Get the fuck over me

and spend your energy in your current situation. Have you ever really felt like saying that to somone? How did you drive the point home? Maybe the above catch phrase was an appropriatte way to do it...because i am out of ideas!

 

i'd suggest ignoring them... if they're actually stalking you, calling your house at all times of the day, emailing you, showing up at your work after you've asked them not to i'd block them, let other ppl know, maybe get a restraining order if it's that serious. but if it's a normal thing, occassional phone calls or emails to see how you're doing, (depending on how recent the breakup is these could be emotional or not) be polite and short. rudness just makes the emotion worse for the other person. but just move on and be normal... eventually they'll get the hint and leave you alone. that being said, sometimes it takes a long time to get over somebody, especially if the relationship ended badly... regrets and guilt about what happened, what he/she might have said or done, unresolved issues, etc...

anyway, that was really long... in short, i'd politely ignore the ex and hope he goes away, but i've never had a huge problem with this.

 

not serious. After being assertive and telling him to no longer email me he complied after a couple tries but now I discover he has found another outlet to talk about me every chance he gets. I just wish he would stop because I found so much peace that he was content and wish he could have stayed that way. You know when you just really want somone out of your life 100 percent and they won't let that happen. I would prefer me to no longer exist in this person's head and he won't let it happen.-this is me putting it nicely

 

is he like posting in a blog or something about you? maybe just ask him ncely to not even mention you anywhere publicaly where u might see it..u ofcourse cant stop him from talkin bout u to freinds but publicaly can be considered harrassment
how long have u been apart?
maybe just say look, its not healthy for either of us that u wont let go & stop talking about me so pleasre, just dont..at least not publicaly..if you cant deal withthe breakup, go talk to a therapist

 

that pretty much sums it up.Thank you for the advice. I just really want him to be happy and for my life to remain my buisness.

 

exactly..& if u point out the fact that he'll be happier once he lets go...maybe he'll get the hint
right now hes just torturing himself

but then again who hasnt done that before

 

that's what i told him and i thought it solved things. what you said was very kind and exactly how he needs to think. Thank you very much for your responses

 

anytime glad it helped
good luck

 

I think you're being really unreasonable. If for some reason this guy was in love with you, you can't force him to get over it right away. And holy fuck, if he's got another outlet then can't you just ignore that outlet?

I think it's really selfish to start demanding that someone stop thinking about you... especially when it seems to be only for the sake of your own peace of mind. You're not even thinking about him at all... or you're just being mean. Plus, what you're saying is really stupid, because it's just not going to work. It's like telling yourself to forget about anything else-- you end up forcing it into the front of your mind even more.

I guess if he's spreading rumours or being malicious or something then you have a right to demand he stop, but if he's just talking about how much he cared or how much he liked you for some reason, then what's the big deal? He'll get over it when he meets someone else--or when he wants to get over it.

Maybe I've got the situation wrong, but it seems like you're making demands that you shouldn't be making.

 

morally he should be devoting his brain to his new relationship. morally he should be leaving me alone like i requested. i had everyright to request that. i should also not have my sex life spilled all over the internet unless I am the one writting it. It's wrong, immature and yeah he needs to get me out of his head.

 

thanks I need it. let's hope the point is made clear and that ego's and tempers are put asside.

 

Fair enough.

 

lets hope
well the point being made clear is up to you..but he'll just have to listen & respect it
as far as egos & tempers..they can always cause probs..dont expect miracles but demand progress..if u see no improvement u may have to cut the cord

 

I already left this site for a few weeks thinking that would do it. I came back because I saw that he was gone and was like ahhh good I have my outlet again and then I am reading a thread and see something explicit about me today (of course he hops on as soon as im back) and I am pissed beyond belief. I understand people need closure but jesus christ this is ridculous.

