i've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. most of my friends are males because i get along better with them than females. my boyfriend has made it plainly clear that he wants nothing to do with them and wont even attempt to get to know them. he says that he trusts me but he doesnt trust them. i feel like he doesnt trust me to look after myself in a situation where i'm not comfortable. my boyfriend moved to my state almost 2 years ago n has almost no friends here. i really wish he would even try to get to know my friends but he wont. i feel like i'm living in two worlds and i'm either going to have to choose between keeping my social life completely seperate from my boyfriend, or having to choose either him or my friends. its really starting to bug me that he doesnt like me spending time with my friends. any ideas how to get him to understand that i want him to at least try and get to know my friends instead of me spending every weekend alone with him (i dont get to see him during the week) and only seeing them when he is around?
Just tell him what you wrote here, that you feel like you have to choose and though although he may nto be meaning to, you are feeling as though you will have to. Explain how important your friends are to you, and that you won't give them up, also ask why he doesn't trust them? Honestly, this guy sounds really insecure, and controling. It's up to you whether you hang around with your friends, not him, unless he has valid reasons for not trusting them.
we hang out a lot n i'm a very affectionate person. i have to hug people n if i'm watching movies or somethin i cuddle up to someone but i never take it any further. i honestly dont know why he doesnt trust them cos he doesnt even know them. they stay at my house every now n then or i stay at theres but we dont do anythin except sleep and watch movies and its always a group gathering so it couldnt be taken as anything advancing (if thats the right word). he gets jealous n it seems for no reason
How long have you been dating this guy? My first instinct would be to tell you to get rid of the bf. Constant distrust (I trust you but not them with you...) and attempting to separate you from your friends are big red flags of a potentially abusive individual. But, I only know the very little about him that you've posted here, so it may be a skewed perspective. But, whatever you do, don't let him sever those friendships you have -- if he's just insecure, he'll eventually get over it, and if he's even borderline abusive, those friends (assuming they're true friends not just casual buddies) will be an important support network. For right now, I'd suggest telling him how you feel -- that it hurts you that he won't even give your friends a chance, etc. If he really cares about you, not hurting you will be more important than his silly insecure idea that these guys are trying to steal his girl.
we hardly ever fight. he's never once even made it clear he's going to hit me or anything like that. he's a great person but can get cranky sometimes. i dont intend on giving up my friends. ever. but i really dont want to have to choose n i dont want to have to find time for him around my friends or for my friends around his schedule or whatever. i just wish he would give them a chance
haha first thing she said. anywho, it doesn't matter how long you've dated him, he should get to know your friends no matter what.
If he intends to be a part of your life, then he should be willing to be a part of it when it involves others as well. But if... and I say again if he ever makes it obvious through words or actions that he intends for you to make a choice between them, then go with the friends every time. Insecure and manipulaive people try to isolate the one they're involved with from others, especially friends. It's important for them to be the only support their partner has... they need the control. I hope that's not the case here. But one observation... he says he trusts you but not your male friends. Remember that people see their own motives in others... the thief thinks people are trying to steal from them... the liar assumes people aren't truthful... and the man who doesn't trust other males may think that's how he'd behave in their place. I hope I'm wrong, but if you're aware of some of the warning signs, it can save a world of grief later on. I hope the best for you.
