ok - First of all I apologise if this come out a bit long and confusing, or if this is in the wrong spot. I didn't really know where to post it, but im trying to get a more psychological perspective on it. So please, any advice would be so helpful. My boyfriend has a crazy ex-girlfriend who is quite unstable. She has many emotional/psychological disorders, but refuses to stay on medication. She complains all the time about how she has nothing to live for, and begs for attention from anyone who might give it to her. She still calls him all the time, and cries to him about how she loves him, and how she couldnt live without him. she literally tells him that she would not live without him. Even though they arent dating anymore, she believes that someday they will get married and live happily ever after. I found out I was pregnant a few months ago and things have been rather chaotic. We really want to have a strong relationship, and have come a long way so far, but in her mind, she still thinks that he only wants to be with her. I know that this is partially his fault for building her up to believe that, but he doesnt know how to tell her that he wants to be with me. He really believes that she will kill herself if he breaks her heart. How is he supposed to handle this? She is in therapy all the time, but it doesnt help her. Shes been hospitalized many times, she has many medications, but she doesnt take them. No one knows what to do, but we all can't keep on going like this. I know how over dramatic and immature this all must sound. I am so sick of it, but it is causing me so much stress. How can he let her down without making things worse? I don't know if she would actually kill herself, but what if she did? He would feel so guilty. So would I. But we all can't mold our lives around protecting her feelings. I know he shouldnt feel so responsible for her actions, but he does, and she must know she has this control over him. It's hurting him, It's hurting me, and we both so desperately want to move on. What do we do??
It is not his job to keep her alive. Her life is her own, not his to control or protect or run. He's nto forcing her hand in anything, he's simply not interested in her anymore. If she's really going to commit suicide, chances are she'll find another reason even if they got back together.
I know that, and Ive told him that, but he can't get over the guilt. Its easy to say that he shouldnt feel responsible, but he does. Wouldn't you?
He needs to stop communicating with her completely. If she threatens to kill herself, he should find out where she is (if he doesn't know already), immediately hang up and call 911. If he doesn't know where she is, or can't find out, he should still hang up and call 911 and they'll get her number and call her. If you don't want to feel responsible for someone killing themself, take every single threat they make seriously, and put it into the hands of those qualified to handle her. If she's serious, he might save her life. If she's not, she'll stop making the threats after a couple of 72 hour evaluations, and probably switch up her tactic to something else if he's still willing to engage with her, which is why he shouldn't at all costs.