 

okay now i know what you're talking about. i've read some of his posts lately and from what i've read he's not the type to completely ignore a part of his life and himself. he never mentioned your name and only ppl who know your history would think he was talking about you in any of his posts. it seems to me that his world does not revolve around you, being with you was a learning experience and he's allowed to talk about that on here, or anywhere. especially if he's not saying who or when or anything like that. he seems very happy and very in love right now, and not everybody can do a 360 and pretend a year or more of their life with somebody never happened, but as far as i remember you were both members on here before you dated and to expect him to be the one to give up this site so that you can say whatever you want is childish. if you want to be completely anonymous, change your screen name, but don't expect him to. in my opinion, you making this thread is crossing the line more than any of the posts he has written lately, because you have now made it abundantly clear who you are talking about. if you can't deal with reading posts about yourself, then don't. put him on your ignore list, or leave hipforums altogether.

 

I am so glad he is in love and happy-everyone deserves to be. And if he learned things about himself that's huge-a great growing experience. But I also deserve my privacy and do not need my sexual history being brought up on here. It's very insensitive. Especially when I promised not to mention the past on here- I expected the same in return-that's all. just a little respect and consideration and no lurking thoughts of me.

 

thank you tiger - you actually get it

Lysney, and I will address you here because you are calling me out in this thread. This honestly isn't about closure or whatever you claim it to be here in this thread. The fact is that yes, you and I were together for a long time. It was tumultous relationship, a lot of pain for the both of us, but I learned from it and honestly am grateful for that. You taught me a lot in our time together and made me a better person in alot of ways. I'm very much grateful for that - thank you. You say you want me out of your life and that's fine - the feeling is mutual, but why should I be the one to bow out of this place? Why should you be free to roam here and say what you please about your life, including negative things about me, yet I'm supposed to move along and stay away?

I stopped coming here because I didn't want 'this'. You bashing me and creating drama. That being said, I was a member here for several years prior to meeting you. I've developed relationships on here that have remained in tact for a long time - ones that I cherish dearly and this is a way of communicating with them. More importantly, I value these forums as they are a good sounding board for me, its very much therepuetic. I can speak about whatever I like here, ask for advice, read other peoples thoughts on similar topics I'm interested in.

There's a certain 'home' feeling I have here, having been my primary internet 'blog' type place for nearly five years. Yes, lately I talk alot about relationships. I'm in a very good one and because of that, perhaps I'm just very excited about being in the one that I feel is right for me and slightly obsessed with talking about relationships because of it - what is working for me now and what didn't work in the past towards other peoples questions.

I guess that's what will always keep me coming back here - learning. Through my interactions with others and reading about their experiences - I learn for myself.

The fact is that I rarely spend anytime here at all anymore because I am very much focused on the good fortune I share with Jess everyday. You say I need to focus more on that, well, its fairly obvious that I do focus a huge person of my energy towards here. It just so happens that she's out of town for the next four nights and I'm a bit bored around the house and its nice just to be me and 'release' on here about the positives and negatives of my life.

If the things I say are insulting you in anyway, than I appologize.

 

Today you talking about my sex life was my breaking point. Your message I ignored, the second one I asked you to never mention me on here or contact me again-we had a deal you broke that deal today. I would be glad to post your pm and message if you honestly forgot.


I asked you so many times to not mention me-I sat quietley, waited patienently because I know you are somone who needs closure but it's getting old and I'm getting sick of being slandered.

I feel like holding you publicly accountable now for not discussing my past (whether it includes you or not) is the only way I can really ensure that you will no longer violate me.

I honestly am happy for you, I had no idea that that was your type and can see why you felt so insecure before now. so be secure enough now to let the past go-for good by no longer mentioning me

I think it would be such a healthy move for both of us

 

And since you did forget this is when I finally responded to you and tried to in a nicer way ask you to not mention me. Hope it resignates with you and reminds you what i need and want-and that's a clean break. You're the one who told me you weren't coming here anymore...I waited until I thought that was true. Like I said come here-fine, just don't mention me. In my mind it's a little idsturbing after I was so obviously clear:


My response:You've contacted me with these lengthy, ridiculous messages- twice now, saying it was your last one. I haven't mentioned you on here nor do I care to in the future.

