shall i forgive my girlfriend?

after going out with her for 2 years she has cheated on me for about 6 months with the man i forbid her to see about a year ago.
when i found out about it i was shocked. just try to imangine?

i did a reshearch on the internet about why women cheated on their partner and one of the reason was the lack of affection.

i do know admit that in the end of our relationship i did not offer her enough affection.

i contacted her recently and she said the relationship with the guy wasnt going well and that she was pregnant but was hesitating whether to abort the baby and that she wanted to come back to me...

i told her that i hated her that i would never go back or talk to her again.

but know i kinda pity her. i know that she is not 100% normal and she really needs support. though its sure that i do not want her in my life as my gf anymore.

just to let you know that she was one of my best friends before we went out together.


so just advice me, shall i forgive her because i admit that i did not offer her enough affection?

i know she is going to make the mistake of having the baby and live with the guy for some time and break up. she is a really difficult person to live with. even the guy told me that recently.

although she is the loveliest person on earth she also gets angry for nothing.
she kinda need mental health.

tomorrow she would be collecting the last remaining stuffs from my flat.
what shall i do? forgive her? tell her to fuck off in a nice way, ignore her until the rest of my life? advice her not to keep the baby only?
i'm afraid of blaming myself in a few years for not interracting...

im reallt confused please help.

thanks

 

I wouldn't blame yourself for your gf's action. If she wasn't getting enough affection, she should have came to you about it. Instead, she chose to find the affection, or perhaps it was just sex or a relationship(I dont know the details,obviously) with somebody else.
Personally speaking, I believe some people deserve 2nd chances. Usually my 2nd chance for cheaters consist of a one night slip up not 6 months continously! But if you feel like you should give her a second chance, by all means do, but don't blame yourself for cheating or feel obligated because she is not normal. Also, did she keep the baby? If you take her back, you aren't only getting her but her child as well. If it were me, I would say goodbye and good luck! JMO

 

dump the bitch..shes a cheater, not worth your time

 

Mental problems or not, people ought to still be held accountable for their actions. Personality flaws (whether genetic or phisological or psychological) may not be their fault, but even if it isn't, they should still be held accountable to controlling them acceptably. Cheating on someone is not acceptable control.

Aside from the fact that I'm not looking for an exclusive relationship at the moment, if I were in one I don't think I could find it in my heart to forgive. That being said, I'm not sure I'd be too comfortable with an exclusive relationship anyway -- you can't be cheated on if it isn't in the rules to begin with.

Still, they do say, even the Buddha could only wait three times.

 

Forgive your ex girlfriend, but recognise that you are better off not having anything to do with her. Tell her to fuck off in a nice way, others will give her the support she needs.

 

If a boy ever FORBID me to see anyone, it would have been the end of the relationship right then and there. She is a person, not a possession for you to order about.

As for the forgiveness? I agree with Fister. Harbouring hate in your heart will do you no good. Forgive her if you can find it in yourself but don't get back into a relationship with her.

 

forgiveness is for *your* benefit

you need to forgive her so you can learn from the experience. You don't need to be friends, or heaven-forbid, lovers, ever again, but you do need to forgive.

about fifteen or sixteen years ago, my ex-husband forbade me from seeing or speaking to a certain man. He's now my husband and the father of my children and we've been together 14 wonderful years (I was only married to ex for two years). I think, deep down inside, ex knew that he was not the right man for me, and that I was destined to be with this other guy. It was his insecurities that led him to forbid me from seeing him, and it didn't matter anyway. We ended up together regardless.

Your jealousy and control issues seem to be the real problem here, not her cheating on you. You can't do anything about what she does, but you can work on your own insecurities and learn from your mistakes.

 

The way that I would look at it is that you are free. Why do you want to date someone who not only cheated on you but got herself pregant by him and on top of it is mental. You are lucky to out of the relationship. Find you someone that can actually make you happy. I would forgive her but not get with her.

Sounds to me like he had it right and you couldn't be trusted.

 

No.
She has no repect for your you. It will hurt less if you brek it off and deal with it all now instead of letting her hurt you for years until you eventually come to the conclusion that she will only continue to hurt you.

 

I can't say I disagree with anyone here. She has problems. You're not likely to solve them for her. You don't have to continue to punish her. You did that by calling it quits. If you can let it go, it will be better for the both of you. But don't get back together with her. Humans are creatures of habit, and it's not easy to unlearn. You'd most likely be right back to where you were before, but you'd just have another reason to resent her now.

