social anxiety

Who has it and what treatment(s) have you gotten for it?

 

Its said (seriously) that everyone has social anxiety.
In fact, you are supposed to experience some sort of 'stress' in social situations unless you are dead or truly crazy heh.

What you are refering to is social anxiety or stress that becomes 'distress' and anxiety that negatively affects your ability to cope within reason.
(I know you know but was making a point there heh)

So, the best of the best that I have read up on this suggests that the whole 'Social Anxiety Disorder' is not something 'separate' from simply Anxiety.
High anxiety, panic disorder, anxiety attacks.
All the same deal.

I have noticed there are a few leading edge experts out there who insist it boils down to confidence.
It is most certainly not 'caused' by a lack of 'wellbutrin' or 'paxil' in your system although those things might take the edge off, for the time being.

Oddly enough, I would recommend a book by Martin Seligman called 'Learned Optimism'.
I say 'odd' because you wouldnt think that has anything to do with SAD but you might be surprised it will in fact curb it anyways.

The other advice, the 'evil' aspect of anxiety is that you will be convinced, absolutely convinced that the more you 'think it through' or the more you 'psych yourself' to deal with it = the more control you have over it.
Nope.
In what is the most counter-intuitive and counter-instinctual realisation you will ever discover - the LESS you even entertain the thought of it, the more it will go away.

 

I have developed a really bad case of social anxiety after my b/f died. I can't be around people. I have dreams about people dying. I have no clue how to deal with it. I try to pretend it's not there, but it doesn't seem to be working all too well.

 

"I have developed a really bad case of social anxiety after my b/f died. I can't be around people. I have dreams about people dying. I have no clue how to deal with it. I try to pretend it's not there, but it doesn't seem to be working all too well."

One of the keys to this is to acknowledge it.
Do not feed or entertain it.
What your experiencing is high anxiety, you can call it stress, you can call it 'panic attacks' too.
By 'acknowledge' that means you simply 'notice' the symptoms or 'sensations' for what they are...
BUT
Once noticed you stop feeding them or entertaining them.
Thats not the same as 'pretending' or just 'ignoring' because you have noted and observed it.

See, one of the problems is that we have a very bad habit of not just acknowlegding them but anticipating the sensations (which accounts for almost all of it) and then when they inevitably arrive we live for them.
"Oh no.. i will have that anxiety if I go to that social situation"
"There it is.. oh oh.. im starting to get it"
"come on, come on, dont start my heart racing now, must.. fight... sensations.. must.. fight..."

The best advice I ever heard was from a non-professional but someone who had overcome 20 years of intense panic disorder:
"Youre Doing It".
"Its not a disease, its not a disorder, its not what happened to you"
"Its you, your are the one causing these sensations, you are."

It might sound 'accusatory and judgemental' but in fact it was the single most liberating and important advice I ever heard.

btw... those dreams of people dying, nightmares or thoughts of 'terrible things' are there for a 'reason'.
I cant get into that now but they are your minds way of coping with something else and later lets talk about why you dont need those anymore.

 

Well said El Proximo! I like your ideas...

 

Sometimes I get a good one or two hehe...

But honestly, Charles Linden is the one who came up with alot of those ideas after spending almost his entire life experiencing intense social anxiety, anxiety, panic attacks.
I think his online course is far too expensive and has a few funny ways about it,
But
I had to come to the conclusion he is bang-on right about many of these problems - including that realisation that:
Its us.
We are doing it.
We actually ARE in control of our social anxiety.
When you realise that then you also realise you are just as able to control it the right way too.
Not easy - but entirely 100% possible.

The good news, social anxiety, panic disorder, post traumatic stress syndrome (these all being much the same thing).
These are considered 100% cureable.
100%.
You absolutely can and will be able to come out the other side.
The 'bonus' to keep you motivated?
People who go through this anxiety gate can come out the other side far far more durable, confident and resilient than anyone.
Actually stronger.
Pretty good motivator to get through it wouldnt you agree?

 

i think you're right about the 'thinking about it too much making it worse' part... which makes giving speeches in front of a class even more difficult, because you must prepare for it. that sucks.

 

This is another thing that gets put into a category of itself and its called
OCD
or
Compulsive thinking.
Oft put in boxes like 'ADD' or AADD' or whatever that case.

To put it this way, Obsessive Thinking may not be accurately called Anxiety or Panic Disorder or Social Anxiety Disorder
ahhhh but
None of those things exist WITHOUT also having Obsessive Thinking going on at the same time, hand in glove, part in parcel and etc.

There is a book somewhere that says 'As a man thinks... so shall he be'.
If you are thinking pessimistic and negative thoughts then make no mistake about it, your physiology will be following suit.

To put it another way, the actual presentation itself will be stress inducing and if you are ONLY talking about that presentation then its actually good you get excited, alerted, more 'stressed' for the time it happens.
But
the problem is when you think and imagine, visualise and picture yourself in front of that class over and over.
As far as your nervous system knows - you are presenting in public then, the next hour, again and again, all week and every single time you picture or think about it.
It doesnt know or care that you are just 'imagining' it.
It responds to the mind.
The mind first - then the emotions.

