a book lyin around at my house. it was a great book about sexuality where everythin was explained with normal words and simple drawings, and of course i went thru the book out of curiosity, and i never had to ask anything to my parents. i honestly dunno if they left the book there on purpose (altho, it seems obvious that they did) i never had to ask them for anything, and im sure that made it simpler for them.

i always thought id do the same for my future kids. makes things way simpler yea

 

Well, read the books first to make sure they are accurate and don't make value judgments you don't agree with. DO NOT just give a child a book, or heaven forbid, "leave on lying around" for them to find. Kids have LOTS of questions, and YOU need to be present to do that. Don't do it all at once, introduce things as your child asks. I think parents need to be present for ALL of parenting, especially explaining love and sex.

 

I can't remember a specific point when I learnt. Must have just been as I went along, my parents have aways been cool with answering questions.


At school we had a lesson age nine about the biology of reproduction, then age eleven about sex in itself, then more at fourteen about general stuff like always using condoms (with the most hilarious video)

My parents got my brother and I couple of books we dipped into when we felt like it, I learn a lot from magazines and such too.
I actually felt quite empowered learning for myself. I like the dissassociation from my parents, as it's an aspect of my life they shouldn't really be part of.

I think the appropriate age is when the child wants to know, to the degree they can understand and want to know.

 

Wow, that's right on the money, I will have to reember all this.... my kids are 2 and 3. I now answer there questions as they come. And have talked about the difference between boys and girls... My goal is that when they get older, that they will be able to come to me with anything, and know that I will talk about it with them