Forgive and move on.

 

thank you very much for all your advice. she has picked up her remaining stuffs from my house about 10 min ago. i didnt talk to her until the last minute.
i said that what she was doing was wrong about keeeping the baby as she and him are both unsure about a certain future. but she assured me that she know what she was doing and that the situation between her and the guy "might" get better in the future.
i mean come on someone thinking like this must not be normal must she?
i even told her that even if you abort the baby i will support her. but she said that she takes full responsability and that things would get better. she even told me that she would see a psychotherapist regarding her problems.
i told her to never ever contact me again in my life...

i have got the feeling that they would break up after a few years.

but after all i have tried i shouldnt feel guilty should i?

 

Its not about you.

 

Whether you gave her affection or not it doesnt give her a reason too cheat. If she was unhappy with the amount of affection she was receiving she should have told you. I think people should get second chances, especially when love is involved, but when it comes too cheating I could only forgive the person if they told me about it right awaya nd it only happened once. 6 months of cheating is a long time, and I cant see someone being truely sorry for something like that. If I were you I would be pretty skepitical on her reasons for wanting you back. It seems as if she only wants you back because she doesnt want to be alone. Shes scared. Anyway I think that you shouldnt appologise for anything and I also think that you should keep a safe distance from her, because I think shes tring to use you and your going to get hurt again.
goodluck buddy

 

ok i'll actually be honest with you all, i have kinda stopped loving her way before she has cheated on me. i told her about it when i first felt it. she first went angry but as she loved me and i kinda loved her we stayed together. also because we had no other family or close friends here in london. i have to admit that she is the loveliest person on earth and that she would have been a perfect wife. but i was 23 and she was 28. from the beginning she wanted a kid and a promise. obviously i could not offer her that. although i really hesitated. i always told myself that i would regret one day not marrying her. anyway thats life. she got with a man she says will look after her until the rest of her life...
the only thing is yeah i'm always going to wonder about her, if she is alright, if she is happy..
she is actually the first person ever i have fallen in love with. even after what she has done i kinda miss and want to forgive her. will i feel the same in a year when i'll meet a new girl?

 

I never cheated on my ex, wasn't even interested in the man I am now married to until after the divorce, for whatever difference it makes.

 

Love doesn't just up and go away. But, as you have found out the hard way, love isn't enough to make a relationship work. You may always have a place in your heart for her, that doesn't mean she has any place in your life.

 

you should keep in contact with her so that you can know about her life in the future. I keep in contact with all my exes. Being friends with an ex is the most mature and rewarding thing someone can do I think. I like being a part of their lives even after we are no longer romantically involved. And I know from experience that if you remain in contact as friends, you will forgive her when your ready and you wont miss having her in your life because she will remain part of your life.

 

x4me - Unfortunately, the only thing that heals a broken heart is time.
I remember the first time I fell in love ... the man left me to go back to his
old girlfriend - he wasn't in love with me and I knew that, but I had fallen in love with him. Anyway, after he left, my heart was broken and it took about a year for me to get back to normal again. Suddenly one morning, I awoke, and I didn't feel that dreadful heart-broken feeling like I usually did. From that day onward, I felt a little better each day. You've just got to ride it through and know that one day in the not-too-distant-future, you will heal; and you will be able to look back on the situation and see it more logically - don't ever lose hope that things will get better, because with time, they most assuredly will. I had a good friend tell me that he felt that being in love was like being kind of sick - he said that when he was in love with someone, he didn't think right or make good decisions - it's kind of true! When I've been in the throes of a broken heart, I have thought that the extreme joy that I have felt when I was in love was not worth the pain I felt when love goes ... but, it is. If you are a well-adjusted human, you will go through the necessary processes internally to heal your broken heart and will one day be whole again. Hang in there, and you did a wise thing by coming to this forum and asking others for input. Take care of yourself; and be careful ... it's a crazy world out there.

Sincere Regards, Michaela
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"They will never make a perfect heart until they make one that
can't be broken." ....... The Wizard, "The Wizard of Oz"
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Well it sounds to me like she has her head on straight and is working through her problems. Good for her. That is what you should say as you wave goodbye and wish her good luck.

 

I apologize then.