How to put a stop to racing thoughts about an upcoming stressor?
I liked Seligmans notes about people visualising a 'STOP' sign whenever they got racing thoughts.
Others actually put an elastic band on their wrist and snap themselves hehe.

But of course that begs the question - when do you know if you are thinking about the public presentation 'too much'?
Answer: when you start feeling sick and nervous, anxious and are no longer able to make real practice and preparations.

Up too late and rambling myself so its time for a "STOP" sign.
Happy to PM with anyone on this too.

 

I get anxiety problems really bad, I can speak on here but out in public when I face somebody I cant hardly look them in the eye, and I sometimes get so nerved up my words dont come out right. Ive gotten laughed at alot in school for this and bullied whitch only made things much worse. I am now a hermit, staying in my room all the time pretty much unless I really want something from the store. Walking around in stores I dont look at peoples faces that much. I have only one so called outside friend that I know through my parents friends that I never see. My life seems to be, my room, my computer and hipforums and other places online and thats it.

Another thing I have is what they call bipolar disorder mixed with intermittent explosive disorder, I have been in the mental hospital twice in my life for very violent outburst for no real known cause. I am on special medicine too keep it under control now, before being put on the meds I would fly off the handel real quick and do some rather dangerous shit. One time I almost broke my own fingers by going into a rage and putting extream force on them, I didn't even hardly realize what I was doing until i all the suden backed off. This is the intermitent explosive disorder, Very messed up. Im just glad there is good medication and psychiatrist out there to help me through. I will tell you right now regardless of what anybody thinks there is such thing as mental disease.

The thing of it is that alot of people out there cant distinguish between normal stress and the real mental illness. Yes everybody gets a certain amout of stress and anxiety thats normal, but when it goes totally off the charts, that is to the point where we cant control what our minds are doing to us then that would be another problem where help is needed.

 

I dont want you to think Im about to disagree with you because Im really not going to.
In fact, I strongly agree with a lot of what you are saying.
However,
I want to make a suggestion and its just something to think about.
That you can eventually control your mind and will not lead yourself to those outbursts.
And I do not mean that you have a 'wellbutrin' deficiency and that will control it.
I mean to suggest that you can change, correct and control your thought patterns, habits and 'inner dialogue' to such a point where your physiology will be responding accordingly.
You will not go into a rage 'for no reason' and words like 'agrophobia' or 'social anxiety disorder' will be memories.

Im just going to put that out there.
You dont need to accept it or not but just consider that for a while as something entirely possible.

While Im here, let me ask you another interesting 'what if' question.
(this one rocked me)
What would you do IF you had no SAD, no agoraphobia, no distress or anxiety?
Now really, actually stop and think about it.
Write it down.
Open up Notepad as we speak and just imagine you have NO symptoms or problems anymore.
Now what would your day, week and year look like.
remember - this is a list of things your would be doing all the while having NO anxiety, panic or fear.

You might be surprised how powerful this is so be aware the next follow up question is a real head crusher (so be ready for this..)

Is there some purpose, some benefit, some reward some 'gain' you are getting from having panic disorder, s.a.d. or anxiety disorder?
Think about what benefit it has for you?
A 'benefit' might even include that its protecting you from something or keeping you from something too.
What is it?

 

avoid social situations at all costs
or
get drunk enough you dont have enough braincells to worry about it

 

Proximo, you're spouting more bunk that Dr. Phil.

 

I got a bit deep and asked some open-ended questions in the last post but I can assure you its anything but 'bunk'.
What Im telling you is some things which have taken people from being locked in their homes, scared, all the way to sitting in the middle of crowded halls while being totally relaxed.
and not from taking five to ten years in therapy whilst covering up problems with paxils and benzos either.

Would I like you to criticise any of these techniques - yes.
But please post them specifically and Id really like to talk about it.
Thx

 

That sounds more like post traumatic stress then social anxiety.

 

Life sucks pretty bad on so many levels. And if you have a mental disorder then you might as well throw in the towel early because your in for one hell of a stressful ride. I have yet to see a person completely rebound from anxiety and depression and return to their former self and I have yet to hear of a person either. Its inevitable that you are now different and not in a good way. You can get somewhat better but in the end your no different then before. Its a terrible cycle that is rarely ever stopped.

 

Because what I think you're trying to recommend is CBT. But instead of suggesting she see a licensed professional familiar and experienced with empyrically tested therapies, you're spouting off a half-assed version unlikely to help.

Its the difference between advice and working therapy. Not seeing the difference - thats your criticism.

 

Let me tell you what 'sucks bad' and is the real 'mental disorder': Someone advising anxious and depressed people that they 'might as well throw the towel in early'.
Thats probably one of the most disgusting 'mental disorders' Ive seen yet.
Fortunately,
You are entirely wrong wrong wrong about your hopelessness and Im telling you that 'official' psychiatry considers Social Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, Panic Disorder 100%
read again: 100% cureable, correctable and permanently too.