If you haven't gotten the clousure you need you are going to have to find it through another avenue as I am not interested in speaking with you and have been VERY clear regarding that.
Please leave me alone and stop instigating drama because I am not feeding into it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dhs
and I promise not to contact you again.

For the most part, I don't plan on coming to the forums anymore. Partly because I've lost interest in general over the past year or so and also because it is my wish to avoid any drama with you as in the past you have vicously slammed me on here and I don't need to read that or see you try and influence other people's opinions of me on here. I know that I can't always control things that I say, so I don't want to read something on here that hurts me and then respond back towards you in mean and hurtful ways. I don't want to cause you any more pain or discomfort nor do I want to experience any more pain or discomfort from your actions. I just want peace between us and if me bowing out of here for the most part does that, than I'm willing to do it.

As for the HPV thing. Yes I did tell my gf about it. She was very understanding and aware that 80% of women today will contract it in their lifetime and that they just need to be diligent with regurlar pap-tests and treat it accordingly. I actually contacted Stephanie to talk to her about her experiences with new partners before I told my gf. Your assertation that I didn't tell you because I was afraid I wouldn't get lucky is completely false. I honestly had forgotten all about it because I've never had any break outs or issues in my life and it had been over five years since that happened with Steph.

In talking with Steph, I discovered that when I did sleep with her after she had warts, which was only twice and protected, she had tested negative for HPV. It had been almost a year since she had cleared up her problem, when we slept together. The doctor's said that no one would be able to tell based upon her tests that she ever had it at all. It never developed into dysplasia with her either. Since that time, she has been tested twice a year and they have all come back negative. I was foggy in my memory and it turns out that
it was her roomate that had dysplasia, not her.

I'm not suggesting that I shouldn't have told you and to be honest, I completely would have, but like I said, it had been at least five years, I never had any break outs and because of that, I had completely forgotten all about it.

That's the challenge with men. There are no tests for us. I don't know to this day if I am a carrier because I've never had a break out. The likelyhood that I do is high. 50% of sexually active men are carriers. However, the likelyhood I got it from her , if I have it, is extremely low.

I also found out through talking to Steph that someone who develops dysplasia ussually has been a carrier for a long time, often well over a year. The pre-cancerous cells don't develop that quickly and when they did with you, it had only been six months since our first encounter together. I'm not saying that it wasn't me that gave it to you, but it also could have been Daniel as well.

Whatever the case may be, I'm terribly sorry for any discomfort that all of that has created you, especially if I am the one responsible.

I'm terribly sorry for any pain I've caused you in general lynsey. I always wanted to make you happy and it just didn't work out that way for the both of us. As much as I think its a good idea that we don't contact each other, which I promise to hold up after this message, I still do wish the very best in life for you.

In the end, I think my decision to leave you was for the best not only for me, but for you as well. We didn't fit well together at all and had completely different needs and expectations for a relationship.

I truly hope that you soon find the man of your dreams and he takes wonderful care of you for the rest of your life and that you grow a beautiful family together. You deserve that and someday you will have it.

I hope someday you'll look back and appreciate the good things in me and feel grateful for the things you've learned from being in a relationship with me. I know I already do with you. I learned a tremendous amount and feel that because of my time with you, I'm a better man for it and will use those lessons wisely as I continue on with my life wherever it may take me.

Take care of yourself and be well lynsey.

love,

ryan

 

I haven't contacted you again. I messaged you concerning this subject because it was you who mentioned me on these forums concerning it. You talked about what an asshole I was for it and how the only reason why I didn't tell you about it was because I was desperate for sex.

Trust me lynsey, any long time forum member would know that you've bashed me far more on these forums than I have you.

The thing is that I really haven't bashed you at all in the past couple of days that I've been posting again. Its you coming after me, not vice versa. This thread pretty much proves that.

I'm very happy in my life and its pretty ridiculous of you to ask me to avoid this place and leave forever when its pretty clear who's being more abrasive out of the both of us.