Just to be clear, there really is no difference between Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Panic Disorder and S.A.D.
Its stress.
Its anxiety.
Worry.
And make no mistake, 'Obsessive Compulsive Disorder' is part and parcel of the same conditions.

Mental Disorder... I do not even like that word. Its not a 'disease' and its not an 'affliction' either.
Then again, this will be hard to get out into the public psyche, especially if your a young woman living in BC.
There (like many places) its practically an industry in itself and it thrives off the mentality that young women there are brought up in.

One of the reasons you dont think you meet thousands of people who have 100% overcome anxiety and depression is simply because.... you dont know who they are and were.
You DO KNOW who is STILL languishing in therapy, taking meds and always having to 'deal with their problems'.
You DONT realise that you know 30 other people who went through that already and now dont even think about it anymore.
Even if they tell you they were 'really depressed once' you must assume it cant be 'real depression' or 'not like that ones I know'.

There ARE DEFINATELY 'stressors'.
No question.
But how you react, how you think about them, how you allow yourself to ruminate on them, how you decide to hold them or let them go... that WILL decide whether you become anxious and panic and later whether or not you become depressed.
Unrealistic expectations.
Misplaced dependencies.
THAT will have more effect on your Seratonin levels and Adrenal activity than any Paxil ever will.

Anyone who is interested in living your life without panic and anxiety, depression and anger (or certainly managing these easily)
Check out Seligmans earth shattering books: http://www.discover.com/issues/aug-06/features/shinyhappy/

Anyone else wanting to start today on something that will change the way you live, think and act?
http://vst.cape.com/~rch/fox.html
Read and follow that word-for-word and even if it takes you 10 attempts (It took me 7 tries)
It will change your life.
It will actually FREAK you out how powerful your mind will change and improve and you will not only see anxiety and depression fade away but you will actually experience a crazy sensation of enjoyable living.

Even though I think the price is way too high (id give it away) but I would recommend The Linden Method for anyone wanting to check it out.
http://www.lindenmethod.com/

Within the next 10 years you are going to see a tremendous turnabout in the way we perceive these 'mental disorders' (they are not really).
We have to.
Our generation is being destroyed and overcome by a real pandemic.. EPIdemic of Panic and Depression.
The likes of which have never been seen before.
We MUST solve this and we can.

 

Hey, I've got pretty much the same thing as rebel1 but w/0 the explosive rage so much. I took meds for a decade but get tremors now, probably from the medications.

I live like a hermit except for the store, bipolar, anxiety, panic attacks, but recently a neighbor sold me some pot, and it actually HELPS my condition. I still don't go out much but don't panic all the time and people aren't so scared because I'm so intense because when I'm high, I'm not as intense. Also, the pot doesn't do any damage like the meds do (or alcohol, a real no no for me).
Sure you can overcome it a bit. I went from living on a sailboat to being in college but I had to be all medicated to do it.
It's a self reinforcing thing : we are different so get picked on or excluded which makes it worse...
I don't think elproximo knows what he's talking about. I started having anxiety attacks around 6 yrs old. I remember sitting drawing in my coloring book and bam...

 

Yes, you had an anxiety attack.
One of the most disturbing trends in panic, anxiety and depression has been the younger and younger ages.
Even still, its been affecting children that young for a long time anyways.

But this line is packed with meaning:
"It's a self reinforcing thing : we are different so get picked on or excluded which makes it worse..."
There is no way im going to convince you of anything in a quickreply internet forum setting but know this:
That belief system is exactly what holds you in bondage.

Anyways, I dont think your ready to hear all this but let me ask you a hypothetical question(s):
What would your life be like if you had none of these sensations, conditions?
What would you lose?
What would be the social consequences?

 

I think it's my hyperactivity or hypomania that sets the masses off. Crazy, Weird, but I stay by myself and am doing fairly well So, I don't have many of the sensations like companionship, besides my dog and don't drink or go out anywhere besides the store; and I fully know what I lose and the social consequence such as my landlord and people around might wonder why I stay alone in my apt all the time. Hey, I have lived most of my life deprived of decent housing because of my mental condition and I want to stay inside by myself, it's a luxury and I can seem to not get too worked up.
On an up note, if I had been more functional I would not be who I am or not lived in such places, read what I've read or thought as much and so on. I just spent 3 yrs living in a van in my mother's yard never going inside or bothering them, it is all landscaped and quiet so coming there coo coo and staying low key allowed me to get my head together and figure out what's going on. Medications started giving me tremors and when I stopped next thing I know it's 5yrs later and my nerves are kinda recovering but if I even took one xanax or tegretol, etc I'd shake for weeks and have terrible anxiety (withdrawal? nerve damage?) Oh yeah, 3 yrs in that van was almost no sensations besides reading books and looking at the scenery, etc.